Buzz
Understanding Modern Dating Terminology
In the realm of contemporary dating, ghosting has become an all-too-familiar occurrence. While many are aware of what ghosting entails, terms like zombieing, breadcrumbing, and haunting might still be unclear. If you're struggling to keep up with these evolving concepts, don't worry—we're here to help. This guide delves into the various forms of ghosting, explores the reasons behind it, and offers practical advice on how to deal with someone who ghosts. For a comprehensive understanding of modern dating dynamics, continue reading.
Key Insights to Keep in Mind
- Soft ghosting, also known as slow fading, occurs when someone gradually reduces their responses to your messages.
- Breadcrumbing involves sending sporadic messages to keep you interested without any intention of advancing the relationship.
- Haunting happens when someone who previously ghosted you reappears and attempts to rekindle communication.
Actionable Steps
Understanding Ghosting Terminology
Traditional Ghosting Traditional ghosting occurs when someone abruptly stops replying to your messages or cuts off all communication. This can happen mid-conversation or after plans have been made. Rather than offering an explanation or a polite rejection, they disappear entirely, leaving you without closure.
- Ghosting often occurs in the initial phases of a relationship, such as after a few dates. However, it can also happen later, even in established relationships.
Subtle Ghosting Subtle ghosting, also known as the slow fade, involves a gradual decline in communication that eventually leads to complete silence. Someone who subtly ghosts might take longer to reply, stop starting conversations, or simply react to your messages without engaging. Over time, their responses dwindle until they stop altogether.
- This approach is often used by individuals who feel guilty about outright ghosting. Despite its softer nature, it can still cause emotional pain and confusion.
- This method is sometimes called “Caspering,” a more considerate form of ghosting.
Breadcrumbing Breadcrumbing involves giving someone just enough attention to keep them interested, but not enough to foster a genuine connection. A breadcrumber might send occasional texts or interact with your social media posts sporadically, reigniting your interest without any intention of pursuing a real relationship.
- The term “breadcrumbing” is inspired by the fairytale Hansel and Gretel. Much like the breadcrumbs in the story, these interactions lead nowhere meaningful.
Haunting Haunting is what happens after ghosting. If someone who previously ghosted you suddenly reappears in your life, they’re haunting you. This often involves subtle actions like liking your social media posts or reacting to your stories, usually when you’ve moved on.
- Unlike breadcrumbing, haunting is less deliberate. The person won’t directly message you or ask to meet up; instead, they linger in the background, occasionally reminding you of their presence.
Zombieing Zombieing resembles haunting but occurs much later after being ghosted. A zombie might reappear after months or even years, sending a casual text or reacting to your Instagram story. They may attempt to justify their absence or claim they’ve changed, but their intentions are often transparent.
Orbiting Orbiting occurs when someone continuously monitors your social media activity without directly engaging with you. They’ll watch your Instagram stories, like your posts, and remain on your friends list indefinitely, keeping tabs on your life without any intention of reconnecting.
- The motives behind orbiting remain unclear—perhaps it’s curiosity or lingering guilt from their previous ghosting behavior.
Submarining Submarining happens when someone who ghosted you suddenly reappears, acting as though nothing happened. They’ll send a casual message or text, completely ignoring their previous disappearance, as if your relationship is perfectly normal.
- The term “submarining” comes from the idea of resurfacing without warning, much like a submarine.
Benching Benching is akin to being kept on the sidelines in a sports game. The person doesn’t want to end things entirely but keeps you as a backup while exploring other romantic options. They’ll give you just enough attention to keep you interested but not enough to fulfill your emotional needs.
- When someone benches you, they’re likely pursuing or communicating with other potential partners.
Cushioning Cushioning is similar to benching but more overt. Someone who cushions you will openly flirt or interact with others, often in your presence, to push you toward ending the relationship. Their behavior fluctuates between warmth and detachment, creating confusion and frustration.
- Cushioning often involves mixed signals, with the person being affectionate one moment and distant the next.
Marleying Named after Jacob Marley, the ghost from A Christmas Carol, Marleying occurs when someone reappears during the holiday season to find a temporary companion for Christmas. However, once the New Year begins, they typically revert to their ghosting behavior.
What Drives People to Ghost?
Fear of Confrontation Many individuals ghost because they dread difficult conversations and want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Rather than expressing their true reasons for ending things, they choose to disappear, sidestepping the emotional effort required for an honest discussion.
- What ghosters often fail to understand is that ghosting can be equally, if not more, painful than a straightforward rejection.
Seeking an Easy Exit In casual relationships or after a few dates, ghosting can seem like a simple way to signal disinterest. When the stakes are low, a ghoster may opt for this approach because it requires minimal effort and allows them to move on without explanation.
Pursuing Another Relationship Sometimes, people ghost because they’ve found someone else they’re more interested in. In today’s dating landscape, it’s common for individuals to date multiple people simultaneously. If they form a stronger connection with someone else, they may abruptly cut ties with you to focus on the new relationship.
- This is particularly common when the relationship hasn’t been clearly defined.
They were upset or bothered by something you said. While less frequent, some people ghost because they feel offended by your actions or words. Perhaps you made an inappropriate joke or shared a viewpoint they disagreed with. Rather than addressing the issue, they find it easier to disappear without explanation.
How to Handle Ghosting
Move forward if the relationship wasn’t serious. Being ghosted reflects more on the other person’s character than yours. If the connection wasn’t deep or long-term, it’s best to focus on finding someone who values and respects your presence in their life.
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
How do you usually deal with being ghosted?
152 total votes
This feature is coming soon! Thanks for your interest.
Thank you for participating in our poll!
Start QuizExplore More Quizzes
Send one last message if you’ve been dating for over a month. If the relationship was significant or heading in that direction, consider reaching out one final time. Express that ghosting is unacceptable and, while you may not want to continue the relationship, you deserve closure.
- “Hi, I’m not sure what happened or why you stopped communicating, but I’d appreciate some clarity. I believe we had enough of a connection to discuss why things didn’t work out.”
Unfriend and block them if they reappear. If you’re experiencing haunting, zombieing, or submarining, don’t be swayed by their claims of change. Ghosters often repeat their behavior, and their return is likely self-serving. Send a final message if you wish to express your feelings, then cut ties. Consider responses like:
- “Sorry, who is this? New number.”
- “Since you’re clearly not interested, I’ll make it easier by blocking you.”
- “I understand feelings change, but you could have handled this maturely.”
