Buzz
Eating out and drinking at restaurants can be a costly experience, and as a customer, you deserve a pleasant one. However, being entitled to a good experience doesn’t mean you have the right to be rude. Returning food or drinks without a valid reason is the least impressive way to assert yourself, and nothing is more off-putting than someone trying to assert dominance by being disrespectful to waitstaff, bartenders, or anyone working in the service industry.
That said, there are situations where returning or exchanging food and drinks is completely acceptable. As long as you do so politely, your helpful waitstaff will be more than willing to assist.
Foreign Objects Are Reason Enough
The most obvious and justifiable reason for sending food back is safety. Eric Wood, the owner and chef at Ranch Pizza, advises you to notify the staff about anything that might pose a physical risk (even if that risk is just feeling nauseous). “I don’t usually return food if there’s a hair in it, which is probably the most common issue, but I’m too polite, and it’s absolutely acceptable to send food back [if there’s a hair]. Even in the cleanest kitchens, things like that can happen, and while it probably won’t cause harm, it can still be off-putting. Customers are within their rights to alert the restaurant about such problems, especially if there are cleanliness issues to address. Items like glass, steel wool, or twist ties should be reported, as they could cause harm. If I were the one who cooked the dish, I’d understand. Also, if you’ve communicated an allergy but the kitchen overlooks or forgets it, sending the dish back is perfectly reasonable. As for undercooking or overcooking, it depends. I only return food if it presents a health risk, such as undercooked chicken. Not the ‘slightly pink near the bone’ kind, but rather the ‘cold center of the breast’ kind.”
When it comes to wine, cork bits are the most obvious issue, but there are other, subtler flaws that may justify sending back a glass or bottle. Ian Ferrier of Enoteca Nostrana explains, “There are moments when sending wine back is appropriate. The most obvious problems include a corked bottle—contaminated by a bacteria known as TCA, which gives it a moldy, cardboard-like smell—or an oxidized bottle, where the cork has failed and the wine has reacted with oxygen. This is different from wines that are intentionally oxidized, such as sherry or Vin Jaune.”
Personal preference is not a valid reason for sending it back
Just because you don't enjoy something doesn't mean it's bad or even poorly made. “Be mature and stand by your choices,” says Wood. Not every dish will cater to your personal taste, and it's normal to encounter items that don’t match your palate. “If a customer ever had an issue like this, I’d likely offer a refund or remake the dish, simply to be kind, but I wouldn’t do this as a customer. I understand that in rare cases, like if a huge mistake happened in the kitchen, such as accidentally adding too much salt to your soup, I might send it back then.”
The same principle applies to wine and cocktails. Ferrier notes that “it’s generally not acceptable to return wine that you’ve asked about and agreed was as described. Ask yourself: Do you really dislike this wine? Have you spent some time with it, considering its flavors? Did you pair it with food? Some wines might not be great on their own, or they may seem unfamiliar at first, but you might begin to enjoy them as they open. If you’re ordering a bottle, it’s a bit more rigid. Restaurants understand there’s some loss when they open wine by the glass, and they price it accordingly. If you don’t enjoy a glass of wine, it’s fine to ask for a replacement. But with a bottle, it’s different since the restaurant expects a sale similar to retail. You ordered the wine, it’s yours, it’s sold.” However, if the wine tastes nothing like what you ordered, you have a legitimate reason to send it back. “Another valid reason for returning a bottle is if it’s drastically different from the description provided by the staff—such as being told it’s an oxidative Jura wine but receiving a fresh wine instead. If you just don’t like the wine, that’s not a reason to send it back. The restaurant may take it back to make you feel better, but that’s not the proper approach.”
Choose your words carefully, and be aware that you might not know as much as you think you do
A little polite communication can make a big difference. Leverage the knowledge of the staff and remember that your expectations may be shaped by your understanding of the subject, which may not be complete. “If the wine isn’t faulty, think about whether you even asked about it,” says Ferrier. “Wines aren’t all alike. Chardonnay has many variations, you can create a light wine from Cabernet Sauvignon, and even make red wine from Pinot Gris grapes. If you spoke with the staff about a wine by the glass and it doesn’t match their description, feel free to send it back. If you didn’t inquire, ask the staff for more details and enjoy learning something new.”
When sending back cocktails or food, be thoughtful. First, take in your surroundings. If you’re paying a premium for an upscale steak dinner, you deserve your steak cooked to perfection. But sending back a steak at a casual diner like Denny’s may seem excessive. You can order a martini at a dive bar, but be prepared for what comes with it. “Are you sure you’re in a place that cares about what they serve? Not all bars do, and that’s fine. But don’t order a Sidecar at a dive bar and be upset when it doesn’t meet your standards,” says Daniel Casto, bar manager at Double Dragon. “Look around, and order in a way that fits the environment. If you're in a place that values quality, they’ll happily go the extra mile to ensure you enjoy your drink.”
“If you’ve figured out that you’re in a place that genuinely cares about the quality of their drinks, the bartender will definitely want you to enjoy what you ordered,” Casto explains. “Did you understand what you were ordering? And if you were unsure, did you engage with the bartender to ensure you were choosing wisely? Or did you just say something like, ‘Whatever’s good!’ or ‘What’s your favorite drink?’ Those responses don’t help, and any skilled bartender will try to guide you by asking, ‘Do you want something shaken and light, or stirred and strong?’ or ‘Do you have any favorite spirits or flavors?’ If you don’t answer those questions and still want something different, you could always just order a beer.” Also, remember that cocktails are all about balance, so altering or skipping ingredients can ruin the drink. “We get many requests for margaritas with no sweetener,” says Darren Polak, bartender at Double Dragon. “That’s just tequila and lime, and it’s not going to taste good.” Demanding a special order and then sending it back is not acceptable, especially after being warned.”
But what should you actually say?
“Simply be polite,” advises Wood. “’Excuse me, I’m sorry, but I found a small piece of plastic wrap in my sandwich, and I’m concerned there may be more—pause, and the server will typically offer to resolve the issue. If not, you can ask, ‘Could I please get a fresh one made?’”
“If I were in your shoes,” Casto says, “I’d simply ask to swap the drink while my original one, which I didn’t like, is still in front of me. A good bartender will notice that your drink is mostly untouched, and will ask what’s wrong, offering to exchange it. No, you can’t keep the original drink, and no, you can’t give it to your friend. Yes, you still need to tip for the first drink, and it’s a good idea to leave a bit more to show appreciation for the extra service. Also, never claim that your drink was made wrong. Not every drink suits every palate, and as a customer, you don’t know if the drink is ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ This is true even for drinks you’ve ordered before, as management may change things and tweak recipes, or ingredient availability may force substitutions.”
Your server is not your adversary. As Jeffrey Morgenthaler, bar manager of Clyde Common and Pepé le Moko, explains, service professionals “want you to be satisfied with your order, and you should enjoy what you’re paying for. However, the experience has been influenced by many who’ve taken advantage of the system. So please, work with us to help you get what you want, and if things don’t go as planned, we’ll make sure to get you something else. We’re not trying to scam you or take advantage. I promise.”
