Buzz
By the end of the 1970s, Star Wars merchandise had completely reshaped the toy industry. The action figures, inspired by the beloved movie characters, took on a new life, creating a lucrative market. Previously, action figures were often large, doll-like figures, mostly centered around military themes. But these new, smaller figures brought something fresh and exciting, triggering an action-figure craze.
From intergalactic soldiers to massive fantasy warriors, it seemed like each month introduced a new action figure collection. With ties to popular movies and TV shows, plastic figurines filled toy aisles for years. While some became cherished childhood memories, not every release was a hit, and many were left unsold, gathering dust on store shelves.
10. Teenage Mutant Turtles—Toon Burne
The range of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures released to ride on the wave of their early success was massive. However, it followed a rather straightforward approach: taking a familiar anthropomorphic character, much like the Turtles themselves, and adding a quirky twist. At one point, the demand for new figures grew so intense that new characters emerged who had never appeared in the animated series, including bizarre creations like a Shakespeare-quoting lion and a firefighting Dalmatian.
But none of these figures was as uninspired as Toon Burne. Part of a cartoon-themed line aimed at a younger audience, Burne was the boss of Channel 6 News, the station that frequently covered stories about the Turtles. A disheveled, middle-aged man with a paunch, it's hard to figure out why anyone thought this would appeal to kids. Just to be sure, they packed him with an exciting selection of items. How about a sandwich and a typewriter?
9. WWF Space Domination—Marc Mero
There are many lines and individual figures from WWE (formerly WWF) that could have made it to this list. From Bret 'The Hitman' Hart dressed as a 1930s gangster to the disastrous Maximum Sweat line (yes, action figures that sweat), some real monstrosities have been made in the name of sports entertainment. However, nothing was as unexciting as Marc Mero in space.
As part of the Space Domination Stomp 3 series, some wrestlers received space-themed versions of their characters. The Legion of Doom, with their post-apocalyptic armor, fit the concept. Even a futuristic version of The Undertaker seems like a cool idea. But why a mid-card wrestler like Marc Mero got a figure is completely baffling.
Clad in an outfit made from old washing machine parts, this wrestler’s action figure was one of the few ever produced. Interestingly, his wife Sable also had a figure in the same series, which depicted her in a bikini with very minimal accessories. Unsurprisingly, most children didn’t see the need to launch their favorite superstars into space, particularly Marc Mero, and the line quickly faded away.
8. G.I. Joe—The Fridge
One of the fascinating things about G.I. Joe figures was the wide range of jobs the characters held. The backing card for each figure provided details about the character’s identity, their moral alignment, and their specialty. Initially, this was thrilling, with most characters having traditional military roles. However, as the series expanded, the roles became increasingly strange and outlandish. Eventually, it was decided that G.I. Joe needed a real-life celebrity to serve as their physical training instructor.
William 'The Fridge' Perry, a defensive tackle for the Chicago Bears, was an enormous figure in the world of football. He made history as the heaviest player to ever score a touchdown in a Super Bowl and owns the largest Super Bowl ring ever made. He was only the second real-life person, following Sgt. Slaughter, to have a G.I. Joe action figure created in his likeness.
This figure was part of a Hasbro mail-away promotion in 1986, though the figures weren’t shipped until 1987. It came with an American football on a chain, and it’s unclear how effective this weapon would be in a battle against Cobra forces.
7. Beach Spiderman
After saving the universe from Thanos and dismantling Kingpin’s criminal empire in the city, even superheroes need a break. That includes everyone’s beloved web-slinger, Spider-Man. While many fans might imagine him relaxing on a rooftop with a pizza, it turns out his preferred way to unwind is actually at the beach. But only if you trust everything this action figure tells you.
It’s unclear why Spider-Man wouldn’t simply change into his civilian identity of Peter Parker. Instead, he opts to wear a vest, keep his mask on, and slip into a pair of Spiderman-themed board shorts. The figure also comes with some lifeguard accessories, like a float and a beachball, in case he wants to play volleyball with other superheroes.
Part of the Adventure Hero line, this figure might not even be the most bizarre. One other toy features Spider-Man in a colonial-era safari suit over his spandex, and there’s also a figure of Spider-Man as an inline skater.
Masters of the Universe—Astro Lion made its debut as part of the iconic toy line that gained a massive following. Astro Lion was one of the lesser-known characters in this franchise, but it stood out due to its unusual transformation ability.
The Transformers revolutionized the toy industry in the 1980s, born from a marketing strategy that transformed existing Japanese robot designs into a global craze. These toys, with a complex storyline and animation, became an overnight success.
During the height of its popularity, Masters of the Universe faced a decline and sought to reinvigorate interest with new characters. One such attempt involved the Meteorbs, which were inspired by Japanese transforming eggs called Tamagoras, but felt mismatched alongside the more powerful and bulky figures like He-Man.
Astro Lion was introduced later on, in an effort to refresh the line. However, a slim lion transforming into an egg was not the concept fans had been hoping for, especially when compared to the strong and iconic Battle Cat already in the series.
