Buzz
In this new edition of 'Hack or Wack,' we’re exploring a viral tweet from a resident of St. Louis.
In the tweet, Krautmann claims to have introduced his colleagues to this 'St. Louis secret' — ordering bagels sliced into sections like a loaf of bread.
Well, perhaps this 'secret' should remain just that.
For those who champion all things good and right, this method creates slices of uneven sizes, almost entirely ruins the delight of the bagel’s chewy outer crust, and leads to tiny, sad crostinis that could just as easily come from any bread-like food.
Meanwhile, this disastrous 'hack' has practically torn—should I say sliced—our office apart. Some (misguided) Mytour staff members argue that this idea isn’t a complete nightmare, suggesting that it creates smaller, more manageable portions that toast quickly and are easier to share.
However, others have pointed out that these smaller portions might lead to overindulgence. You could easily consume 12 bagel/crostini/atrocities before realizing that amounts to the equivalent of two full bagels. (In my humble opinion, I can’t fathom how anyone could eat even one of these without their body rejecting it on principle.)
This is without a doubt the worst bagel take since Cynthia Nixon’s lox-on-a-cinnamon-raisin-bagel scandal, which I’m fairly certain cost her the election.
It’s also worth noting that the sad bagels in the picture are from Panera Bread, which adds another layer of unfortunate irony to this tale. The billionaire owners of Panera (along with Einstein Bagels and Krispy Kreme) recently found themselves in the spotlight for addressing the company’s Nazi past.
Of course, no group or religion owns the bagel, and people can do whatever they like with their baked goods. But as a New Yorker who went to a high school with a daily mid-morning 'bagel break,' I find this concept offensive. The fact that it strips away the texture that makes a bagel appealing is offensive. The fact that it comes from St. Louis is offensive. The fact that they ordered bagels from Panera is offensive. The fact that the person at Panera said, 'You want us to put bagels in the bread slicer? Okey dokey!' is offensive. This is the equivalent of having a scoop of Temp Tee cream cheese thrown in your face, an egg cream poured over your head, and hot pastrami spilled all over the linoleum.
This, my friends, is utterly ridiculous.
