Conquering Your Dread of Slenderman

Embrace the Horror: Overcoming Your Slenderman Phobia

Recognize Your Power: You Can Outsmart Slenderman

Consider his background. Let's ponder what we know about this individual (admittedly, not much): He dresses in a suit daily. Who wears a suit every day? Either he's highly educated with a lucrative job or he's akin to Barney Stinson. Let's explore both possibilities:

• Slenderman is affluent and educated. If this holds true, he's likely reasonable. Chances are he prefers the aisle seat on planes, avoids junk food, watches minimal TV, and listens to audiobooks during his commute. Armed with these insights, initiating a conversation becomes feasible! Fear of the unknown is purely human.
• Slenderman is a misunderstood Barney Stinson. In this scenario, perhaps his eerie house-visits are his seduction strategy. Maybe he's just seeking affection. Can we blame him? Even a mother might struggle to love that countenance, let alone a non-relative woman. Life likely hasn't been easy. Compassion and understanding are what he needs.

Contemplate his mortality. Reflect on the 'man' part of his name—Slenderman. He's human. He harbors hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, and desires—many of which are likely unfulfilled, akin to the rest of us. He roams the woods with no one to converse with. What a dreadful fate! He probably yearns for death daily, yet it eludes him.

• Slenderman will perish. That is, if one believes he's alive (more on that later). He ceased to exist long before the Egyptian empire peaked, and he cannot haunt indefinitely. He probably catches a cold a few times a year. Just like the rest of us, he's merely mortal.
• Names ending in -man typically have Germanic roots. If encountered, engage him in discussions about pretzels, beer, or the current economic climate. Perhaps avoid WWII topics—he might find them distressing. No one's spotted him at a synagogue, but perhaps he shuns such places because yarmulkes don't suit him.

Envision his embraces. Do you realize how many people Slenderman could embrace simultaneously? Imagine being part of a group hug with half a dozen individuals, all enveloped by his arms at once! Think of the bonding experience! His arms could provide warmth for an extended period. All it takes is earning his favor.

• Chances are, Slenderman doesn't receive many hugs; his inhuman-like stature or tentacle-like appendages likely intimidate many. Next time Slenderman enters your dreams, contemplate embracing him. He might even become emotional and share childhood stories about being dubbed 'Octopus Boy.'

Understand his lack of senses. He lacks eyes, a nose, a mouth, or ears. Consider that. He cannot see, smell, breathe, or hear you. Seriously. If someone dumped you in the woods, unarmed and blindfolded, then removed your ears, nose, and sealed your mouth shut, how potent would you be? Not very. Even squirrels could overpower you.

• Alright, he might possess some sixth sense. Perhaps he sees spirits. Yes, he can teleport. Impressive. But even if he does possess a sixth sense, you still have four senses that he lacks.

Imagine him as calamari.

Those tentacles protruding from his back would make for a delectable dish. Not to advocate cannibalism, but consuming Slenderman (imagine battered and deep-fried)... delightful. Mytour can assist with articles on preparing calamari and frying it. Consuming it/him is optional, but it could lead to intriguing outcomes.

• If by chance you manage to sever one of Slenderman's tentacles, it might be best to finish him off for good. If you're the one responsible for the dismemberment, he'd likely pursue you relentlessly, akin to Richard Kimball's pursuit of the one-armed man.

Educate Yourself. There's no need to fear something that doesn't exist. Slenderman? Just a meme concocted in 2009 by a fellow named Victor Surge on the Something Awful forums. Bet you didn't know Victor Surge could be an alias for 'Eric,' a dude who possibly lives it up in Japan with a mermaid girlfriend named Ariel. Quite the imagination, huh?

• Slenderman's origins? A contest. Amateur artists dabbling in Photoshop and the paranormal spun their tales after Eric's creation took off. A figment of imagination that thousands ran with, crafting their own narratives.

