Guidance on Supporting a Friend Following Surgery

Surgery can be a challenging experience for many individuals. If you have a friend who has recently undergone a surgical procedure, you might be unsure of how best to offer your support. However, there are numerous effective ways to provide assistance after surgery, and by demonstrating empathy and patience, you can greatly aid in your friend's recovery.

Planning your visit in advance is crucial when your friend is recuperating from surgery. Hospitals have specific visiting hours and regulations, especially in the recovery room. It's important to communicate with your friend's family to determine the best time to visit, ensuring that your presence is welcomed. Additionally, be mindful of your friend's condition and energy levels during the visit, adjusting the duration accordingly.

Understand proper post-operative conduct and cleanliness. Patients recovering from surgery may find certain things irritating, so it's important to ensure your actions don't cause discomfort during your visit.

• Avoid using perfumes, aftershaves, or strong lotions as these scents can be overwhelming for someone who is unwell or in recovery. Moreover, many healthcare facilities have implemented fragrance-free policies.
• Prior to entering and exiting the patient's room, cleanse your hands thoroughly with soap, water, alcohol rubs, or hand sanitizer. Always check with the nursing station before visiting, as you may be required to wear additional protective gear like gowns, gloves, and masks. After surgery, individuals are more susceptible to infections and germs.
• If you're feeling unwell, such as having a cold or flu, consult hospital staff beforehand to determine if it's safe to visit your friend—usually, it's not recommended.
• If you're a smoker, ensure you only smoke in designated areas and avoid exposing your friend to cigarette smoke.
• Due to the risk of spreading bacteria and germs, bringing a non-service dog to the hospital may result in being prohibited from entry.
• Refrain from using profanity as it's typically against hospital regulations and may result in expulsion and/or a ban if caught.
• Avoid sitting or placing your feet on the patient's bed as it can contribute to the spread of germs.
• Do not touch the patient's wounds or any medical equipment they are connected to.
• Refrain from using the patient's restroom facilities as it can also spread germs and bacteria, and hospital staff may report such actions leading to removal from the premises.
• Avoid sharing personal items such as toiletries or tissues with the patient.

Offer a thoughtful gift. People appreciate receiving gifts, especially when they're not feeling their best. It's not about the monetary value but rather the sentiment behind the gesture. Consider bringing a small gift to uplift your friend post-surgery.

• While flowers are a common choice, they may not be suitable for a hospital setting due to space constraints and their short lifespan. Instead, opt for interactive gifts such as books, magazines, crossword puzzles, sudoku, or a journal. If your friend has access to electronic devices like an iPad or tablet, consider gift certificates for platforms like iTunes or Amazon so they can purchase entertainment of their choice.
• Since hospital food can become monotonous, consider bringing their favorite snack, although be mindful that they may not have the appetite to eat immediately after surgery due to its effects on their digestive system. Additionally, some patients may be on restricted diets or prohibited from eating until certain conditions are met, such as following bowel resection surgery.

Create a homely atmosphere in the hospital. Hospitals can often feel sterile and unwelcoming. If your friend is facing an extended recovery period, try to make their hospital room feel more comfortable and familiar.

• Personalize the room by adding cheerful decorations such as posters, decorative hangings, or colorful blankets and pillows. Ensure you check with hospital staff to ensure compliance with regulations.
• Bring items that evoke familiarity and comfort, such as a scrapbook of cherished memories, customized playlists of favorite songs, or DVDs of beloved movies and TV shows.
• During visits, engage in natural conversations about mutual acquaintances and current events to help your friend feel connected to the outside world despite being confined to a hospital room.

Coordinate group visits. If feasible and with your friend's consent, arrange for group visits to lift their spirits.

• Group visits can provide a more dynamic and supportive environment than individual visits, allowing your friend to feel surrounded by caring individuals.
• Check hospital regulations regarding the maximum number of visitors allowed in a room simultaneously to ensure compliance.

Prepare for the Future. Making plans and commitments for the future can give your friend something to anticipate after their hospital stay, ensuring them that their needs won't be forgotten once they're discharged.

• Schedule activities like going to a movie, dinner, coffee, or shopping for after your friend leaves the hospital. Having something to look forward to can boost their spirits.
• Offer assistance in transitioning back home by driving your friend from the hospital and helping with errands during their recovery period.

Assist with Meals. Food is a major concern post-surgery, as everyone needs to eat, but cooking and shopping can be challenging after an operation. Be ready to help your friend with meals during their recovery.

• Volunteer to do their grocery shopping. Before your own trip, check if there's anything they need.
• Prepare dishes that can be reheated and last long, such as casseroles, soups, lasagnas, and salads, if they're uncomfortable with others doing their shopping.
• Take note of any dietary restrictions they have, as certain foods may be off-limits after surgery. Also, be mindful of any pre-surgery dietary preferences, like gluten-free or vegetarian diets.

Offer Assistance with Household Tasks. Instead of waiting for them to ask for help, offer specific assistance with household chores, as they may not want to inconvenience you after surgery.

