Buzz
Published in 1992, the book “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” quickly became a bestseller, a bedside companion for many up to this day. Perhaps the need to understand the opposite gender has never gone cold at any time.
Book: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Men from Mars, Women from Venus: A Book with Compelling Insights
However, subsequent scientific articles quickly provided much evidence to show that the author of the above book had drawn many baseless conclusions. Once again, the conclusions of 'sounds right to me' gradually crumbled when scrutinized from a scientific perspective.
Perhaps people forget that we not only fail to understand the opposite gender, but seemingly fail to understand all the people we often come into contact with. Books like 'understanding children,' 'understanding parents,' 'understanding employees,' 'understanding superiors,' 'understanding colleagues,' 'understanding customers,' 'knowing what students think,' 'knowing what professors want'... are also quite common and continuously published in many languages. With biological and social differences, our encounters where we don't understand each other are actually more common than understanding each other (hence why true friendships are rare, and even close friends can have conflicts).
So, how can 'not understanding' and 'differences' (things that clearly exist commonly) be enough to draw essential conclusions about the two genders?
This article will clarify some differences between the two genders regarding romance, to see where men and women truly differ and where it's just myths woven by social prejudices.
1. Regarding the main viewpoints
If the issue for extreme right-wing individuals is about stratification, categorizing groups innocently, and then attributing this characteristic to this group, another issue for extreme left-wing individuals is to blur boundaries and homogenize everything equally innocently.
For example, right-wing supporters often endorse hierarchical social pyramids with bottoms and tops, with some at the bottom and some at the top. Like seeing native Hanoians as intelligent, diligent, studious, sophisticated, ceremonial... while people in rural areas are considered uncouth, loud, crude... Another example is that white people are superior, God's children, holding the mission of enlightenment, tall and beautiful... while black people, Asians are uncivilized, ignorant, savage, worthy of being civilized... Particularly in Vietnam, some people disagree with the second classification but agree with the first one. Stratification also appears based on economics, education level, gender, job title...
Meanwhile, extreme left-wing individuals may aim to break down all limitations. For example, genders are alike, all artworks are equally valuable, all ethnicities are the same, education level is just a societal construct, Baby Shark or Bach's symphonies are equally incomparable, Mona Lisa or a photo of a banana have similar artistic value... this indirectly leads to disorder, indirectly elevating and lowering many things (but 'order,' 'elevate,' 'lower' are terms often used by right-wing individuals).
In the quest for truth, for natural order, essence, and permanence... both sides find themselves entangled in an inescapable loop when arguing from a societal perspective. Hence, the recent trend is to rely on science to seek the 'natural essence' of human beings. For example, exploring whether men truly have a more specialized brain than women, or if white people are more intelligent than other races.
The above descriptions are just general and aimed at the 'extreme' groups, not necessarily fully depicting both sides. It is known that up to this point, you're very likely to fall into one of the two sides, and it's quite challenging to stand in a neutral position to make a fair judgment for any side. These two political tendencies not only exist in what people consider 'high' issues like ideologies or political parties but seem to be prominently present in how we perceive ordinary matters.
Love, or the roles of both genders in love, is one of them. We mention the two trends above because this article will touch upon the viewpoints of people from both sides, and you might feel uncomfortable. But whether you feel uncomfortable or not is not important; what matters is whether that discomfort is justified.
All viewpoints in the article are supported by scientific evidence, sources are provided in the comment section below.
2. Unclear Differences Between Men and Women
Science has been leveraged to reinforce social biases in the past. Many experiments have been conducted to assert that 'white people are smarter than black people' and a plethora of racially discriminatory stereotypes, collectively referred to as scientific racism. Alongside this is neurosexism (gender discrimination based on neuroscience) or scientific sexism...
Although subsequent studies and experiments have been debunked for intentionally or unintentionally violating fundamental research principles, such as publication bias, flawed experimental design, inadequate sample sizes, sampling bias, over-extrapolation, lack of statistical significance... the issue persists to this day and continues to be addressed in leading scientific journals. Particularly regarding gender differentiation in science, it is somewhat related to the fact that historically, there have been more male scientists than female scientists, meaning many gender-related experiments have been conducted by males and biases have surreptitiously infiltrated.
Most notably is the debate surrounding differences in brain anatomy. Since the brain is the primary battleground to determine the accuracy of reality, each side wants the brain to align with their stance: do our brains resemble each other, or differ from birth?
Initially, numerous studies suggested that 'men have larger brain regions' or 'men have more gray matter, women have more white matter,' which quickly spread through the media. Subsequent more specific studies revised these conclusions, stating, 'there is no difference in brain size between the two genders, meaning when comparing brains of different genders of the same size, brain regions show no statistically significant differences,' and 'the gray matter difference primarily lies in distribution, not total quantity.'
Currently, this issue remains debated, with numerous new studies still publishing findings of 'gender differences in brain,' followed by a slew of scientific articles concluding 'no differences exist.' Science Alert even published a statistical review article explicitly stating 'over 100 years and no one has pinpointed any specific differences between the brains of the two genders.' Importantly, there have been no sideline conclusions regarding these differences, meaning if there were actual brain differences between genders, the subsequent implications remain open-ended.
Thus, I tentatively conclude that this issue continues to be heavily debated, and caution should be exercised when approaching studies, at least those before and after this 2020 milestone, for a few years. The battle between nature and nurture in science and media is far from over.
What's more certain is the familiar myth that 'men think about sex more than women' has been inaccurately expressed over time. The truth is men think about everything more than women, including sex, food, and other survival factors. In other words, the act of thinking more about survival factors as an instinct indirectly leads to men thinking more about sex than women (about 19 times a day versus 10 times a day, a ratio also similar to thinking about food); it's not that both genders are equally preoccupied, but rather men have a disproportionate preoccupation with sex.
