Buzz
Regardless of your religious beliefs, finding yourself in a conversation or debate about religion can be uncomfortable. Whether you're being drawn into a discussion or a disagreement, you may feel uneasy about the timing and setting. If you're not interested in the topic, consider changing the subject or politely ending the conversation. However, if you can't avoid discussing religion with someone, establishing some ground rules can help make the conversation more manageable.
Steps
Steering the Conversation Elsewhere
Subtly shift the conversation to a different topic. Redirecting the discussion is a polite way to steer clear of religious talk. If someone brings up religion, smoothly transition to a different subject without making it obvious. Ask questions that lead the other person to discuss topics you're genuinely interested in.
- For instance, suppose your friend mentions, “I think everyone should go to church every Sunday. What do you think?”
- You could respond with, “Speaking of weekends, have you been on any interesting trips lately?”
Preemptively steer the conversation away from religion. Take control by initiating discussions on neutral topics before religion comes up. This proactive approach helps avoid uncomfortable situations before they arise.
- Prepare some neutral conversation starters, such as 'What did you all think of the latest episode of that popular show?' or 'Anyone have exciting travel plans coming up?'
- Whenever you anticipate a discussion with someone prone to discussing religion, lead with one of these neutral topics.
Introduce a buffer into the conversation. Bringing in a new participant naturally shifts the focus away from the current topic. If someone persists in discussing religion, having a buffer ensures you're not left alone in an uncomfortable situation.
- You can make the transition abruptly by saying, “Hey, isn't that Pam over there? Let's go say hi! Hey Pam! Come join us!”
- Enlist a friend or ally as your buffer. They'll likely pick up on the situation and offer support.
Respond with silence. Sometimes, saying nothing speaks volumes. If religion is brought up in an uncomfortable manner, maintain silence for a few seconds before steering the conversation toward a neutral topic. This subtle cue communicates that discussing religion isn't appropriate at the moment.
Concluding the Discussion
Use a polite excuse to exit the conversation. Employing a white lie is acceptable when trying to gracefully exit an awkward discussion about religion. Express appreciation for the conversation but indicate that you need to leave.
- Make an excuse that prevents the person from following you easily.
- For example, instead of saying you're getting a refill, which invites them to join, mention that you need to make an urgent phone call home.
Employ the hard pivot strategy. When confronted with an uncomfortable or offensive religious remark, you're not obligated to react in any way. Simply pivot and walk away. While this might come across as impolite, it's justified if discussing religion isn't appropriate given the circumstances.
Choose to ignore incidental remarks rather than engaging in a debate. If someone makes a religious comment, even if it irks you, there's no obligation to respond. This is particularly applicable if it's not an opportune moment to broach the subject. If the comment isn't specifically directed at you, let it slide and exit the conversation at your earliest convenience.
Establishing Guidelines
Establish a no-debate zone. If you find yourself unable to avoid the conversation and the other person persists, be direct about your reluctance to engage. Politely but firmly convey that religion is a personal and sensitive matter, and it may not be suitable for discussion in certain contexts. Propose that, for the sake of those present, it's best to refrain from debating religion at that moment.
Propose deferring the discussion to another time. If the individual isn't confrontational but wishes to discuss religion, suggest postponing the conversation to a more suitable time and place. If you're genuinely interested in discussing religion with them, you can arrange for a later discussion. If you simply want to divert the conversation, keep your response vague.
- Suggesting, “Let's save this conversation for the next social gathering,” should suffice.
Embrace mutual acceptance. This classic approach often proves effective with reasonable individuals. If religion arises in an uncomfortable setting, express that you may have differing spiritual beliefs and suggest steering the conversation towards another topic.
Pointers
Cautions
- Don't shy away from discomfort. While it's tempting to avoid challenging discussions, it's important to engage, even with those who hold narrow perspectives. Uncomfortable conversations are sometimes necessary for growth.
