Exploring the Pros and Cons: Dating Someone with BPD

Enhance your listening abilities. Individuals with BPD often express themselves in emotionally charged ways. In such moments, practice active listening to grasp the essence of your partner's message. Even amidst disagreements, take time to validate their emotions, saying something like, 'I understand why you feel that way.' Here are some tips to hone your listening skills:

• Summarize their words to show understanding. ('So, what I'm hearing is...')
• Ask targeted questions about their thoughts.
• Permit them to speak without interruptions.
• Avoid giving unsolicited advice and simply listen.

Acknowledge their struggles empathetically. Providing understanding and recognition to someone with BPD can greatly improve communication. Approach discussions not with a mindset of winning or losing, but with the aim of validating your partner's feelings. Express empathy by saying:

• 'That must have been incredibly frustrating.'
• 'I can imagine how upset that made you feel.'
• 'It sounds like you're going through a lot, and I'm glad you're sharing it with me.'

Offer consistent reassurance. Because of their fear of abandonment, individuals with BPD may feel insecure in their relationships. Show your partner you care by expressing your affection and appreciation naturally. Additionally, you can:

• Surprise them with their favorite meal.
• Display affection publicly with a kiss.
• Express 'I love you' unexpectedly.

Establish clear boundaries. While initially challenging, setting boundaries is crucial in communicating what behavior is acceptable to your partner with BPD. Although they may struggle with these boundaries at first, they can strengthen your relationship over time. Here are some tips for a smoother conversation:

• Reassure them of your love and commitment. 'Our relationship means everything to me, so it's important we're on the same page. But before we discuss anything potentially stressful, I need you to check in to see if I'm emotionally ready.'
• Discuss boundaries individually rather than overwhelming them all at once.

Consider couples counseling. Seeking couples counseling isn't a sign of an unhealthy relationship; rather, it's a proactive step to ensure your relationship thrives. Counseling offers a safe space for both partners to express concerns and thoughts.

Encourage seeking mental health support. BPD treatment options, such as therapy and medication, exist. If your partner hasn't explored these options, gently suggest they do so.

• 'I care deeply about your well-being and want to help you find a psychiatrist or therapist covered by your insurance.'
• 'It's distressing to see you struggle. Seeking therapy could provide the support you need.'

Myth: BPD is rare. Although not as prevalent as some mental illnesses, BPD affects millions in the US alone. Contrary to belief, both genders are equally susceptible to BPD.

• Another myth is that only adults can have BPD, but minors can receive diagnoses too.

Myth: BPD is incurable. While challenging, BPD can improve with dedicated treatment. With effort, individuals can lead fulfilling lives, pursuing education, forming healthy relationships, and more.

Myth: BPD is attention-seeking. Despite appearances, those with BPD grapple with deep emotional wounds. They seek support rather than attention. Ignoring their struggles isn't helpful; they genuinely require support.

Myth: BPD condemns relationships to failure. While BPD can present unique challenges, it doesn't guarantee relationship failure. With effort and treatment, relationships can thrive.

• Remember the 3 Cs when dating someone with BPD: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you aren't in control of it.