How to Write a Eulogy for Your Father

Writing a eulogy for your father can be a poignant experience. It's completely normal to feel sadness and apprehension when crafting such a personal eulogy, so focus on self-care throughout the writing process. To begin the eulogy, take time to brainstorm ideas. Reflect on the most cherished memories of your father and how they can fit into the eulogy. From there, you can start writing. Create a piece that reflects how meaningful your father was to you and express gratitude for his presence in your life. Since writing a eulogy for a father is likely an emotional endeavor, practice a bit before delivering the eulogy to ensure you're comfortable speaking publicly about your father.

Remember that this is a eulogy, not a eulogy. A eulogy is different from an obituary. An obituary is an overview of the events in a person's life. It includes information such as achievements, career, place of birth, surviving family members, etc. A eulogy focuses on the core qualities of the deceased.

• Since an obituary is fact-based, it's often less emotional. A eulogy focuses on a person's story. What did this person's life mean? How significant was this person to you?
• Avoid listing achievements, and including too many events about the person. Instead, focus on stories and memories that speak to a person's character.

Brainstorm Some Ideas. Before you start writing, some brainstorming time can help you focus. Take time to jot down memories and stories, as well as things you remember about your father's personality. This can help you come up with ideas for the eulogy.

• Begin by writing down all the initial ideas you have about your father. What comes to mind first when you think of your father? What is your deepest memory of him? What words come to mind when you try to describe your father?
• Additionally, think about things outside of yourself that you associate with your father. What music, movies, TV shows, food, sounds, and smells remind you of your father? You may want to immerse yourself in these things while writing, as they can evoke valuable memories for the eulogy.

Focus on a Central Theme. A eulogy should be concise and to the point. Don't write a jumble of scattered memories. As you brainstorm, try to identify a central theme. What overarching theme or main message ties the memories together?

• You don't need to delve into or interpret the death, though you may acknowledge that death is dreadful and disruptive. Try to speak to the significance of a person's life. Who is your father, and what would the world be like without him?
• You may find themes in abstract concepts. Perhaps your father was a lawyer handling civil rights cases. You could focus on themes of fairness, community, and helping others. Maybe your father was an entrepreneur, who built his own career. Your theme could be about the benefits of perseverance, hard work, and dedication.
• You could also talk about what you've learned from your father. What was the biggest lesson he taught you? How do you incorporate that lesson into your life today?

Decide How You Want to Organize the Eulogy. There are various ways to organize your eulogy. The organization method depends on the eulogy's theme as well as the information you're covering. Before writing, find the best way to organize it.

• You could write the eulogy in chronological order. It might be helpful to include anecdotes from the early years of your father's life, as well as his later life. If your stories and memories come from different time periods, chronological order would be appropriate.
• You could also organize the eulogy by ideas. If you're talking about certain qualities of your father and all are illustrated by different moments and memories, organize by ideas. For example, if you're talking about your father's success as a businessman and this success is due to determination, work ethic, and personal skills. You could write a section about each of these qualities, including appropriate anecdotes and stories.

Introduce Yourself. You might feel awkward, as many people at a funeral will know you, but as tradition goes, start the eulogy with a brief introduction. Let the audience know who you are and your relationship to the deceased.

• This might be the easiest part of the eulogy. You just need to state who you are and how you were close to your father. This brings you credibility.
• For example, you could start, 'My name is John Doe, we gather here today to bid farewell to my father, Mr. Smith. I am an only child, and this closeness has made me intimate with my father. We almost talked every day, even after I left home to live on my own.'

Set the Tone. Tone is crucial for a eulogy. Maintain a consistent tone while speaking. Consider which tone best conveys the message you want to convey.

• You may want to speak to family and funeral organizers. You want your tone to suit the funeral. For example, if it's a religious service, use a somber and reverent tone.
• However, don't let the funeral entirely dictate your tone. You want your tone to accurately reflect your father's personality. If your father was jovial, always joking, you might use a lighter tone. Think of your eulogy as a celebration of life rather than mourning.

Share a Story. Most eulogies should include at least one story about the deceased. Opening with a story can help engage the audience. Choose a story about your father as if he were present here. Your story should convey the overarching theme of the eulogy.

• For example, if the eulogy is about how your father always found joy, despite life's challenges, pick an anecdote illustrating his ability to lighten the mood in any situation.
• Suppose your father passed away from lung cancer. You could talk about how he faced the diagnosis with humor. You could start, 'When my father first found out he had cancer, he joked about his treatment options. I remember he told me, 'Dad's really optimistic about radiation'. When I asked him why, hoping the prognosis was positive, he replied 'Dad hopes radiation will turn him into the next superhero. Who knows, dad might become the next Spider-Man'.'

