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Experiencing stalking can be terrifying, and seeking support can feel overwhelming. As a friend, you might feel powerless, but there are numerous ways to support someone facing stalking. By being a compassionate listener and encouraging them to seek help, you can play a crucial role in ensuring their safety.
Steps to Take
Demonstrate Your Support
Be Attentive. Show willingness to lend an ear to the individual. The victim may experience various emotions such as fear, confusion, or sadness. Allow them to express their feelings, thoughts, and plans without interruption. While providing assistance if requested, refrain from attempting to solve all problems. Focus on offering support by listening attentively.
Avoid Blaming the Victim. Show support in every way possible and refrain from making statements that blame the victim. Phrases like, “If only you had left the relationship earlier” or, “Well, you shouldn’t have left the window unlocked” are unhelpful. No one deserves to be stalked, and it's a terrifying ordeal. Steer clear of criticism or judgment and focus on assisting the individual.
Respect the Victim's Autonomy. Recognize that each stalking situation is unique. If you've assisted someone else with a stalker before, don't assume the same approach will work for this person. Be mindful of differences and refrain from making decisions on behalf of the victim. Allow them to make their own choices, while presenting options if needed.
Inform Others. Despite the victim's apprehension or fear of disclosing the stalking to friends and family, it's crucial that others are aware of the situation. The stalker may attempt to gather information from unsuspecting acquaintances or relatives. Therefore, it's essential to inform those around the victim about the circumstances.
Ensuring the Victim's Safety
Assess for Immediate Threats. If the individual is in immediate danger, contact emergency services. Do not take risks if someone's life is at stake. Trust your instincts regarding potential danger. Treat all threats seriously and promptly report them to law enforcement.
Offer Assistance with Call and Mail Screening. Stalkers often harass their victims by frequent calling and sending numerous letters and emails. Offer to screen your friend’s phone calls, emails, and mail to mitigate potential communication from the stalker. This proactive step can temporarily alleviate your friend’s apprehension.
Assist in Developing a Safety Plan. A safety plan is crucial for minimizing the risk of harm in a stalking situation. It entails personalized measures and precautions tailored to the individual's circumstances, including steps, safety contacts, and responses. Help create a safety plan incorporating previous stalking incidents, contact details of supportive individuals, and specific actions for different scenarios.
Ensure Availability for Immediate Aid. Encourage your friend to carry a charged cellphone at all times. Keep your phone charged and easily accessible to respond promptly to any distress calls. While you may not be physically present, be prepared to contact authorities such as law enforcement if your friend requires assistance. Establishing a code word for signaling danger can facilitate swift action in emergency situations.
Identify Safe Havens. Victims may feel vulnerable in various settings. Assist your friend in locating safe places, such as 24-hour businesses or crowded areas, where they can seek refuge. Consider accompanying your friend or arranging shifts with other companions to ensure they are not alone. Encourage them to vary their routines to evade detection by the stalker.
Enhance Home Security Measures. Collaborate with your friend to enhance home security by installing motion sensor lights and upgrading door locks. Eliminate potential hiding spots and install peepholes if necessary. Additionally, suggest considering pet adoption as a deterrent for intruders.
Managing Communication with the Stalker
Promote Halting Communication. Some victims may minimize the severity of stalking or attempt to placate the stalker. Encourage your friend to assertively inform the stalker that further contact is unwelcome and must cease immediately. Emphasize the importance of refraining from responding to any form of communication.
Limit Contact to Law Enforcement Only. Stress the importance of avoiding contact with the stalker, even if the messages seem benign. Advise your friend to discontinue all communication and involve law enforcement for further handling. If unavoidable, arrange meetings in secure public locations, such as police stations.
Suggest Changing Phone Numbers. If harassment persists, suggest obtaining a new, unlisted phone number to thwart the stalker's attempts. Preserve evidence of any harassment for potential legal action and consider involving law enforcement to screen calls.
Protect the Victim's Identity. Advocate for the use of a post office box (PO box) as an alternative address to safeguard the victim's location. Additionally, recommend modifying email addresses and social media settings to prevent unwanted contact. Encourage the adoption of pseudonyms or blocking measures on social platforms to further deter the stalker.
Gather evidence. Accumulating evidence is vital in constructing a case against the stalker. Preserve all pertinent items such as emails, letters, voicemails, text messages, and video surveillance footage related to the individual and the stalking incidents. Assist your friend in organizing the evidence chronologically and storing it securely. Stress the importance of retaining all evidence if your friend intends to pursue legal action.
Useful Suggestions
- Prioritize your safety. Always prioritize your safety while assisting others. Maintain a charged cellphone with you at all times for emergency situations. Refrain from engaging with the stalker directly; allow law enforcement to handle such interactions.