• Take care of tasks like laundry, dishes, dusting, and other cleaning to prevent them from falling behind.
• If they have pets, help with pet care tasks like cleaning litter boxes, walking the dog, and ensuring they have food and water.
• If necessary, provide free childcare to ease their burden, especially if they're a single parent or if their spouse is busy with work.

Provide Entertainment. In addition to practical help like cooking and cleaning, providing entertainment can alleviate the boredom of recovery. Spend quality time engaging in conversation and activities with your friend.

• Share positive aspects of your life during conversations, avoiding negative topics that could dampen the mood.
• Watch their favorite movies or TV shows together. Ask if there's anything specific they'd like to watch and arrange for it.
• Engage in board games or card games to add variety to their routine. Consider organizing a group gathering for activities like poker or Clue.
• Be mindful of alcohol consumption, as they may be on medication that prohibits drinking. Avoid drinking alcohol in their presence out of respect.

Offer to accompany your friend to follow-up appointments. After surgery, there will be several doctor's visits in the weeks ahead. These appointments can be stressful, so having a supportive friend by their side can make a big difference.

• Let your friend know you can drive them to the doctor's office. Often, medications can impair driving ability, and public transport can be inconvenient post-surgery. Offering transportation is invaluable.
• Keep your friend entertained in the waiting room. Bring cards, crossword puzzles, magazines, or simply engage in light, humorous conversation while waiting for the doctor.
• Plan something enjoyable after the appointment, like grabbing milkshakes or having lunch. Having something to look forward to can make doctor visits more manageable.

Assess the level of intimacy in your friendship. Emotional closeness plays a significant role in determining what you should or shouldn't say to a friend post-surgery. With close friends, it's easier to communicate openly and express emotions. However, in more formal or new friendships, maintain a warm and natural demeanor without delving into topics that might make either party uncomfortable. Stick to light conversation such as asking how they're feeling or if they need assistance.

Allow your friend to express their emotions. Your friend may not be feeling their best after surgery. While offering encouragement is well-intentioned, sometimes they just need to share their feelings. Listen to your friend patiently and empathetically without trying to minimize their emotions.

• Avoid phrases like 'I understand' or 'I know how you feel.' It's challenging to truly understand a situation you haven't experienced firsthand. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and encourage further discussion.
• Avoid phrases like 'You shouldn't feel that way' or 'Cheer up.' Such remarks may come across as judgmental. Instead, express sympathy and curiosity about their feelings.

Practice active listening. Active listening involves making a conscious effort to understand the message being conveyed by another person. If you're supporting a friend post-surgery, prioritize their needs and be an attentive listener.

• Focus your attention solely on your friend. Maintain eye contact, set aside distractions, interpret their body language, and avoid being distracted by the surroundings.
• Show that you're engaged by nodding, smiling, and using appropriate facial expressions. Maintain an open posture and encourage them to continue speaking.
• Provide feedback to ensure understanding. Reflect on what they've said and ask clarifying questions to grasp their perspective fully.
• Refrain from interrupting or being judgmental. Allow your friend to express themselves fully without interruption, and respond honestly and respectfully to their concerns.

Ask pertinent questions. Conversations with a friend post-surgery should primarily focus on them and their well-being. Ensure you ask appropriate questions to show your concern.

• Avoid inquiring about their health or test results unless they initiate the conversation. Many recovering patients tire of discussing medical matters.
• Ask about their general well-being. Keep your questions open-ended, allowing your friend the option to share as much or as little as they wish.
• Inquire if they require any assistance. People often hesitate to ask for help, so offer your support as they may need help with daily tasks.
• Discuss their family and loved ones to demonstrate your genuine interest in their life beyond the surgery.

Understanding Surgery Anxiety. Empathy is crucial in supporting a friend through surgery anxiety. Seek to comprehend their fears to be a better listener and friend.

• Recognize the fear of losing control, which is prevalent post-surgery. Assure your friend that feeling out of control is normal.
• Realize that surgery often represents hope for a better life. Be mindful of potential disappointment if recovery is slow, and remind your friend that progress takes time.
• Acknowledge the fear of mortality associated with hospitals and anesthesia. Be prepared for conversations about darker topics and provide emotional support.

Coping with Surgery and Hospital Anxiety. Most people experience anxiety in hospital settings. Equip yourself with coping strategies to share with your friend.

• Encourage self-trust to combat anxiety rooted in mistrust. Remind your friend to trust their body's ability to heal.
• Suggest engaging in anxiety-reducing activities that promote physical well-being, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time outdoors.
• Help your friend create a post-surgery plan focused on recovery rather than anxiety. Assist in making lists of necessary items and planning manageable tasks.

• Offer to take them for a short drive around town when they're feeling up to it. A change of scenery can alleviate feelings of isolation.
• Consider making a phone call or visiting instead of relying solely on email or social media for communication. Your friend may not be well enough to check online platforms.
• Provide supportive care without overwhelming positivity. Surgery is a significant event, and everyone copes differently. Allow your friend to express their feelings and offer empathetic listening.