Do the Numbers. Historical evidence linking to Slenderman? Slim to none (and the slim part is fabricated). So, let's face it, he's as real as a unicorn. With 7.5 billion people and countless locales, what are the odds he's targeting you?

• Feeling special? Unless you're leaving him treats, he's probably not making house calls. Think of it like Santa Claus (assuming you're not a Santa believer). Remember when you debunked the whole chimney thing? Same deal, minus the belly laughs and jelly-filled tummy.

Embrace the Teleportation. Picture Slenderman as a superhero. He pops in randomly! How cool is that?! Get close, hitch a ride, and boom! Off to your destination. It's like Harry Potter's portkey. Maybe he'll even give you a teleportation lesson!

• Once you're teleporting, you're gonna be the talk of the town. Slenderman could be your ticket to stardom. Just ponder whether you'll use your powers for good or mischief.

Time Travel with Him. Slenderman's not just a teleporter; he's a time traveler. Ever wandered the woods at night and suddenly it's daytime? Yep, that's Slenderman's TARDIS magic. Need to redo a Chem test? Piece of cake.

• Debating whether he's going back or forth in time? Science says backward time travel is a no-go, but even Stephen Hawking backed forward time travel (if you're speedy). If Slenderman sticks to Earth's physics, he's heading to the future. So, that Chem test retake? Unlikely. Bummer.

Track down those eerie sounds. Don't just cower in a corner; that'll only heighten your paranoia. Investigate! Maybe it's just mice scurrying around. Strange noises or whispers? Likely not Slenderman.

• Slenderman doesn't make a peep. If you hear noise, it's definitely not him. Big Foot, on the other hand, might be the culprit.

Treat him like your bestie. 'Hey, Slenderman! What's up, buddy?' Imagine a friendly hangout with him. Offer snacks and a warm welcome. Your boldness might initially throw him off; not everyone's so friendly!

• Keep low-cal snacks and water handy. Slenderman's self-conscious about his weight. Offer him snacks, but have alternatives ready.

Confront your inner demons. Stand up to him. Don't let fear consume you. Remind yourself he's not real. What's the real source of your fear? Analyze. It's likely not about suits or tall, skinny figures.

• Start by journaling your fear. When did it start? What triggers it? Recognizing patterns will show you it's all in your head.

Facing Fears Head-On. Afraid of spiders? Gradually expose yourself to them until fear subsides. Like getting used to a song you initially disliked.

• It's called deconditioning and it works. Face Slenderman. Stay put. Over time, the fear will fade. Start small, increase gradually, until he's no longer frightening.

Soothe your nerves. If you panic and dash around the house at the mere thought of him, rein yourself in. If you suspect he's lurking in the basement, take a deep breath, hum a tune, and ascend the stairs calmly. Your body can influence your mind, so maintaining composure can ease your fears.

• Deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly to lower your heart rate and redirect your thoughts. Controlled breathing provides reassurance that he's not on your tail. As you relax, your anxiety diminishes.

Empower yourself. While this piece may jest about Slenderman, if he genuinely terrifies you, humor won't cut it. What matters is empowering yourself. Your fear stems from what he symbolizes to you, not his essence or capabilities. Alter your perception to strip away fear. Recognize your authority.

• Just as some fear heights, enclosed spaces, or clowns, fear resides in the mind. Imagining Slenderman in mundane scenarios wrests control from him. When you next encounter him, don't even offer him Doritos. The power is yours.
• To conquer fear, understand its roots. Traumatic experiences, like witnessing accidents, can deeply embed fears.
• Such events can lodge in the limbic system, governing fight-or-flight responses.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) aids in processing trauma, liberating it from the limbic system and alleviating fear.

• Remind yourself of protective factors when fear strikes. For instance: 'My dog is my loyal guardian.'
• Scan the surroundings; the absence of a nearby forest signals his absence. If there's woodland, venture in with a companion during daylight hours. Be cautious—forests can conceal dangers beyond mythic creatures; stay informed, carry maps, and stick together.
• Encounters with him stem from your fears playing tricks; remind yourself of this truth!