Top 10 Funniest Military Jokes

1.True Courage

Next to a crocodile-infested pond, three officers are debating who has the bravest soldier. The first officer orders his soldier:

- Swim across this pond!

The soldier hesitates but eventually follows the order and swims quickly, escaping unharmed.

Not very impressed, the second officer shouts to his subordinate:

- Jump into the pond and stay there for 10 minutes!

Although terrified, the soldier reluctantly complies. After 10 minutes of struggling with the crocodiles, he miraculously makes it to the shore.

The third officer speaks to his soldier:

- Jump in and prove you're braver than them!

This soldier confidently steps forward, addressing the officers:

- I can jump in and kill all those crocs, but that would be a foolish command, a pointless sacrifice. I – won't – jump!

The third officer smiles at the surprise of the other two:

- I believe he's the truly brave one!

2.One-eyed Prisoner
The warden stares at prisoner A, sternly asking:
- What's your name?
Prisoner B quickly responds:
- Sir, my name is Ali.
The warden looks at prisoner B angrily and shouts:
- I didn't ask you.
Prisoner C, frightened, clarifies:
- But, I didn't say anything.

1. Promotion

Two soldiers meet after a long time. One asks:

- Where are you stationed now?

- I'm next to the defense chief's office.

- Great! How's the job?

- I have 30 people under me.

- You've become a platoon leader, congratulations!

- No, I got a promotion to be the liaison for the chief. Just moved up to the third floor next to the boss's office for convenience.

2. Difference

The commanding officer of the reserve battalion gets angry at his men:
- I can't understand why well-trained and strong soldiers like you, scoring perfect 10 in shooting exercises..., yet in combat, you all just hide and shoot aimlessly into the sky. Explain to me!

- Just one reason, sir.
- What reason?
- Those beer bottles don't shoot back.

1. The Struggle of Camouflaged Soldier

The commander calls a young soldier up to reprimand:

- Why did you reveal our military disguise in the recent sports event? Not only that, you insulted, humiliated, and almost assaulted two local residents?

- Sir, in carrying out the assigned task, I disguised myself as a tree stump. Those 'local residents' led each other to sit under the tree. First, they talked like siblings, birds far from the nest, then exchanged vows... Despite hearing nothing but deceitful stories, I remained silent, determined not to expose our position. Then came the hugging, caressing, kissing, and various demands... Despite being quite stirred myself, I still vowed not to reveal our position. But when the 'local resident' pulled out a pocket knife and intended to carve the name of the other 'local resident' on... my rear end, I could no longer endure...

2. Why not let the enemy do it?

A rookie unit's drill. The lieutenant shouts:
- Prepare for a counterattack! The entire platoon grabs shovels to dig defensive positions.
- A soldier says: Sir, why don't we let ourselves attack, and let the enemy dig defensive positions, wouldn't that be better?

1. The Wooden Episode

During the unit's labor hour, a corporal encounters two soldiers walking in a line, immediately stops them and asks:

- Hey, where are you two going?

- We're taking the wooden log to the warehouse.

- Which wooden log?

- Oh my, goodness, we forgot to mark the wooden log.

2. Constructing a School

On the first day back to the local area, there was an official letter from above announcing that a business would build the village's primary school, requesting local cooperation to facilitate the enterprise. At the end of the letter, there was a sentence: “The Chairman of the People's Committee of Y Ty commune is responsible for implementing this Decision.” Unexpectedly, Chairman Phan Dan Phay jumped up in surprise: “Oh no, no way! When did I become a construction worker? The district is forcing me to go build a school?”. The border guards had to explain a lot before he finally understood. Afterward, he said: “If it weren't for the border guards, I would have been accused of defying the district's order!”.

1.Sharpshooting Skills
During the K54 handgun proficiency test in the unit, the commanding officer said:

- Comrades, master the basics, try to shoot like me, hitting the bullseye with all three rounds. I'll demonstrate for you!

The commanding officer takes the shooting position. The range officer tells the soldier scoring the target: “Report each shot's score!”

- Bang! – The first shot goes off.

Target report:

- 9!

- Bang! – The second shot goes off.

Target report:

- 8!

- Bang! – The third shot goes off.

The range officer shouts:

- Captain's shot!

Target report:

- 13!

Everyone laughs.

- Excellent! All three shots add up to exactly 30 points!

2.Heroic Deed

During the Arab-Israeli war, an Israeli soldier was granted 30 days leave and awarded a medal for capturing an enemy tank alive.
A reporter came to interview him.
Reporter: Can you tell me how you performed such a miraculous feat?
Soldier: It's easy. I was driving my tank into battle when I suddenly spotted an Arab tank. I stuck my head out, waved at him, and said to the tank driver: Hey, do you want 30 days of leave? The tank driver nodded.
Reporter: What happened next?
Soldier: Simple, we exchanged tanks, and each drove back.