Focus on Small Details. In addition to summarizing overarching ideas about your father's personality, jot down small details. This will help captivate people and provide small, practical reminders about your father to get through the grieving period.

• Emotional details can be helpful. Maybe your father enjoyed working outdoors, and he always had a smell of soil about him. Perhaps your father liked the color red and almost always chose red clothing.
• Note down as many small details as you remember. For example, 'I remember my father always singing old Johnny Cash songs, and he had a deep, baritone voice like Johnny Cash. I'd wake up every Sunday morning to hear him sing 'I Walk the Line' from the basement, the smell of coffee brewing wafting into my bedroom.'

Add External Quotes. If you're struggling to figure out how to express something, add external quotes. A quote or reference can help explain something about your father.

• If your father was religious, Biblical quotes might be helpful. There's a lot in the Bible about life and death, so you can reference that.
• You could also reference books, movies, songs, and TV quotes that your father enjoyed. If your father was a fan of Robert Frost, you could insert a line of Robert Frost's poetry into your eulogy.

Inject Some Humor. A eulogy shouldn't be entirely somber. You should inject some humor. If a eulogy is too solemn, it seems like you're romanticizing the deceased. This can lead to mishaps like preaching or overly sentimentalism. Find some light-hearted moments to talk about your loved one's mistakes. This can fully portray the person you're remembering.

• Think of something funny to say about your father. Did he tend to argue too much? Include a humorous story about him arguing over a bill at a restaurant long after others had let the issue go. You could say, 'Although my father was truly humorous, he wasn't perfect. He could over-dramatize an issue, and sometimes argue. I remember one time, on a family vacation, we stopped at Denny's...'
• A illustrative story of mistakes should be light-hearted and natural. You don't want to seem like you're angry with the deceased, as that can come across as disrespectful. For example, you wouldn't tell a story about a heated, shouting argument between you and your father to illustrate that he was argumentative. That wouldn't elicit laughter. Instead, focus on a less contentious situation that will make people chuckle.

Add Some Concluding Statements. When concluding a eulogy, end with a few concise sentences summarizing your viewpoint. This is where you'll get to the heart of the matter. What is your eulogy trying to say? What do you want people to remember about your father?

• Come up with some final thoughts to encapsulate your father. Be direct with people about what you're trying to convey. For example, 'What I learned from my father is that life is fleeting and often harsh, and the best way to combat all that is to use smiles and cherish joyful moments in every circumstance'.
• You should also thank everyone for their time in attending the condolence. Briefly say, 'I appreciate everyone who's present here to remember my father, Mr. Lê Hùng, and give me the opportunity to share a bit more about him. I know he'd be honored to know that so many people cared to attend this farewell.'

Edit the Eulogy and Add Information as Needed. Once you've drafted the eulogy, print out a copy and read through it. While reading, look for moments to flesh out content and details as necessary.

• Ask yourself if your eulogy makes sense. Are the stories illustrative of the theme? Do you feel like something's missing? Is there a story you should add or an aspect of your father's character that you may have discovered more about? Is there anything that seems unrelated?
• Add to your eulogy as needed. If you feel there's a part that needs expanding, provide additional information as needed. You can also trim anything you feel shouldn't be added to the theme. Time is an issue. A typical eulogy should only last 5 to 7 minutes.

Memorize a Portion of the Eulogy. When delivering a eulogy, you should memorize a portion. This can help you present the speech smoothly. You don't need to memorize the entire eulogy. You should remember some notes while speaking, as you may become nervous or emotional.

• If you want to memorize the entire speech, memorize small sections at a time. You may feel overwhelmed trying to remember everything.
• You should write notes with reminders. This will help you deliver fluently.

Practice Delivering Eulogies Regularly. You should practice reading eulogies several times in the days leading up to the funeral. Read aloud, or stand in front of a mirror. Focus on the moments you stumble, and practice those parts more.

• You can ask a friend or family member to listen to you rehearse. They can provide feedback on how to make the speech flow better.

Stay Strong. Writing a eulogy has never been easy, especially when you're writing for your father. When composing a eulogy, strive to maintain resilience.

• Connect with others. Your current relationships are crucial in times of grief. Lean on friends and family members during vulnerable moments.
• Work on rebuilding yourself. Losing a parent makes you feel like you've lost a guide. Try to envision yourself without your father by your side and how you can move forward.
• Live in the present. Remember that reality is where your life is happening right now. Appreciate what you have. Try to be grateful for life every day and live fully despite experiencing loss.

• Keep the length of the eulogy about your father to around 5 or 10 minutes. Length doesn't matter, but you'll find it challenging to speak for over 10 minutes about a deceased father.
• Make eye contact with tearful individuals as you deliver your eulogy. This will help you establish more connections with the audience than if you were just looking at a piece of paper to read.