Buzz
Ah, the Star Vehicle for musicians transitioning to acting. Hoping to capitalize on fan loyalty, a skyrocketing reputation, or just a brief moment in the spotlight, industry insiders often persuade musicians to try their hand at acting—all for a quick profit. While some, like David Bowie and Frank Sinatra, make the transition seamlessly, delivering consistently captivating performances, others simply fall flat.
10. Vanilla Ice
Star Vehicle: Cool As Ice
This is perhaps the only film whose title accurately foreshadowed its box office performance. How did this project even get greenlit after the initial pitch? A word of advice, Ice: Not everyone can be Marlon Brando from “The Wild One,” not even James Dean. And he was JAMES FREAKING DEAN. What made you think a white rapper from Plano, TX, stood a chance? Visit the Baskin Robbins where your agent now works and give them a piece of your mind—and maybe yourself too. Fun fact: Ice now dwells in the realm of reality TV, where he’s seen hurling drum kits and chairs at Ron Jeremy. Some say justice is served in mysterious ways.
9. Phil Collins
Star Vehicle: Buster
Phil Collins dominated 80’s radio, whether as the lead singer of Genesis or through his wildly successful solo career. His presence was inescapable. This modest film, starring the amiable and increasingly Charlie Brown-esque Collins, likely represented his quest to conquer new frontiers. However, when Buster earned a mere $540,000, it appeared the public had reached their limit, relegating him to crafting Disney soundtracks for the next decade.
8. RUN-DMC
Star Vehicle: Tougher Than Leather
By 1988, rap music had exploded onto the scene in a massive way, and no one was more prominent at the time than Run-DMC. 'Tougher Than Leather' was intended to complement an album of the same name, following the triple platinum success of 'Raising Hell.' The trio seemed ready to dominate the nation, but the film's flimsy plot and shoestring budget—barely enough for a Happy Meal—halted their momentum. Instead of conquering the world, they became a footnote in rap history, often appearing in black-and-white montages with their music faintly playing in the background. As Leonard Maltin aptly put it, 'Run D Other Way.'
7. Peter Frampton / Bee-Gees
Star Vehicle: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
A Beatles-inspired musical? Hard pass. Wait three decades, swap in Abba, and even then, it’ll only appeal to women over forty and men who are either married or gay. This disaster, complete with a satin jumpsuit even Billy Squier would reject, brought the 'Frampton Comes Alive!' craze to a screeching halt—not just Hollywood dead, but completely Dead Dead. Still, I’m thankful for the damage 'Pepper' inflicted on the Bee Gees, which is why it ranks lower on this list.
6. Mariah Carey
Star Vehicle: Glitter
Glitter was a clear sign of Mariah Carey’s desperation to extend her decade-long career just a bit further. However, the film was such a disaster that Sony opted to buy out her contract rather than risk another album, movie, infomercial, psychic hotline ad, or even a voicemail greeting under their name. It was an expensive way to say goodbye, but 'Glitter' truly was that awful. The fallout led to Carey’s nervous breakdown, and she later encountered fans in therapy who blamed her movie for their own mental struggles.
5. Prince
Star Vehicle: Under the Cherry Moon
While Prince excelled at playing himself in 'Purple Rain,' this 1940s-inspired snooze fest was so poorly received that he restricted his next film appearance to concert footage only (the brilliant 'Sign O’ The Times'). 'Under the Cherry Moon' swept the Golden Raspberry Awards, winning Worst Director (Prince), Worst Supporting Actor (Jerome Benton), Worst Picture, and Worst Actor (Prince). It was also nominated for Worst Screenplay and Worst Supporting Actress (Kristin Scott Thomas). This marked a rare stumble for an artist who otherwise seemed to have the Midas—or rather, purple—touch. Perhaps he was distracted by other pursuits…
4. Susannah Hoffs
Star Vehicle: The Allnighter
Susanna Hoffs, the lead singer of The Bangles, has always been a gifted vocalist and undeniably adorable. I’d still be smitten with her at ninety, even if we were both too old to remember how things work. This movie was meant to catapult her beyond her 'Walk Like An Egyptian' fame, but sitting through it feels like watching paint dry in a stranger’s laundry room—utterly tedious and unremarkable.
3. Elvis Presley
Star Vehicle: Love Me Tender or Any of 30 Other Films
Behold the King’s cinematic legacy, a testament to mediocrity and sheer volume that birthed its own genre. If I mention that Val Kilmer’s 'Top Secret' feels like an Elvis film, you instantly understand. A supremely talented artist overshadowed by his own fame, Elvis ventured into Hollywood on the advice of his manager, Colonel Tom Parker. While financially successful, his reputation only rebounded after the iconic ’68 comeback. Pro tip: Avoid career advice from someone who sounds like they’d serve you from a bucket—before KFC, only pigs ate that way.
2. Madonna
Star Vehicle: Shanghai Surprise
'Desperately Seeking Susan' earned $27 million and showcased Madonna’s undeniable screen presence. However, studios pinned their hopes on 'Shanghai Surprise' for a blockbuster payoff. Instead, the film was universally panned, and a series of flops followed as they tried to milk her fanbase. Madonna eventually found success with 'Evita,' only to repeat her misstep with 'Swept Away,' which earned seven Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Actress.
1. 50 Cent
Star Vehicle: Get Rich or Die Tryin’
This might be the only film whose title feels like a direct threat to its audience: essentially, 'I’ll either strike gold with this movie, or you’ll suffer through it.' Inspired by the success of a skinny Detroit rapper in Hollywood, 50 Cent, a rapper and survivor of multiple gunshot wounds, decided to try his luck. However, while Eminem brought raw emotion and relatability to his biopic, 50 Cent’s persona lacks that vulnerability. The film flopped, failing to recoup its $40 million budget. (P.S. If Fiddy ever reads this, remember, Mytour member 'lawandorder' is to blame. Got it?)
