Buzz
'Countless times, I remind myself to maintain distance, not let the heart waver, absolutely not to waver. However, just one caring word or a tender action from you, and my heart immediately softens, all the previous efforts vanish. You are truly ruthless!'
People give themselves a little hope, imagining that others are kind to them, that others have feelings for them. It's just my self-delusion. I delude myself and then face disappointment. It's very discouraging, very heartbreaking.
When I realize that the person I like also likes me, that's when the illusion disease has no cure anymore. If there's no affection, why do you treat me so well, why care for me so much, why inject a few fragile rays of hope into my heart and then cut it off without mercy? Do you know how cruel that is, dear?
I'm not wrong for not loving you, but I'm wrong for giving you hope. Yet, perhaps the biggest mistake is you, building virtual illusions about your place in me. It took maybe hundreds of attempts for me to delete your number, break the habit of checking your Facebook. Every time I saw your online status, I'd jump in to chat, but I failed miserably, oh, I failed so miserably. Deleting your number from my contacts, yet it lingers in my mind like a vivid memory. Do you know? In a week, a month, even a year, I'm about to succeed, about to forget you. Yet, you won't let the past rest peacefully.
You excel in giving hope to others, making them fantasize. Disappearing without a trace and occasionally resurfacing to ask a few casual questions. For you, it's simply seeking someone to exchange a few social pleasantries. But to me, every second of those moments is cherished, hoping they'll last forever. Every time, you make my delusional affliction more severe.
Countless times, I reminded myself to maintain distance, not to let my heart waver, absolutely not to waver. However, just a sentence or a caring gesture from you, and my heart instantly softens. All the previous efforts vanish. You're truly cruel!
People are selfish like that. They like being liked, not reciprocating, yet wanting to keep someone close, causing them emotional turmoil that's inexplicably impossible to let go. Manipulating someone's heart year after year, are you enjoying it? I'm like a discarded doll, left in some corner, occasionally feeling sad and bored, then dragged out to play.
Perhaps the most skillful thing girls do is fantasize about their place in someone else's heart. So, I always fantasize or convince myself that at some moment, no, just a split second, you were moved by my sincere feelings.
They say girls who love unrequitedly tend to be delusional. Indeed, at least we need to find a support, a bit of hope to cling to. Dream on because life allows it; no one prohibits it. But the more beautiful the dream, the more painful the awakening. The first time, I realized that genuine love doesn't always get reciprocated, not every one-sided love story has a happy ending like in the movies.
Source: ST
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