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Discover ways to recover from the aftermath of narcissistic upbringing
If your upbringing was marred by narcissism, your parents prioritized themselves over your emotional well-being. While navigating their behavior might have posed challenges during your formative years, the lasting impacts of their narcissism could influence your future relationships. However, being raised by narcissists doesn't condemn you to emulate their behavior, and we're here to guide you through breaking free from their influence. Keep reading to identify the traits of narcissistic parenting, understand their developmental implications, and explore effective strategies for moving forward.
This article draws insights from an interview with our licensed professional counselor, Rachel Eddins. Read the full interview here.
Key Steps
Indicators of Narcissistic Parenthood
They dispense love conditionally. Conditional love implies that parental affection and support are contingent upon meeting their standards of 'success.' If you excel in a competition or achieve academic excellence, your parents lavish you with praise and approval. Conversely, failing to meet a narcissistic parent's expectations elicits disappointment and disapproval.
- If you ace an exam, your parents might commend you, but scoring a B or C could prompt them to express dissatisfaction, citing unmet expectations.
They prioritize their own needs above yours. Narcissistic parents struggle to empathize with others, often disregarding or minimizing your needs to focus on their own. They may dismiss your attempts to communicate your feelings, choosing instead to prioritize their own emotions. Often, they are unaware of the impact of their actions on you or those around them.
- For example, if you're in distress and seek comfort from a parent, they might accuse you of interrupting their important tasks.
They crave being the center of attention. A typical trait of narcissism involves an insatiable desire to be the focal point, leading parents to vie for attention. They feel threatened by others receiving recognition and will interject to redirect the focus onto themselves, unless they perceive a benefit from redirecting it elsewhere.
- During your narration, a narcissistic parent might interject with their own perspective to shift attention away from you.
They fixate on their image to others. Narcissistic parents harbor an obsession with their perceived superiority, striving to outshine others. They invest considerable effort in grooming, attire, and status to project an impeccable image. They also feel entitled to preferential treatment, viewing themselves as beyond comprehension by ordinary individuals.
- Such a parent might splurge on designer clothing, boasting about the expense to impress peers.
They demand acknowledgment for their benevolent deeds. While narcissistic parents may exhibit kindness and generosity, their motives are often self-serving. They seek validation for their altruism, striving to maintain an image of perfection. Expressing their sacrifices and efforts, they anticipate admiration from others. Failure to receive expected praise can trigger intense emotional reactions.
- For instance, after aiding you in a task, a narcissistic parent might inquire, “Wasn't it considerate of me to assist you?” or “Aren't you grateful for my support?”
They react negatively to deviations from their expectations. Narcissists uphold rigid expectations and struggle with adaptability. Even minor deviations from their envisioned outcomes can provoke hostility, as they strive for control. They become irritable when confronted with changes that challenge their sense of authority.
- If your actions disrupt their plans, a narcissistic parent might lash out, blaming you for ruining their day.
