Buzz
With Christmas rapidly approaching, many find themselves scrambling for last-minute gifts. The urge to purchase a plethora of inexpensive toys, favoring quantity over quality, becomes overwhelming. If you haven't yet bought all of this year's gifts, the pressure to do so intensifies. And should you stumble upon a large collection of budget-friendly vintage toys, you might be tempted to grab them, bringing them home for your children.
Your fragile, vulnerable, and deeply mortal children.
However, you should steer clear of the toys on this list. They might not only pose a deadly risk, but many of them could cause serious harm or lead to significant brain damage. Fortunately, most of these toys are no longer available in stores, but if you do happen to track them down... well, best of luck.
10. Aqua Dots
Aqua Dots might seem like the perfect, harmless gift for your kids. These tiny, soft beads stick together when they come into contact with water. There’s no heat involved, no messy glue, and they’re small enough to be vacuumed up easily if they spill. What could possibly go wrong with giving them to your child?
But as we all know, kids tend to put just about anything in their mouths. Unfortunately, when it comes to Aqua Dots, that can be deadly because when ingested, they turn into GHB, a substance commonly known as the date rape drug.
One child, who swallowed a handful of these beads, suffered a seizure and slipped into a coma. While he eventually woke up, the damage was done—he endured permanent brain injury.
9. Easy Bake Oven
Can anyone explain why on earth we would give a child an oven to play with?
Easy Bake Ovens may be small, and yes, they use a light bulb for heat, but don’t be fooled—they can reach temperatures as high as 350 degrees. That’s hot enough to cook a chicken breast! And let’s not forget the assortment of cakes, cookies, pies, and other tasty treats that come with the Easy Bake Oven mix.
In 2007, Easy Bake Ovens faced not just one, but two recalls in quick succession after several children got their fingers caught in the oven doors, sustaining severe burns. In one case, a child even had part of her finger amputated after the mini oven cooked it to the bone!
8. Hoverboards
The future is here—and it’s burning bright! Well, extremely bright, that is, thanks to all the fires. Hoverboards were once the quintessential symbol of the future, the ultimate technological breakthrough we had all been waiting for.
Unfortunately, the reality didn’t live up to the dream. For one thing, the hoverboards had wheels, which made them more like a Segway without handlebars than the true hoverboard we were promised. And on top of that, these things had a nasty habit of bursting into flames at the most inconvenient times—meaning, really, any time at all.
Why were these hoverboards spontaneously bursting into flames? Well... the truth is, we’re not sure. Some of the reports of fires and melted plastic came from hoverboards that were simply sitting still, doing nothing at all.
On the plus side, this could be an excellent opportunity to set your business on fire for the insurance payout—and manage to do it without getting caught!
7. Sky Dancer Dolls
For a brief moment, every little girl’s ultimate wish was to own a Sky Dancer doll. Think of them as a cross between a Barbie and a Beyblade—these fairy-like figures would soar through the air, spinning wildly with their blade-like wings... right toward your face, where they would then slice and dice you like some bargain-bin ham.
Sky Dancers were enchanting, but dangerously so. They would often zoom straight at your face, cutting into any exposed skin, including eyes, without hesitation.
Not exactly a toy for kids, but perfect for a weapon in a 90s-style battle.
6. CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit
Is there any childhood experience more thrilling than pretending to be a crime scene investigator? You get to outsmart the villain, catching them in their own mistakes. With the CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit, you could take your detective skills to the next level by collecting actual fingerprints to analyze. Finally, you could crack the case of who stole the last cookie from the jar!
Of course, you’d end up with cancer and die because the fingerprint powder contained asbestos. In fact, the powder was made up of about 7% asbestos, which is more than enough to develop mesothelioma (and qualify for financial compensation).
The real mystery here is how this kit managed to pass any safety inspections at all.
5. Roller Skating Barbie
Barbie has had more careers, skills, and hobbies than one could possibly count, but one of her lesser-known pastimes is roller skating. Barbie is said to be so talented at it that she skates at such incredible speeds, she leaves a literal trail of fire behind her.
Making her debut in the 1980s, Roller Skating Barbie was a major success until it was discovered that her skates were literally sparking, potentially igniting anything even slightly flammable—like a candle.
After a few fires and burns, Roller Skating Barbie (along with the matching Ken doll) was pulled from the shelves, discontinued, and never seen again.
4. Gilbert U238 Lab
Remember when I mentioned safety checks for toys earlier? Well, it seems those didn’t exist in the 50s. This little mutant-producing wonder toy somehow ended up in the hands of thousands of kids across the US, despite the fact that it contained three different samples of active uranium ore.
The kit also came with a small laboratory setup for examining the materials and a Geiger counter, in case you wanted to know exactly how much radiation you were absorbing—just enough to turn your skin green and itchy.
3. Gilbert Kastor Kit
These guys again? The last time we encountered them, they were handing out radioactive materials for kids to play with. Let’s see what they’ve got this time!
According to the product description, you simply cast your own little soldier toys and lovingly paint them. Sounds pretty nice, right? So what could possibly go wrong?
Oh right, you were supposed to cast the soldiers out of melted lead. Yes, real, actual, brain-damaging lead—the kind that, well, causes brain damage. Or poisons you, leading to a hospital visit.
This product has been long off the shelves, but it’s still unbelievable that a toy so harmful to your health ever made it onto the market in the first place!
Then again... maybe it all makes sense now.
2. Water Slides
Ah, summer is back! Your baby almost drowned in the pool, but luckily, you were quick enough to pull her out. Phew! Now, to keep the fun rolling, you decide to set up another classic: a Slip-n-Slide, a foolproof favorite to keep the party going.
The kids love it, the parents appreciate that the kids are entertained, and everything seems perfect until your husband decides to act like a fool and joins the Slip-n-Slide fun. Things start off fine, but then he reaches the end of the slide and nearly breaks his neck (not to mention slipping a disk or three) as he’s flung onto the grass from a sudden stop. The extra weight and length of an adult equals more speed, and more speed means a sudden stop can turn deadly in an instant!
Some toys, it seems, are strictly for kids!
1. Aqua Leisure Inflatable Baby Boat
Picture this: it’s a hot summer day, and you’re celebrating your new pool with a party. You’ve got your baby in the pool with you, sitting in her little Baby Boat that you just bought. You glance away for a moment, but then you hear the unmistakable sound of tiny stitches ripping. You quickly turn back, only to see your baby slipping underwater, headed straight for the bottom.
This nightmare became a reality for many parents after Aqua Leisure’s Baby Boat was discovered to have a defect in its seat stitching. The stitching would often rip (as it had a tendency to do), dropping babies straight into the water, where several almost drowned.
