Buzz
Superheroes have taken the world by storm. With countless films in production and an endless stream of comic books serving as the primary source of inspiration, the industry is thriving. While iconic figures like Batman, Spiderman, and Wonder Woman continue to dominate, not every new hero manages to achieve the same level of success.
Below, we explore ten superheroes whose abilities appear to serve little purpose. In the rush to create new characters, not every attempt hits the mark. From Jazz and Squirrel Girl (yes, really) to the Almighty Dollar, some heroes stand out for their absurdity. Their catchphrases often fall flat, rivaling the silliness of their names and powers. Perhaps the true villains are the comic book editors behind these creations. Settle into your own 'Fortress of Solitude' and prepare to be amazed by some of the most useless powers ever imagined.
10. Hindsight Lad
Hindsight Lad! Just mentioning his name brings a grin. Created by Marvel Comics, this hero's name perfectly matches his utterly pointless ability. Hindsight Lad possesses the remarkable power of, you guessed it, hindsight. After missions with his fellow superheroes, he reviews and reflects on how things could have been done differently. I suppose his hindsight truly is 20/20?
It’s clear Marvel was running out of ideas when they created this character. Honestly, Hindsight Lad feels more like a bothersome acquaintance than a superhero. What’s next? Backseat Driver Man? The Grammar Police? Some of the other heroes on this list boast even more absurdly useless abilities.
9. Cypher
Cypher stands out with one thing many heroes here lack: a cool name. Unfortunately, his power doesn’t live up to it. As a member of the X-Men, alongside legends like Wolverine, Storm, and Cyclops, Cypher’s mutation revolves around linguistics—he can understand every language. While this might have seemed impressive back in the day, it pales in comparison to modern tools like Google Translate, rendering him practically obsolete.
Marvel seemed to agree in 1988 when they killed him off in a comic. However, his story didn’t end there, as he was resurrected in 2009. While understanding languages might barely qualify someone as an X-Men, it seems Professor X was desperate to boost his team’s numbers. Cypher’s hyper-specific and seldom-useful ability cements his place as one of the most pointless heroes ever.
8. Squirrel Girl
Believe it or not, there’s a comic book character named Squirrel Girl. It’s hard not to think the creators came up with her just because the name rhymes. Beyond that, there’s little logic to her existence. Squirrel Girl is somewhat similar to Aquaman, but her abilities are land-based, and she can only interact with one type of animal: squirrels.
In a crisis involving squirrels or acorns, Squirrel Girl is the hero you’d call. Outside of that, she doesn’t offer much value compared to other superheroes. She also inherits some squirrel-like traits, such as the ability to gnaw through wood, a tail for balance, and sharp claws. As part of the Great Lakes Avengers, she teams up with another questionable hero. While some superhero concepts are wild, Squirrel Girl’s creator must have been out of their mind.
7. Almighty Dollar
Almighty Dollar, like many heroes, has a secret identity, but his isn’t exactly well-hidden. His real name, J. Pennington Pennypacker, practically gives it away. By day, he works as a CPA. Yes, you heard that right—Almighty Dollar is an accountant, and his name alone makes his secret identity far from secret.
Almighty Dollar’s power involves shooting pennies from his wrist. Not only are his abilities lackluster, but his secret identity is also far from discreet. To make matters worse, his catchphrase is painfully awkward. When pursuing his foes (tax evaders, perhaps?), he claims he can 'throw money at my problems.' Unsurprisingly, this character didn’t last long, and readers weren’t eager to spend even a penny on his comics.
6. Badrock
While Marvel and DC dominate the comic book scene with their iconic heroes, Badrock emerged from a smaller publisher, Image Comics, as part of their 'Youngblood' series. However, Badrock’s design raises eyebrows due to its striking resemblance to Marvel’s Thing. Like his counterpart, Badrock boasts superhuman strength and an almost indestructible physique.
