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Communication stands as a pivotal element in any relationship. When faced with a spouse who exhibits reluctance towards dialogue, addressing significant issues or concerns within the relationship becomes challenging. Fortunately, several techniques can facilitate a respectful and productive conversation with your partner.
This article draws insights from an interview with our dating and relationship coach, Maya Diamond, MA. Explore the complete interview here.
Steps
Select the appropriate moment for discussion.
If your spouse feels pressured, their receptiveness may be compromised. Instead, opt for a time when both of you are relaxed and generally in a positive state of mind. Even if the conversation has been prearranged, initiate by asking, “Is now still a suitable time to talk?” If not, defer the discussion to a later time.
- Preferably, both of you should have had an opportunity to unwind. For example, if you plan to converse after work, allocate an hour or two for relaxation before engaging in a serious discussion.
Maintain emotional composure.
Avoid raising your voice or displaying anger during communication. Despite its challenges, emotions often derail conversations swiftly. If you sense intense emotions surfacing, take several deep breaths and count to 10 until you can communicate clearly once more.
- If your spouse tends to become angry quickly, demonstrate positive conduct by refraining from yelling or shouting.
Employ “I” statements.
This approach prevents your spouse from becoming defensive. When addressing an issue, refrain from assigning blame. Instead, express how the action impacts you emotionally. For example:
- Instead of saying “You always shout at me,” express, “When you speak over me, I feel disregarded.”
- Instead of saying “You never arrive home on time,” convey, “When you return late without informing me, I become anxious about your well-being.”
Clearly articulate your needs.
When envisioning an ideal solution, consider practical steps like setting up communication protocols, such as texting when coming home late, or implementing a chore chart to distribute household tasks equally. The key is to address the issue concretely and collaboratively, with both partners contributing to the resolution.
Focus solely on the current issue without bringing up unrelated matters. Avoid revisiting past conflicts, as doing so only detracts from resolving the present issue. Encourage your partner to stay on topic as well, gently reminding them if necessary.
During discussions, refrain from delving into irrelevant topics. Instead, concentrate on finding a solution to the immediate problem at hand. Redirect the conversation back to the present issue if either party veers off course.
Attentively listen to your spouse without interruptions, offering them your undivided attention. Practice active listening by nodding and maintaining eye contact, signaling your respect for their perspective.
Eliminate distractions and focus entirely on your partner during discussions. Avoid interrupting and maintain open body language to demonstrate attentiveness and respect. Let your spouse express themselves fully, even if you disagree with their viewpoint.
Rephrase their words to ensure understanding.
Demonstrate comprehension by summarizing their points. Seek clarification if needed to ensure mutual understanding before proceeding.
Attempt to empathize with their perspective.
Approach discussions with an open mind, valuing collaboration over being right. Be receptive to alternative viewpoints and be willing to compromise for the collective benefit.
Establish personal boundaries for self-care and mutual respect.
Address inappropriate behavior from your spouse with respect. Assert boundaries by calmly expressing that certain communication methods are unacceptable.
Take a pause if tensions escalate during discussions.
Acknowledge when a conversation becomes unproductive and suggest taking a break to cool down. Establish a timeframe for reconvening to address the issue constructively.
Consider seeking guidance from a marriage counselor if communication challenges persist.
Seek professional assistance if communication problems persist in your relationship. Marriage counseling can provide valuable support in resolving conflicts and improving communication skills.