Take, for instance, the report on the number of sexual partners. While most indicate that men indeed have a higher number of sexual partners than women, mathematically, this is absurd. Because in a population, the number of males must equal the number of females and equal the number of couples (considering heterosexuality). Therefore, with reports showing men having two to three times more sexual partners than women (where are these numbers coming from?), mathematicians are skeptical and believe there are lingering issues in the surveys.
A cross-cultural, multinational study also reveals that attitudes and trends regarding sexuality in women vary significantly across cultures, while men tend to be more consistent. This may partly illustrate how societal prejudices impact women in sexual matters, while the global patriarchy affords men a relatively similar position in many places.
3. But indeed, we are truly different
Born with XX and XY chromosomes, hence, we are different. It would be absurd to place two male-female, male-female individuals in any species and ask if there are differences and receive the answer 'no.'
But in the realm of love and sexuality, what are the intriguing differences?
Firstly, male sexual desire is higher, directly influenced by testosterone. However, this holds true mainly in the early years, particularly during adolescence, and tends to decrease over time. Conversely, because female sexual desire is also related to testosterone, anyone (regardless of gender) with high testosterone levels will have higher sexual desire.
The interesting part is that women tend to feel more desire during ovulation due to increased testosterone. Additionally, as testosterone decreases, so does desire, a process men face with aging. On the other hand, as women move into later stages of life, estrogen levels decrease, highlighting the roles of other hormones, including testosterone (of course, only pre-menopause). This might explain why many women tend to experience increased desire later in life and often feel unfulfilled sexually during that time.
Regarding emotional responses, another study suggests that men tend to 'fall in love' and express feelings earlier than women, although both genders believe women are more inclined to do so. Another study found that women say 'I love you' more frequently than men. Yet another study indicates that men feel more emotionally rejected than women. These results are relatively consistent with everyday life.
It's also observed that women may experience physical changes even without desire or psychological stimulation (such as lubrication when experiencing physical stimulation). This could be related to another survey showing that 97% of women report engaging in sexual activity without sexual desire, while only 60% of men report the same. A study also found that women are more likely to fall in love with a partner after engaging in sexual activity than men.
In terms of societal biases, a multi-disciplinary study based on social surveys concluded that indeed men are favored in promiscuity and having multiple partners, as well as in patriarchal societies, where women tend to compromise if economically supported. Wikipedia's page on 'gender differences in psychology' also cites various studies and makes conclusions like: men are generally more aggressive, women are more emotional and empathetic, men prioritize social values like principles and fairness more... Alongside are debates surrounding intelligence, memory, or personality types.
But these conclusions are still subject to much debate.
Overall, the common theories like 'men have more sperm and should spread their genes, provide for wives and children' or 'women have fewer eggs and are responsible for childcare, dependent on men' are so outdated that they're no longer used in science and media. Even if you're conservative, if you're still clinging to these notions, it's probably time for an update.
Because these arguments often originated many decades ago, when scientific evidence was misinterpreted through contemporary social biases. And...
4. Stereotypes about men and women are harmful
The contradiction arises from the fact that indeed the two genders have different behaviors, habits, and personalities, which can be observed intuitively. But behaviors, habits, or personalities are constructed from both biological and social factors, and we don't know which one is decisive. For example, do men have more partners due to instinct, society, or both? Because in a survey of subjects in England, researchers found that men participating in the experiment tended to estimate, while women counted accurately.
Surveys on partners also relate to many biases and social phenomena, such as men reporting more partners being seen as more 'commendable,' and vice versa for women (this study also found that women anonymously answering on the web gave different numbers than those participating in direct surveys). Just as society has *** for men far outnumbering *** for women.
Certainly, the impacts of social factors cannot deny the existence of biological differences, as analyzed in part 3. However, because social biases directly interact with 'behavior, habits, and personality,' while biological differences only partly explain the mechanisms behind them, it would be unfair to invoke biological arguments to rationalize social biases.
For instance, a slightly sensitive example: we find female public urination more offensive than male. Although this behavior is equally offensive in both genders, the discomfort we feel when imagining a woman squatting by the roadside may be closely related to the social biases in our living environment. For example, imagining a woman to be gentle, modest, and proper makes that assumed behavior less likely and more difficult to accept. While biases against men are much more lenient, and male public urination is more common and 'eye-catching.'
Before you get uncomfortable, I just want to say that the public urination story is just an assumption, and in fact, we all agree that it shouldn't exist in both genders. However, with other biases operating similarly, what about the 'normal' things that still create extremely uncomfortable feelings? Knowing that sexuality and marriage are the areas where women face the most biases. For example:
Similar things are very common, and we don't know what is nature and what is a product of social order. And the debate will continue for a very long time to come. But we must admit that we are strongly influenced by these biases, and although it is a secondary factor, it can guide the creation of prejudices as we seek primary sources. Biases even create ideal models for us to aspire to and models that we detest... In many cases, this does not lead to good outcomes.
But from a historical perspective, we cannot deny the fact that society has always been gradually losing old prejudices. For example, things that were once considered 'unacceptable' for women are now disappearing thanks to the feminist movements. And modern people evaluate past customs as 'unacceptable.'
The past was much worse than the present, for both men and women. We all know this.
So the question now is, in the future, when posterity looks back at this time, how will they judge us, based on the existing biases?
And is that even important, because what has happened has finally happened?
Posted by: Trần Ward
Keywords: Men from Mars, Women from Venus: Where's the Real Difference?