The similarities don’t end there. Originally, Badrock was named Bedrock, a more fitting title. However, after legal pressure from Hanna-Barbera, the creators of The Flintstones, Image Comics hastily renamed him Badrock. His catchphrase, 'Yabba dabba doom,' only adds to the cringe. It’s safe to say Badrock was destined to fail from the very beginning.
What makes comic book heroes stand out is their originality and creativity. Unfortunately, Badrock lacked both, making him a forgettable and unnecessary addition to the superhero world.
5. Phone Ranger
A.G. Bell was once a simple telephone repairman—a job that, believe it or not, was essential back in the day. His life took a dramatic turn while fixing a customer’s phone. He discovered an alien message embedded in the device, which inspired him to craft a high-tech suit and adopt the identity of the Phone Ranger. This marked the birth of another Marvel hero, though not one you’d likely remember.
The Phone Ranger’s suit granted him the ability to link up with any communication device, allowing him to swiftly answer distress calls. However, his lack of meaningful superpowers led to his quick demise. While his backstory was intriguing, his actual abilities were underwhelming. His claim to fame? Connecting with phones—something phones already do. Despite a compelling origin, the Phone Ranger’s powers were ultimately absurd and forgettable.
4. Razorback
Our next hero, Razorback, was designed to represent Arkansas. Buford Hollis, a former truck driver, took on this peculiar role. Razorback’s abilities are as odd as they come. His primary 'power' is the ability to operate any vehicle, which he affectionately names 'Big Pig.' But is driving really a superpower? His other 'power' involves an electrically charged hog head he wears as a helmet. Despite Marvel’s efforts to promote him, Razorback never gained traction.
Razorback was clearly an attempt to appeal to Arkansas, but it fell flat. Marvel even paired him with heavyweights like Spiderman and She-Hulk, yet he remained unpopular. Perhaps it’s because he was essentially a truck driver with a ridiculous hat. Razorback’s lack of appeal is a testament to how even the most creative efforts can miss the mark.
3. Mr. Immortal
The final hero on our list has a tragic backstory. Craig Hollis, as a young man, was deceived by the villain Deathurge into starting a fire that claimed the lives of his parents. This devastating event plunged Hollis into deep depression, leading him to attempt suicide. However, he discovered he couldn’t die, and thus, Mr. Immortal came into existence.
Determined to make a difference, Hollis began fighting crime solo before co-founding the Great Lakes Avengers with Squirrel Girl. As his name suggests, Mr. Immortal cannot die; every time he does, he resurrects, often in a fit of rage. While immortality is an extraordinary ability, it pales in comparison to powers like flight, super speed, or strength. His origin is heartbreaking, and his power, while unique, is equally tragic.
2. Hepzibah
Our next hero hails from another world. Hepzibah belongs to the Mephitisoid species, a humanoid race with skunk-like traits. Interestingly, Hepzibah isn’t her real name—her true name is a sequence of smells, impossible to pronounce. The nickname 'Hepzibah' was given to her by Corsair, another comic book character. Her abilities are as peculiar as her name and origin.
Hepzibah is incredibly agile, possesses enhanced night vision, and an acute sense of smell. Her most distinctive ability is the release of pheromones. While the furry community admires her animal-like traits, her powers are largely ineffective. Her striking appearance, complete with a large skunk tail, makes her unforgettable. In newer comics, her design has shifted to resemble a cat more than a skunk. Despite these changes, her abilities remain as impractical as ever.
1. Jazz
Jazz, whose real name is John Arthur Zander, is another Marvel hero with underwhelming abilities. His father, a genetic mutant, was immune to pain and blended seamlessly into society. Jazz, however, wasn’t as fortunate. Born with blue skin, his condition was less of a superpower and more of a genetic anomaly.
Jazz’s journey in Marvel comics was fraught with hardship. At 16, he left home to pursue a rap career, which failed, leading him to drug dealing. His story ended tragically when he was killed by another mutant, Johnny Dee, using a voodoo doll. Despite being labeled a mutant, Jazz had no meaningful powers and endured suffering primarily due to his blue skin.
