Buzz
Condensing a movie idea into a few words is a daunting task. Hollywood studios are well-known for making decisions to acquire or reject films based on a brief elevator pitch, which must capture the essence of the story in the time it takes for an elevator ride. Executives, pressed for time and difficult to impress, often favor pitches that draw comparisons to successful films.
Especially those that have proven to be highly lucrative.
Certain movies, naturally, defy description in 10 words or fewer.
For some films, though, those 10 words encapsulate the highlight—typically big-budget action flicks where the premise outweighs the storyline, if one exists, and the spectacle of explosions takes precedence over meaningful dialogue.
Some of these movie concepts would have been better off remaining confined to the elevator pitch.
10. Top Gun. With Aliens.
A massive alien mothership takes position in Earth's orbit, deploying enormous vessels that loom over the planet's most densely populated cities. As the countdown to an apocalyptic assault begins, humanity must decide its next move.
Independence Day followed the classic formula of an alien invasion threatening humanity's existence. It had several strengths, including impressive alien spacecraft, insurmountable odds, and a pair of daring pilots. The film even managed to inject some humor into the mix.
What lands it on the list of disappointments, however, is the screenwriter's decision to use an alien action flick as a platform for a patriotic narrative about the true essence of Independence Day. One can't help but sympathize with Bill Pullman, who undoubtedly gave his all despite being handed some truly cringe-worthy dialogue.
Terrible, with an excessive dose of cheesiness.
Released on July 4, 1996, in the U.S., the film appeared to overlook the fact that Independence Day is uniquely American, leaving the rest of the world puzzled. Even American audiences winced as the President, standing on a truck, loudly misquoted poetry to a group of bewildered soldiers before hopping into a fighter jet to battle aliens.
Sure.
9. Earthquake. With A Helicopter. And The Rock.
A massive earthquake strikes San Francisco, and a helicopter pilot must race against the clock to save his family before the city is consumed by fire or swept away by a tsunami.
The 2015 film San Andreas appeared to have all the right ingredients. It featured Dwayne Johnson, boasted a massive CGI budget, and had an incredibly compelling elevator pitch.
However, the movie turned out to be absurd. Johnson plays a helicopter rescue pilot who, upon learning that the San Andreas fault is shifting and will trigger a catastrophic earthquake, abandons his duty, commandeers his helicopter, and leaves countless lives at risk. He then embarks on a reckless mission through the collapsing city, ignoring those in need, to save his wife and daughter.
Less of an action hero and more of an action jerk.
The filmmakers likely assumed that audiences would overlook the weak storyline if the explosions were spectacular enough. The film is undeniably packed with action and impressive effects. Yet, despite their visual appeal, these elements are loosely tied to the so-called plot.
The movie is riddled with countless absurd moments, but Dwayne Johnson surfing a tsunami in a small speedboat arguably takes the crown. Yet, all is seemingly forgiven when, at the brink of despair, the American flag dramatically unfurls on the ruins of the Golden Gate Bridge.
A wide-angle shot reveals that all the other rescue pilots are still diligently performing their duties.
8. Die Hard. On A Plane.
A prison transport aircraft crashes en route to a high-security prison. Onboard are a drug lord, a rapist, a criminal genius, an informant, a diabetic, and One Good Man. When the inmates seize control of the plane, can this hero save the diabetic, shield the snitch, and return to his family alive?
Recall Con Air? The pitch promised everything—an all-star cast, a gripping premise, and a hefty budget. However, things began to unravel when Nicolas Cage was given long hair, which spent much of the film fluttering dramatically in the wind, proving both distracting and unsettling. Then there was his accent—mysterious and hard to place.
Most likely, probably, Southern.
Southern what? It’s anyone’s guess.
And then there was the stuffed bunny.
The film wasn’t a complete failure. Steve Buscemi stood out, and John Malkovich seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. However, the storyline, much like Cage’s accent, was chaotic, and the audience’s suspension of disbelief, already tested by Cage’s hair, was pushed to its limits.
Sure, it’s possible to disguise hijackers as guards and guards as inmates. You might even take control of the plane, land it, and scrawl a message on a corpse before tossing it out. Perhaps, just maybe, that message would remain legible after hurtling through the air at high speed and landing on a truck.
But expecting viewers to believe that after two hours of running, jumping, and killing people while wearing only a tank top, Nicolas Cage still has that ridiculous bunny is asking too much of their patience.
Why didn’t he just return the bunny to the box?
7. Die Hard. In Space.
A meteoroid as large as Texas is on a collision course with Earth. The only hope for humanity lies in a group of reckless oil drillers, whom the military wouldn’t trust with even a potato gun.
In 1998, Armageddon became the highest-grossing film of the year, easily surpassing Deep Impact, which was released around the same time and also featured a massive meteoroid threatening Earth. While Deep Impact focused on scientific accuracy, Armageddon opted to commission Aerosmith to create its theme song.
Deep Impact explored profound narratives about human behavior as the world faced annihilation. Armageddon, on the other hand, prioritized humor. So, does this make Deep Impact a superior film to Armageddon?
No. Both films are terrible.
Armageddon ignored all scientific principles. Despite being repeatedly told that explosions can’t occur in space, the filmmakers continued to blow things up. Bruce Willis essentially reprised his role as John McClane, but in a spacesuit, surrounded by a ragtag crew.
One of the many absurd moments involves Ben Affleck launching his moon buggy over a canyon, nearly drifting into the void of space.
Still, John McClane managed to save the world once more. So, there’s that.
