Buzz
Eating with grace is more about your overall approach to the dining experience than strictly adhering to rigid rules. Essentially, it's not catastrophic if you mistakenly use the wrong fork or spill a bit of wine on your attire, as long as you and your companions are enjoying yourselves. However, it's understandable to want to avoid any social blunders or breaches of etiquette. If you're seeking guidance in this area, we've got you covered!
This article draws insights from an interview with our etiquette expert, Tami Claytor, the proprietor of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting. Explore the full interview here.
Essential Guidelines
Place the napkin in your lap.
As soon as you're seated, drape the napkin over your lap. Avoid tucking it into your collar or leaving it on the table because the food hasn't arrived yet. It may seem trivial, but it signals your familiarity with dining customs to others. If utensils are wrapped in the napkin, position the fork to your left and the knife to your right.
- If utensils are already set, simply place the napkin in your lap without disturbing them.
- An exception applies for dishes like lobster or crab legs when eaten by hand.
- This etiquette primarily pertains to formal dining settings where cloth napkins are provided. If at a casual dinner party with paper napkins in the center, this rule doesn't apply.
- Besides etiquette, this practice also protects your attire. For instance, if a sushi roll collapses while using chopsticks, the napkin will prevent any mishaps.
Get to know the table settings.
If you find the table arrangement daunting, take a moment to compose yourself. Remember the basic principle of starting from the outer utensils and working your way in. For instance, if soup is served first, use the spoon farthest to the right. Utensils placed on the outer layer are typically for appetizers. Utilize the utensils closest to your plate for the main course.
- If unsure, observe other guests and follow their lead if necessary.
- Utensils positioned above your plate are intended for dessert.
- If there's a small plate atop the dinner plate or beside your utensils, it's likely for bread or appetizers.
Take your time and enjoy the moment.
This aspect is paramount in refined dining. Dining is a communal experience, not merely a chance to consume hastily. Relax, engage in conversation, and savor each bite. Eat leisurely. Savor the moment. Pause between bites to converse, immerse yourself in the discussions at the table, and most importantly—have fun.
- Focus on relishing the experience rather than filling up quickly. Imagine the contrast between someone rushing through a sandwich on their way to work and someone leisurely enjoying olives at a sidewalk café. The distinction lies in the enjoyment!
- Feeling a bit apprehensive about dining etiquette at formal occasions is natural. Concentrate on the flavors, aromas, and textures of the food. Relish them. By doing so, you're already well on your way to proper etiquette.
Construct your bites thoughtfully.
When tackling dishes with multiple elements, take your time crafting bites. Though seemingly minor, this practice significantly enhances elegance and enjoyment. For instance, when enjoying a chopped salad, skillfully select various ingredients with your fork's prongs to ensure each bite is balanced and flavorful. Likewise, when savoring roasted duck atop caramelized carrots, aim to include both components in each forkful.
- This demonstrates your respect for fine dining. Chefs meticulously design these dishes for flavor harmony, and adhering to their vision indicates your appreciation for their culinary artistry. Unlike a casual meal of burger and fries, where items are typically consumed separately.
- If your meal includes a side dish (e.g., ribeye steak and double-baked potato), alternate between the two as you eat.
- This approach enhances the dynamism and flavor complexity of your meal.
- If there are any components you don't plan to eat, discreetly push them to the edge of your plate to avoid drawing attention. While it's acceptable to skip certain ingredients, outright refusal of food at a dinner party may be perceived as impolite.
Opt for smaller bites.
Given the importance of pacing, smaller bites allow for better control. Large bites can appear inelegant, requiring excessive jaw movement and detracting from the enjoyment of flavors. Moreover, prioritizing quantity over taste can detract from the dining experience.
- This practice is particularly beneficial for messier foods, reducing the risk of spills or drips.
- Here's a handy tip for powdered donuts: break them into small pieces over a napkin and consume them individually to avoid messy mishaps.
- Consuming food in smaller portions helps regulate digestion, preventing premature fullness. This approach is especially advantageous in multi-course meals, enhancing both etiquette and enjoyment.
Avoid leaning over your plate.