Astro Lion wasn't the only strange transformation introduced. Stonedar and Rokkon were also part of the franchise, transforming into rocks, a concept that might have seemed unexciting to some. However, Tonka would later release a similar line of toys, ‘Rocklords’, based on the same idea.
Star Wars—Power Droid may not have been the most exciting figure, but like many background characters in the Star Wars universe, it served a functional role in the quest for new action figures. Its place in the collection, though, was questionable at best.
Star Wars is notorious for scraping the bottom of the barrel to create new action figures, often making even the least remarkable characters into collectible toys. Among these, the Power Droid stood out as one of the least compelling, with its purpose unclear and its design lackluster.
The Power Droid, or 'gonk droid,' was essentially a walking battery that bore little resemblance to its on-screen counterpart. With minimal articulation and a basic box-on-legs design, it was memorable only for the characteristic 'gonk' sound it emitted in the film. Its only redeeming feature was that it could stand upright on its own, unlike many other figures.
Transformers—Beast Machines Silverbolt was another attempt by the franchise to keep things fresh, but not every creation turned out as hoped. Despite the series' ability to turn everyday objects into cool characters, Silverbolt's transformation was a misstep that didn't quite hit the mark.
The Transformers have mastered the art of transforming mundane objects into fascinating characters, like a tape recorder that became one of the most iconic figures in the franchise. However, even with such skill, there have been a few misfires, such as the disappointing version of Silverbolt from the Beast Machines series.
Silverbolt was one of the Fuzors in the Beast Wars series, a fusion of two animal forms—half wolf, half eagle. His unique combination made him a standout figure in the toy line, especially when paired with his paladin-like qualities. However, his appeal faded when the Beast Machines line reintroduced him as what could only be described as a cartoonish parrot.
In robot mode, Silverbolt's design was underwhelming, featuring a small, featureless head, oversized paws, and a sword made from his translucent wings. His animal form was even more disappointing, with his transformation resulting in a garish, vomit-colored cockatoo, and his arms resembling the last, unappetizing spicy wings at the bottom of the bucket.
Indiana Jones—German Mechanic seemed like an obvious choice for action figures, given the franchise's association with George Lucas and its anticipated success. Kenner, known for its Star Wars figures, had the license, and it seemed like a guaranteed hit.
The issue arose when, after acquiring the figure of Indiana Jones himself, the other characters failed to capture the same excitement. Unlike Star Wars, which was filled with strange and imaginative aliens, the Indiana Jones universe was populated by regular people. This is where the German Mechanic figure came in.
Unlike Star Wars, which teemed with fascinating and bizarre creatures, the Indiana Jones universe mostly consisted of regular characters, leaving little to spark the imagination. This led to the creation of figures like the German Mechanic, who felt far less engaging in comparison.
This character makes an appearance in Raiders of the Lost Ark, where he gets into a brief fistfight with Indiana Jones. However, his clumsy nature soon leads to his demise when he gets caught in the propellor of a plane. And just like that, his role in the story is over.
The figure based on this character is equally underwhelming. What was once a physically imposing actor has been transformed into a flabby, balding, middle-aged man with his shirt off. It's difficult to see how this was supposed to entice children to spend their pocket money.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves—Friar Tuck represents one of the figures in a toy line tied to a movie that inspired excitement in some, but left much to be desired in terms of originality and creativity.
Toy companies often look for cost-saving shortcuts, one of which involves reusing molds from older figures. For example, the mold for He-Man's Battle Cat originally came from the Big Jim series. When it came to the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves figures, it seemed that Kenner took an even lazier approach, offering little new.
Robin was simply a reworked Green Arrow figure from the DC Superpowers line, and the treetop playset was a recycled Ewok hideout. However, the biggest letdown came with the reuse of the Gamorrean Guard from Star Wars, one of the franchise’s most beloved characters, which was repurposed for something far less exciting.
The toy company didn't even try to create something new for Friar Tuck. They simply swapped the head for that of a drunken, overweight man and sold it as a figure from the movie. Not only was Friar Tuck one of the least engaging characters, but his figure also received no significant updates.
Dune Sandworm was a figure that sparked its own set of questions. Before its modern update, Dune had a film adaptation directed by David Lynch, which, despite its large budget and early expectations to rival Star Wars, became a commercial failure.
The original toy line was produced by LJN, a company whose reputation has been tarnished due to the poor quality of some of their figures. They were also known for creating terrible console games and for their wrestling figures, which lacked articulation and were largely unremarkable.
Out of all of LJN's offerings, the long, bendable sandworm toy stands out as one of the most baffling. It's hard to believe that no one at the company stepped in to stop its release. In the grand scheme of phallic-shaped toys, it’s only surpassed by the infamous ET finger light.
In terms of controversial and poorly designed toys, the Dune Sandworm toy truly takes the cake. With its ridiculous design, it’s hard to imagine how it made it to market. It’s only overshadowed in the realm of phallic toys by the much-maligned ET finger light.