6. Mad Max. On the Ocean.
The polar ice caps have melted, causing sea levels to rise by 25,000 feet—a feat that defies science, as the maximum possible rise is only around 230 feet.
But this is Hollywood, where anything is possible, so who knows?
The remnants of humanity gather on artificial atolls, battling hunger, extreme weather, and pirates. Into their chaotic world arrives The Mariner. He’s not as captivating as Mad Max, and his hand-cranked sailboat is no match for a Ford Falcon XB GT. This aquatic warrior is none other than Kevin Costner—complete with gills.
Waterworld is notorious for two things. First, it caused massive financial losses for the studio, and second, it’s widely regarded as a flop. The director, Kevin Reynolds, even walked away from the project.
The sets are visually impressive, and the action scenes are passable. However, the script was flawed from the beginning, and the weakest aspect of the film is undoubtedly the acting. Kevin Costner is no Mad Max—he’s more like Mad Max’s dull, uninteresting father.
And gills are never attractive.
5. My Fair Lady. With A Crocodile Wrestler. No Songs.
In 1986, it was apparently still acceptable to mock people from other countries, particularly if they spoke with an accent deemed ‘amusing.’
Crocodile Dundee told the story of an American journalist who ventures into the Australian outback to meet a bushman skilled in wrestling crocodiles and communicating with water buffalo. He’s brave, rugged, but mostly uncultured. Played by comedian Paul Hogan, the bushman is brought to New York by the reporter, Linda Kozlowski, so audiences can admire his courage, marvel at his toughness, and laugh at his lack of sophistication.
That’s essentially the entire movie, though, of course, she eventually falls for him, reinforcing the idea that women prefer ‘real men’ and that Hollywood thrives on stereotypes.
4. Escape From Alcatraz. This Time, They’re Breaking In.
While many films focus on escaping Alcatraz, The Rock flips the script by featuring a duo attempting to infiltrate the island undetected.
Why? Oh, just some nonsense about tourists being taken hostage and a nerve gas attack threatening San Francisco.
Typical stuff.
But the plot is irrelevant. What truly matters is the presence of Navy SEALs, Sean Connery as a former SAS captain sporting a particularly bad wig, and Nicolas Cage as an FBI agent with a knack for chemistry. Together, they’re tasked with defusing a nerve gas bomb. Essentially, it’s a group of men running around Alcatraz, pretending to be elite soldiers.
They briefly touch on the issue of fallen soldiers whose families were denied rightful compensation, but no one really pays attention to that. The studio secured permission to film on Alcatraz and seemed so thrilled about it that they overlooked the need to craft a coherent movie with an actual storyline.
3. Snakes. On a Plane.
Sometimes, the elevator pitch encapsulates the entire film—its title, plot, and even the majority of its dialogue.
What’s the movie about? It’s about snakes. On a plane.
Do you really need more details than that?
Oh, you want more? Well, Samuel L. Jackson stars in it. There’s a flimsy plot involving the FBI, a mob informant, and a crate full of deadly snakes.
Getting a gun through airport security is tough, but smuggling a crate of venomous snakes? Apparently, that’s a breeze.
To ensure the snakes don’t snooze during the flight, someone sprays them with a mysterious chemical that turns them hyper-aggressive and even more venomous.
Of course, snakes aren’t great at recognizing faces, so to eliminate the intended target, they end up attacking everyone on board.
Was it any good? Absolutely not. It was terrible. Not even Samuel L. Jackson could salvage it. But the elevator pitch? Pure genius.
2. Planet of the Apes. In The Jungle. On Steroids.
Hidden deep within the Congo rainforest is an ancient city harboring a dark secret. The story also features a power-hungry villain, a group of scientists, a dedicated primatologist, a rare blue diamond, and ferocious talking gorillas that make the Planet of the Apes seem like a casual chimp gathering.
Add to that some fake ancient ruins, an active volcano, a missing son/love interest, a high-tech backpack that translates ape sign language into speech, a corrupt militia, hostile indigenous tribes, aggressive hippos, and the mysterious Eye of Providence.
Don’t even ask.
The plot of Congo was, to put it mildly, absurd.
The frequent mentions of a ‘mythical grey gorilla’ were downright absurd. Contrary to expectations, the grey gorilla wasn’t a silverback but rather an ordinary black gorilla heavily coated in talcum powder.
The film was universally criticized and earned seven Golden Raspberry nominations.
1. Like Mission Impossible. But With Nukes.
When you need a code name for a scenario involving stolen nuclear weapons, something has gone terribly wrong. And that’s just the beginning of the issues.
Broken Arrow features a plot so tangled it’s nearly incomprehensible, but here’s the gist: A hero and a villain are piloting a stealth bomber carrying nuclear warheads. The villain releases the inactive bombs and ejects. A specialized team, known as the Broken Arrow team, is dispatched to recover them, but one member is secretly aiding the villain, who threatens to launch a nuclear attack on America.
The hero, who also ejected from the aircraft, is briefly detained but soon escapes to track down the villain, and then…
Honestly, who cares? Stolen nuclear weapons, endless deception, and hidden identities—except for the hero, of course. The film is packed with crashes, gunfire, and explosions, yet no one seems concerned about the consequences of a nuclear detonation. The entire premise is absurd.
John Travolta plays the villain, while Christian Slater takes on the role of the hero. The movie is filled with twists but lacks a coherent plot. Travolta’s character is so obviously unhinged that it’s unbelievable he’d even be allowed near a plane, much less pilot the world’s most advanced stealth bomber.
