36 Educational Tips From 70s and 80s TV

TV shows have always been filled with bizarre storylines, unusual characters, and moments that defy logic. It made me wonder, what if someone my age had never attended school but instead learned everything from television? Here are some ways they might perceive how the world operates.

The A-Team

36. I discovered that it’s entirely possible to shoot countless bullets and toss thousands of grenades over many years without ever actually hitting or injuring anyone with bullets or shrapnel.

35. I discovered that it’s entirely possible to afford endless ammunition and grenades without having a steady job or charging many of your clients, especially those who are too poor to pay for your mercenary services.

34. I realized that if you’re a villain, locking the A-Team in a garage filled with sheet metal and acetylene torches is always a terrible idea.

33. I found out that you can transform an ordinary cargo van into a non-lethal assault vehicle using just a ceiling fan, some plywood, and a handful of wood screws.

32. I learned that being officially insane doesn’t automatically disqualify you from obtaining a helicopter pilot’s license.

31. I discovered that intimidating, flight-fearing individuals can be easily and repeatedly fooled into consuming drugged milk to get them onto an airplane.

30. I discovered that firearms aren’t the solution, but improvised explosive devices crafted from light bulbs, duct tape, and common household chemicals certainly are.

29. I realized that Richard Dean Anderson might be the only person on the planet who can pull off a mullet and still look effortlessly cool.

28. I learned that advocating for the environment while driving a fuel-thirsty Jeep doesn’t have to be contradictory.

27. I discovered that attractive women wearing short shorts can evoke peculiar feelings in young boys, even as early as age six.

26. I realized that Deputy Enos’ parents must have had it out for him—why else would they name him Enos?

25. I learned that corrupt mayors can amass significant wealth, as demonstrated by Boss Hogg’s endless purchases of police cars over the years.

24. I discovered that Hazzard County manufactures incredibly durable shock absorbers and car frames, but somehow police vehicles never seem to benefit from this technology.

23. I realized that Uncle Jesse must have had numerous brothers, given that Bo, Luke, Daisy, and the temporary replacements for Bo and Luke were all cousins with the last name Duke, yet none were his own children.

22. I learned that Uncle Jesse’s brothers (and their spouses) either had very short lives or were neglectful parents, as none of them ever showed up in Hazzard County.

21. I discovered that making and smuggling moonshine is an excellent, wholesome activity for strengthening family ties.

20. I discovered that it’s perfectly fine for a heterosexual man to wear eyeliner, provided he’s behind the wheel of a talking Trans Am.

19. I learned that if you ever own a vehicle that talks, avoid one with a British accent—it will always come off as patronizing, no matter what it says.

18. I discovered that in the future, bathrooms will become entirely obsolete, as no one seems to need them.

17. I learned that sometime between Captain James T. Kirk’s era and Captain Jean Luc Picard’s, the Klingons underwent a catastrophic event that resulted in their entire species developing pronounced ridges on their noses and foreheads.

16. I realized that attempting to jump over a shark on waterskis, even while sporting a leather jacket, is always a bad idea. It’s not about safety—it’s about sheer absurdity.

15. I discovered that it’s neither creepy nor illegal for a man in his thirties to date multiple high school girls, as long as he can magically start a jukebox with just a snap of his fingers.

14. I learned that Mr. Miyagi’s real first name is Arnold, and before he became a martial arts mentor to a baby-faced 30-year-old still living with his mom, he ran a restaurant and worked as a short-order cook.

13. I realized that a man can successfully combat crime while dressed in dangerously short shorts, flip-flops, and a baseball cap.

12. I discovered that it’s entirely possible to sport a mustache, leave your shirt unbuttoned down to your navel, and flaunt a hairy chest without resembling a faded 70s-era adult film star.

11. I learned that if you’re wealthy enough, you can wear the most hideous sweaters imaginable without anyone daring to make fun of you.

10. I realized that it’s possible for previously unmentioned Huxtable children to suddenly appear several seasons into the show, with no plausible explanation for their absence or any hint of past family conflicts.

9. I discovered that while it’s uncommon, very young sitcom kids can be both funny and adorable without becoming overly saccharine or irritating—though that balance was disrupted when Raven-Symoné joined the cast.

8. I learned that ignoring dangerously high cholesterol and secretly indulging in giant sandwiches and potato chips when your wife isn’t looking can lead to some hilarious situations.

7. I found out what the term 'bastard' means. True story: After hearing it on 'Little House On The Prairie,' I assumed it wasn’t offensive and jokingly called my little brother that at dinner. My mom nearly fainted, then interrogated me about where I’d heard it and explained its meaning. Thanks, Michael Landon, for getting me in trouble while teaching me a lesson!

6. I discovered that it’s best to steer clear of any blonde girl named Nellie, as well as their mothers.

5. I learned that, over time, a 'Half-Pint' can eventually blossom into a 'Gallon Jug.' Giggidy.

4. I realized that it’s possible to spend a decade perched at the end of a bar, consuming endless beers, without ever having to settle your tab. [JFrater requests that anyone who knows the real location of this bar emails him the address.]

3. I discovered that running a bar might be the ideal occupation for someone recovering from alcoholism, as it helps them stay on the path to sobriety.

2. I realized that Woody likely wasn’t as clueless as he appeared; he was probably just high most of the time.

1. I learned that walking away from one of the most beloved, iconic, and critically praised sitcoms in TV history to star in 'Troop Beverly Hills' is far from a wise career decision.

Contributor: Matt