Managing Stalker Behavior

Understand what constitutes stalking. Stalking is a form of harassment, which involves repeated or inappropriate contact that is unwanted and not reciprocated.

• Stalking can occur in person, with the stalker following, surveilling, or approaching you at your residence or workplace.
• Indicators of stalking may include receiving unwanted gifts, being followed, receiving unwanted correspondence, or repetitive phone calls.
• Cyber-stalking is also prevalent, manifesting as online harassment or cyber-bullying. While prosecuting such cases may be challenging, adjusting your online privacy settings or changing your email address can often mitigate this type of harassment.
• Instances of cyber-stalking transitioning to in-person stalking should be treated as extremely serious and reported promptly.

Identify the type of stalker you're dealing with. Understanding the different types of stalkers can assist you in notifying the authorities appropriately and taking necessary measures to protect yourself.

• Simple stalkers are typically individuals with whom you've had a past romantic or friendly relationship. While the relationship has ended for you, it may not have for them.
• Love obsession stalkers are individuals, often strangers or casual acquaintances, who develop an intense fixation and believe they are in a relationship with you. This category includes individuals who stalk celebrities.
• Stalkers with delusional fantasies about a relationship may progress from unwanted attention to threats or intimidation, and in extreme cases, violence.
• In some cases, abusers from past relationships become stalkers, transitioning from monitoring their ex-partner from a distance to engaging in repeated or escalated violence. This type of stalker can pose significant danger.

Assess the level of danger. A stalker who was once a casual acquaintance and now occasionally passes by your home may pose minimal threat. However, an abusive ex-partner who has issued threats could pose a grave danger.

• If you're being stalked online, consider whether the stalker has access to your real-life location. Maintain a secure online presence and avoid disclosing personal information on public platforms.
• Trust your instincts, consider the stalker's past behavior, and realistically evaluate the risk you're facing.
• If you feel you or your family are in danger, seek assistance from local law enforcement or victim support organizations.
• In emergency situations, dial emergency services immediately.

Stay vigilant. If you suspect you're being stalked, pay close attention to your surroundings. Take note of any suspicious behavior or unfamiliar vehicles near your home or workplace, and document anything unusual.

Avoid interactions with your stalker. Stalkers often perceive any contact from their victims as validation of their imagined relationship. To protect yourself, refrain from initiating contact via calls, messages, or in-person encounters whenever possible.

Avoid inadvertent cues or signals. Stalking victims may sometimes engage with their stalkers verbally or expressively, but even clear hostility can be misinterpreted by stalkers (often mentally unstable) as signs of affection or interest.

• If you're being stalked online, refrain from responding to any messages, regardless of provocation. Simply save them as evidence and exit the computer.

Safeguard your personal information. Prevent stalkers from accessing personal details such as your phone number, home address, or email address.

• Avoid disclosing your home phone number in public settings. If necessary, provide a work number or jot down the number before disposing of it securely.
• Avoid writing down your home address. Consider obtaining a PO Box for mail to minimize the need for sharing your home address.
• Avoid sharing your home address or workplace details on social media or online platforms to minimize the risk of in-person encounters with online stalkers.

Obtain a restraining order. For persistent stalking or stalkers with a history of violence, consider seeking a restraining order legally mandating the stalker to maintain distance from you. Note that this may provoke the stalker and escalate the situation to violence.

Relocate to a confidential location. In severe cases of potentially violent stalking, relocation to a new undisclosed address may be necessary. Seek guidance from organizations like battered women's shelters for advice on maintaining anonymity.

• Avoid directly forwarding mail to your new address.
• Exercise caution when registering to vote in a new area; request anonymous registration if available.
• Be mindful of property ownership records, which may be publicly accessible. Consider renting to preserve anonymity.

Inform a range of individuals about your situation. While you might not wish to broadcast your situation on social media or announce it to a large audience, it's crucial to inform enough people so that you have potential witnesses in case of an incident. Consider informing your parents, employer, a few co-workers, your spouse, neighbors, and building management or doorman if you reside in an apartment complex.

• If possible, provide people with a photo of your stalker. If not, offer a detailed description.
• Instruct individuals on what they should do if they spot the stalker, whether you're present or not. Should they contact you? Call the authorities? Direct the stalker to leave?

Notify law enforcement of stalking incidents and threats. Even if the stalking has been non-violent and from a distance, it's prudent to report it to the police.

• Include all signs of stalking in your report, as many police departments require evidence of multiple unwanted contacts before taking action against a stalker.
• Understand that authorities may be limited in their response until the stalking escalates to or near threats or violence.
• Inquire about how to document incidents, when and how to request assistance if needed, and whether they have any advice for creating a safety plan.
• If you feel your complaint isn't initially taken seriously, persistently contact the police.

Report stalking incidents to relevant parties. If you're a student, inform campus authorities about the stalking. This could include campus police, administrators, counselors, or residence hall staff.