1. Wooden Pulse

A veteran goes for a medical checkup, the doctor feels his wrist and checks the watch. After a minute of observation, he declares:

- Good, pulse is normal.

- But... doctor, that's my artificial arm!

2. Water Pipeline

Seeing the difficulty of bringing water to the village, soldiers and locals jointly build a water pipeline from the mountain. The pipeline made of bamboo works well when it's fresh, delivering plenty of water. Some households share a common water pipeline. When it rains less, the dried bamboo cracks, causing water loss. The houses at the end of the pipeline sometimes have no water or very little. This leads to suspicion, and they start observing each other. If one house has water while another doesn't, Sung Sin Man grabs a knife and a hoe, storms out, and destroys the pipeline, saying, “I participated in building this pipeline. If it has water and I don't, why? If I don't have water, I'll destroy it!”. The border guards have to explain and encourage them to build a new pipeline before they agree.

1. Deep Water

Three soldiers are ordered to escort three female commandos to the combat zone. In the middle of the journey, the three men instruct the three ladies to slow down and not follow them closely. The curious and anxious women secretly follow them anyway.

It turns out to be a stream, and the three soldiers have to undress to their heads and wade through the chest-deep water. The three women laugh mischievously and imitate them when the men move out of sight. Unfortunately, when the female commandos reach the middle of the stream, the water only comes up to their knees!

Back at the combat zone, the three women complain to the commanding officer. The officer immediately calls the three soldiers to explain. Scratching their heads, the soldiers say:

– Oh, because we were on a hot road, we took the opportunity to cool off by crossing the stream while bathing. When we reached the middle, we switched to walking on our knees, so the water only came up to our chests. Little did we know the ladies would imitate us. Don't worry, sir, we scouted ahead, focused on reconnaissance and surveillance, and didn't look back, so they didn't see anything.

2. Swearing Incident
Back in the days when the army marched in a single file, the commander walked in the middle of the procession to lead. Orders were passed mouth to mouth from person to person, and of course, they had to be accurate!

Our battalion was marching southwards, facing a severe shortage of food along the way. We suggested to the commander that we shoot wild animals to improve our meals. The commander agreed but to avoid everyone shooting small animals, wasting bullets, and having insufficient meat to share, he instructed:

– Comrades, you should only shoot wild boars or deer. If you have any questions, ask me!

That day, while marching, suddenly the front spotted a deer. They immediately relayed the information to the commander:

– Report, Commander, you said we can only shoot deer. Can we shoot this one?

The order reached the commander's ears, and he got angry:

– *** it, a deer or a doe, what's the difference!

And so, the cursing echoed throughout the empty forest. As the message passed through the ranks, the deer had already run away!

1. First Landing

The airplane is landing, a passenger looks nervous, the flight attendant asks:

– Are you feeling tired?

– Well, I can endure... maybe because I'm not used to it.

– Is this your first time flying?

– Yes... oh no, it's my first time landing with the airplane; I'm a paratrooper.

2. Taken by the Mailman

Hey, don't mention marriage proposals in front of me anymore, okay?
- Why is that strange? The girl you wrote a letter to, promising to get married when she finished military service, what happened to that?
- She got taken by the mailman!

1. Alcohol and the Soldier

A soldier, after getting drunk, meets the battalion commander:

– Hey, comrade, drinking alcohol is very dangerous for health; many people have died because of it.

The soldier stands up straight and says:

– Reporting to the commander, I know, but a soldier is not allowed to fear death.

2. Long Rice

One day, Thao A Chinh went down to the town with the border guards to attend a typical production meeting in the village. For breakfast, Thao A Chinh said: “The soldiers, give me some long rice to eat; I haven't had it for a long time, and I miss it!”. The border guards with him were newly assigned to the post and didn't know what 'long rice' was. They asked at several eateries, but no one knew. It wasn't until Thao A Chinh pointed to a bun noodle shop that the border guards realized that 'long rice' is actually... noodles.

1. War and Peace

Two new soldiers talking in the camp:

- Why did you voluntarily join the army?

- I'm single, and I like war. How about you?

- I'm married, but I love peace.

2. Funny Story from the Border Guard...

Ly A Sau was ordered by the post commander to visit home because there has been much progress lately. Before leaving, the post commander advised: “When you get off the bus, Ly A Sau, you have to go straight home!”. Hearing that, Ly A Sau immediately responded: “No way! If the commander says anything, I can still listen, but this one I can't hear!”. Curious, his comrades asked, and Ly A Sau explained: “From the bus station to my house, I have to walk straight for one machete, then turn right, walk another two machetes, turn left, more than two machetes, turn left again, walk another machete to finally reach the village. If the commander says I have to go straight home, then I can't do it!”. The post commander, with an understanding smile, explained, and both laughed heartily.