Buzz
Debuting in 1989, The Simpsons quickly rose to fame and has since become the longest-running sitcom in US television history. Its remarkable longevity is a testament to its brilliantly humorous scripts, which have consistently entertained viewers. Although some fans argue that the show's quality has dipped in recent seasons, there's no denying the wealth of side-splitting quotes it has produced over the years. Below, we highlight twenty of the most unforgettable lines.
3. Quotes 1 – 5
Bart: I don’t want a new dog. I want Santa’s Little Helper! Homer: Crying won’t bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. So, you can either sit here crying and eating cans of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to lure him back, or you can go out and find your dog… Darn, I almost had him convinced to eat dog food.
Groundskeeper Willie: It won’t last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Just like the English and Scots! Or the Welsh and Scots! Or the Japanese and Scots! Or even Scots against other Scots! Those Scots! They’ve ruined Scotland! Principal Skinner: You Scots are certainly a quarrelsome bunch. Willie: And now you’ve made a lifelong enemy!
Mr. Burns: Oh, so now Mother Nature needs a favor?! Maybe she should’ve considered that before hitting us with droughts, floods, and venomous monkeys! She started this survival battle, and now she wants to back out because she’s losing. Well, I say ‘tough luck.’
Grandpa: The metric system is nothing but the devil’s handiwork! My car runs on forty rods to the hogs-head, and that’s exactly how I like it! (For context, that’s about 0.8 meters per liter.)
Homer: Learning to weasel out of things is crucial. It’s what sets us apart from animals… well, except for the weasel, of course.
4. Quotes 16 – 20
Lisa: Is there anything we can eat that wasn’t mercilessly killed? Homer: Well, I suppose the veal just passed away from sheer loneliness.
[A fire breaks out in Principal Skinner’s kitchen] Superintendant Chalmers: Good heavens, what’s going on in there? Principal Skinner: The Aurora Borealis? Superintendant Chalmers: The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this hour? In this region? And it’s all happening in your kitchen? Principal Skinner: That’s correct. Superintendant Chalmers: Can I take a look? Principal Skinner: Absolutely not.
Homer: You’ll need to speak louder—I’m currently wrapped in a towel.
Homer: I’ve got three kids and zero money. Why can’t it be zero kids and three money instead?
Homer: Alcohol—both the root of all life’s troubles and the ultimate remedy for them.
1. Quotes 11 – 15
Sideshow Bob: While your guilty consciences might push you to vote Democratic, deep down, you all crave a Republican president to slash taxes, punish criminals harshly, and reign over you like a monarch!
Homer: Alright, son, on your first day of school, I want to share the wisdom my father gave me. [Recalls Grandpa’s words] Young Grandpa: Homer, you’re as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a stranger offers you a ride, take it! Homer: Thanks for the traumatic childhood, Dad.
Marge: Did you try calling any of your friends? Lisa: Ha! These are my only friends [Holds up books]: intellectual giants like Gore Vidal, and even he’s kissed more boys than I ever will. Marge: Lisa, boys kiss girls, not the other way around.
Rev. Lovejoy: [preaching against the Movementarians] This so-called “new religion” is nothing but a series of bizarre rituals aimed at swindling money from the gullible. Now, let’s recite the Lord’s Prayer 40 times, but first, let’s pass around the collection plate.
Skinner: For the first time ever, our computer lab finally has a computer. [Ralph is seated at the newly installed computer] Ralph: Hi, Lisa! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! [He types “cat,” and the computer responds with a “meow” sound] I’m learn-ding.
2. Quotes 6 – 10
Homer: Kids, you gave it your all and ended up failing spectacularly. The moral of the story? Don’t bother trying.
Homer: I’m not usually one to pray, but if you’re listening up there, save me, Superman.
Homer: Books are pointless! I’ve only read one book, “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and it didn’t teach me a thing about killing mockingbirds! Sure, it told me not to judge someone by their skin color… but how does that help me in real life?
Mr. Burns: I’ll make this quick. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three obstacles you must overcome to thrive in business. When opportunity comes knocking, you don’t want to be rushing to a maternity ward or wasting time in some fake church. [Narrows eyes] Or synagogue.
Kent Brockman: Things aren’t as cheerful as they once were here at the unemployment office. Joblessness isn’t just for philosophy majors anymore. Even capable people are starting to feel the pressure.