• If uncertain, start by confiding in a trusted friend or family member who can assist in identifying the appropriate authorities.

Warn your family about the threat. If you're in danger, your family might also be at risk. Inform them about the situation and provide guidance on how to address it.

• Discussing the issue with children may be challenging but potentially life-saving.
• If the stalker is a family member, disclosing this may cause rifts within the family. Despite the difficulty, prioritize your safety, and remember that the stalker is accountable for their unlawful actions.

Seek assistance from an organization specializing in stalking or violence prevention. If you're uncomfortable discussing the situation with friends, family, or law enforcement, consider reaching out to an organization dedicated to violence prevention. There are resources available, especially for women and children, offering counseling and assistance in devising a plan.

Develop a safety strategy. If you sense the stalking could escalate, it's crucial to have a safety strategy in place. This could involve simple measures like keeping your phone with you at all times for emergency calls or maintaining a packed bag and a full tank of gas in your vehicle.

• Avoid vulnerable situations where you might be alone, such as walking to or from work or home, especially during nighttime.
• Share your safety plan with a trusted friend. Consider establishing a 'check-in' arrangement where your friend contacts you and then the police if you don't respond by a predetermined time.

Arrange for a home security assessment. Security firms or local law enforcement agencies may provide home security assessments to ensure there are no covert recording devices or potential entry points.

• When scheduling the assessment, request a physical description of the individual who will conduct it.
• Verify the credentials of the assessor before granting access to your home.

Maintain written records. Preserve any emails, social media messages, handwritten notes, or gifts you receive. Although your inclination may be to discard items associated with the stalker, retaining evidence is essential in case you need to build a case against them.

• Print electronic communications, ensuring date and time details are included.
• You don't have to review the items regularly; store them in a secure location, such as a high shelf in your closet or basement.

Document phone conversations or voicemails. Utilize call recording applications on your smartphone or employ a tape recorder during phone calls. Save any voicemails containing threatening or violent content for reporting to authorities.

• If you reside in a two-party consent state, refrain from this practice. Verify if your state mandates two-party consent laws online.

Maintain constant vigilance. Regrettably, one of the most effective tactics for handling a stalker is to remain somewhat distrustful and vigilant. By staying vigilant, you increase your chances of detecting subtle indications of inappropriate contact or escalating behaviors.

Keep a journal. Detailed, specific records of stalking incidents that made you uncomfortable can greatly facilitate obtaining a restraining order or filing a police report if needed.

• Include dates and times in your entries.
• Utilize the journal to identify recurring patterns of behavior and potentially anticipate or evade encounters with your stalker.

Monitor for behavioral changes or escalation. Stalkers can turn violent rapidly. If you notice signs or have a sense that the situation is escalating, contact authorities for assistance. Some warning signs of escalation include:

• Increased frequency or attempts of contact
• Heightened severity of threats
• Intensified emotional displays or language
• Closer physical proximity
• More frequent contact with others close to you

Assert your lack of interest in a relationship to the stalker. If you believe your stalker is nonviolent and responsive to confrontation, directly communicate your disinterest in any form of relationship.

• Consider having a witness present for safety and as a testimony. However, avoid involving your romantic partner to prevent potential conflicts. Instead, opt for a trusted friend or relative.
• Avoid being excessively kind in your rejection. Overly polite behavior can inadvertently encourage the stalker, who may misinterpret your tone rather than your words.

Ensure he understands your complete disinterest in a relationship. If you believe your stalker is nonviolent and responsive to confrontation, make it abundantly clear that a relationship is out of the question. Avoid leaving any room for misinterpretation by stating unequivocally that you have no interest now or ever in forming a relationship, under any circumstances.

Avoid emotionally charged language. Despite feeling scared or angry, it's crucial to maintain composure during conversations with your stalker. Stay calm, refrain from shouting or using profanity, and communicate directly. Emotional responses may be misconstrued, with anger being interpreted as passion and kindness as affection.

Seek support for this discussion. It's advisable not to confront the stalker alone. Enlist the assistance of a trusted individual, ensuring they won't be seen as a threat or romantic rival. Consider bringing along a friend of the same gender for added safety during the confrontation.

Avoid engaging with a violent stalker. If you've been subjected to violence or threats from the stalker, refrain from attempting to communicate with them independently. Seek guidance from law enforcement or victim services on how best to convey a clear message to a violent stalker.

• Stalking constitutes a crime, so report it immediately.
• Stick to larger groups whenever possible.
• Reconnecting with an old friend after many years doesn't necessarily make them a stalker; many people simply want to catch up and see how you're doing.

• If attacked, don't hesitate to defend yourself. Your survival may hinge on it.
• Ex-spouses who were abusive are often prone to stalking and may resort to extreme violence.
• Always inform the authorities about any threats of violence.