Buzz
Some individuals recoil at the mere thought of working weekends, while others thrive in this environment. When these contrasting lifestyles intersect, it can create challenges in the dating realm, leaving both parties feeling discontented. However, it is feasible to date a workaholic if you're willing to engage in open communication, establish mutually agreed-upon boundaries, and seek compromises that satisfy both parties. If you're willing to make an effort to address your date's workaholic tendencies, the following steps will provide guidance on how to tackle the issue, even if it leads to the realization that this relationship may not be the right fit for you.
Key Steps
Assess whether your partner exhibits signs of being a workaholic. Some indicators may include:
- You're the sole non-family member with whom your partner maintains intimacy, as they lack connections beyond the workplace.
- They consistently prioritize work over everything else, including your relationship.
- Regardless of the time, your partner is always engrossed in work-related tasks and has a distorted perception of time.
- Even significant occasions, such as family celebrations, fail to deter your partner from working.
- During dates, your partner frequently answers calls, checks emails, or places orders for work-related matters.
Initiate an open dialogue with your date regarding their professional life. Gain insights into what motivates and drives them in their career. Understanding their perspective may foster empathy and understanding on your part. While these signs may indicate that your date is consistently occupied with work, they can elicit sympathy from you:
- They may be navigating the challenges of a business startup, a particularly demanding phase of life.
- Your date may be striving for a promotion, requiring continual demonstration of dedication.
- Coming from a family with a strong work ethic, your date may view long work hours as normal and acceptable.
Reflect on your personal beliefs and approach to work to determine if you're attributing excessive significance to the issue or conflating ambition with work addiction. If you prioritize maintaining a work-life balance or have overcome workaholic tendencies, your observations may serve as warning signs for the relationship's viability. Recognize some of the potential benefits of dating a workaholic:
- You gain ample personal time to pursue your interests without feeling smothered.
- Contrary to expectations, research indicates that women in relationships with workaholics report higher levels of sexual satisfaction, as per findings by psychology professor Jonathon Schwartz.
- You avoid feeling suffocated by a partner who is overly dependent, compliant, or uninteresting.
- Explain that you fully understand his or her passion for the job but that you want some balance so that the two of you also have quality time together.
- Avoid laying blame. Just state the facts and how the merry-go-round of never being sure whether or not your date is available is affecting you personally. It is important to remember that "for workaholics, all the eggs of self-esteem are in the basket of work", so criticizing their work decisions won't endear you to your date.
- Explain how you would like things to be, and in doing so, be realistic. Asking for a little more time together is reasonable but asking for your date to get a new job is not!
Agree on some ground rules. If you feel that your date has responded well to your talk, suggest that the two of you make some ground rules, or compromises, to ensure the health of your dating life. While you will probably not get the extent of agreement to more time together that you're looking for, go into this negotiation in good faith, expecting to lower some of your own expectations as well if you're prepared to make this work.
- Ask that your date turn off his or her phone during a date unless it is an extreme emergency.
- Ask for no texting or emailing during the date.
- Consider having certain nights set aside for just the two of you minus work. Perhaps Saturday or Sunday night is a good night for both of you to touch base, eat together and watch a movie. Try to make this a regular date night.
- Consider meeting up for lunch once a week. If you're prepared to compromise, make the lunch date near your date's place of work to encourage them to see this as an easy thing to do.
- If your date accepts that there is probably an over-reliance of spending more time at work than putting into place more effective work practices and is willing to look at the possibilities, consider if you can help with any suggestions for improving work/life balance.
- Avoid nagging, pleading, or whining at this point. It won't make any difference but it will make you appear petty and clingy. If your date is non-committal or refuses to discuss the issues, start thinking seriously about where this relationship is headed.
If you've talked things over and realize that continuing to date a workaholic isn't feasible, it's time to move on. If these experiences resonate with you, it's likely your dating relationship is headed for failure:
- You're running out of patience with the constant work excuses.
- Your date refuses to compromise.
- You feel ignored when you're together, with work always on their mind.
- You're intensely jealous of their work commitments.
- You feel neglected or that they're breaking agreed-upon rules.
- Nothing changes; their startup is still 'starting up' years later!
- You sense a lack of prioritization or planning skills.
Watch out for red flags when dating again. If you've ended a relationship due to a partner's workaholism, be mindful of these signs for future dates to avoid similar issues. It's wise to steer clear of someone who:
- Frequently cancels dates last minute.
- Never manages to make time for you despite promises.
- Constantly talks about work and its challenges.
- Acts as if work is more important than anything else.
- Keeps you waiting excessively for planned dates.
Tips
- When your partner is busy, take time for yourself. Spend time with friends, indulge in self-care.
- Avoid distracting your partner while they work. Respect their need to focus.
- Don't expect your partner's undivided attention at all times.
Warnings
- Avoid being overly dependent and complaining. You're not a child.
- Workaholism is often praised in society, but if it doesn't align with your values, stick to your beliefs. Long-term, workaholism isn't healthy and suggests misplaced priorities. While you shouldn't judge, don't wait around unhappily for the inevitable consequences.
- Don't try to change your partner's work habits. You can't force them to stop working, and you wouldn't want to be the cause of their job loss.
Things You'll Need
- Exciting date ideas that engage your partner's interest in spite of their work commitments
