"He Actually Appreciated It" — This Woman Placed Her Boyfriend "On Probation" With Specific Changes Required, And Three Years Later, Their Relationship Thrives

Nadeen, a 30-year-old boutique concierge owner based in San Francisco, moved in with her boyfriend nearly three years ago at the very start of their relationship. Initially, things were far from perfect.

"We moved in together quickly because of the COVID lockdown and soon realized we had different standards of cleanliness at home, especially as we both adjusted to remote work," Nadeen explained to Mytour. "He was the type to let dishes pile up in the sink for days before washing them, while I preferred to clean my plates and utensils immediately after use."

After three months of living together, Nadeen found herself handling the majority of the household chores, which sparked frustration. "Our fights always revolved around me feeling like he wasn’t contributing enough, and he’d argue that if I just waited, he’d eventually take care of things. It felt silly to argue over such matters, but they were crucial because they affected our daily lives. If you can’t coexist harmoniously, how can you sustain a relationship?"

Following a difficult discussion, Nadeen and her boyfriend decided to separate but remained in touch. After some time apart, he contacted her, asking what changes he needed to make to salvage their relationship. This prompted them to draft a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan) for him, aimed at enhancing their living situation and relationship. Nadeen shared the plan on TikTok, where it rapidly gained widespread attention and sparked significant discussion.

In the video, Nadeen shares, "He’s an engineer, and sometimes it’s challenging to communicate with him without using concepts he’s already familiar with. Plus, he actually enjoyed the approach."

Nadeen explained that the PIP included a "shared note outlining daily and weekly tasks he needed to complete, along with specific areas he needed to improve."

The PIP not only proved effective, but Nadeen and her boyfriend continue to utilize a Kanban board (a project management tool commonly used in workplaces) to help him stay organized with household tasks. "It’s the only method that has truly stuck and worked for us."

"We also hold weekly retrospectives where we check in with each other at the end of the week to discuss how things are going, and that’s my favorite part," Nadeen shares in the video.

The PIP strategy for their relationship received mixed reactions in the comments. Many praised Nadeen for finding a solution that works and agreed that such an approach can be genuinely beneficial and impactful:

On the other hand, some people were less enthusiastic:

Addressing the feedback, Nadeen explained, "I believe much of what I shared in the video was misunderstood and likely touched on unresolved emotions for many, which is understandable. Most men disliked it, while most women praised my approach. Several marriage and couples therapists reached out, calling it excellent communication. Some men even felt it could have salvaged their past relationships. The reactions are mixed, but with only 60 seconds in a video, it’s challenging to provide full context."

"Many people questioned why I didn’t receive a PIP from him, and I’m unsure how to respond because it was never about me. Some are upset, thinking I portrayed myself as flawless, but I never claimed that. My goal wasn’t to change him — he wanted to change to make our relationship work. To say I made no adjustments is untrue; I did, but they weren’t things he had to explicitly ask for. When I saw his efforts, I naturally wanted to reciprocate."

The PIP Nadeen and her boyfriend implemented spanned four months, during which gradual improvements strengthened their bond. "Those four months laid the groundwork for our relationship and taught us how to communicate effectively."

Three years after introducing the PIP, Nadeen and her boyfriend are thriving. She shared with Mytour that she posted her story on TikTok to "connect with women who struggle to find loving partners because they often give too much, feel too deeply, or are taken advantage of. I’ve been there. You don’t realize your worth until someone shows you that your needs matter. I’m grateful to have learned this from friends and aunties in happy, successful marriages, but I didn’t grow up with these lessons, and I know many women haven’t either."

When asked for advice for couples facing similar challenges, Nadeen said, "If you’re in a new relationship, take time to evaluate your partner and be clear about your expectations and desires. Avoid mind games—be honest and encourage your partner to do the same. Sometimes, we fall in love too quickly and overlook what we truly need."

She added, "If you’ve been together for a while, have an honest conversation with your partner about the issues and how they impact you and your relationship. If they don’t care, prioritize your well-being and consider leaving. If they truly love and respect you, they’ll be willing to work through things together."

As for those who disagree with her PIP approach: "They’re free to have their opinions, and I never claimed it would work for everyone :)."

Couldn’t agree more! To see more of Nadeen’s content, follow her on TikTok and Instagram.