Maintain an upright posture and use utensils to bring food to your mouth. Elevate your fork or spoon to your mouth from a seated position, avoiding the appearance of impending spills. Take deliberate, controlled bites while maintaining proper posture.
- If you anticipate dropping food or spills, use your free hand to assist. You can cover your mouth or catch any spills with your hand, minimizing sudden movements.
- When using both fork and knife, avoid switching hands mid-meal. With practice, guide food to your mouth using your non-dominant hand.
Avoid creating unnecessary noise while eating.
Chew with your mouth closed and aim for silence. Opting for smaller bites can help minimize noise. Keep your mouth shut while chewing, refrain from noisy eating habits like blowing on your food or slurping soup.
- At formal dinners, steer clear of noisy food choices like oysters, corn on the cob, or buffalo wings. However, in casual settings, it's more about enjoying the meal graciously, even if it's messy.
Handle messy foods with care and patience.
Approach messy foods thoughtfully. Before indulging in dishes like sloppy joes or burritos, take a moment to strategize each bite. Eating slowly and pausing between bites allows you to manage the mess more effectively.
- When tackling buffalo wings, opt for drumsticks and take small bites to minimize mess. Alternatively, use utensils for foods like chili-cheese fries or candy apples.
- For saucy sandwiches or hot dogs, avoid setting them down as they tend to fall apart. As for soup, spoon it away from you and use the side of the spoon to avoid spills.
Avoid reaching across the table.
When dining, politely request items to be passed rather than reaching across. Instead of stretching over someone's space, simply ask for shared items such as salt, pepper, or extra napkins. It's a common courtesy in fine dining to ask for assistance.
- Politely request items by saying, 'Excuse me, would you mind passing me the salt?'
- Don't worry about inconveniencing others; requesting items is customary in formal dining settings.
Wait for approval before progressing through the meal.
Allow the dessert to be introduced by the server—refrain from signaling them to inquire about it. Whether dining out or at a social gathering, it's best to wait for guidance from others rather than taking the initiative yourself. Demonstrating patience exudes elegance.
- At gatherings, wait for an invitation to be seated. In restaurants, follow the host's direction instead of taking matters into your own hands.
- Rushing the meal implies dissatisfaction and can be perceived as impolite and gluttonous.
Avoid using your phone.
Keep your phone on silent mode and refrain from using it during meals. Using your phone to check messages or notifications can be considered impolite, especially in formal dining situations. To maintain elegance, keep your phone out of sight and distractions to a minimum.
- Checking your phone may suggest disinterest, so it's best to avoid it. Similarly, try not to conspicuously check the time on your watch.
Engage in conversation with everyone during the event.
When attending a large gathering, initiate conversation with those seated nearby. Demonstrating kindness and ease is an elegant gesture, especially in formal settings where acquaintances may be present. Starting conversations with strangers not only displays confidence but also prevents social awkwardness. It's considered impolite to disregard fellow diners seated beside you.
- Make an effort to interact with all attendees at least once throughout the event.
- This social tradition aims to maintain a pleasant atmosphere and avoid loud exchanges across the table.
- Opt for conversation topics that appeal to everyone present.
Opt for the restaurant's specialties.
When dining out, trust the chef's expertise and order the establishment's signature dishes. Selecting the restaurant's renowned specialties demonstrates culinary appreciation and a preference for excellence. It signifies a discerning palate and a willingness to experience the finest offerings available.
- If you have dietary restrictions or preferences, choose an alternative dish that aligns with the restaurant's cuisine. However, avoid ordering items too far removed from the restaurant's specialty.
Seek clarification if needed.
Don't hesitate to ask questions. Whether it's about a menu item or table etiquette, feel free to seek clarification. There's no need to feel embarrassed about not knowing something related to fine dining. Asking questions demonstrates confidence and a willingness to learn.
- Asking for information doesn't reflect poorly on you; it shows your willingness to engage and understand.
Useful Tips
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Hold utensils delicately between your fingers rather than gripping them tightly. For knives, apply pressure with your index finger from above.
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When attending a dinner party, consider bringing a thoughtful gift, such as a bottle of wine.
