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Give your brother a taste of his own medicine with these clever retorts
Want to roast your brother in a lighthearted, fun way? We’ve got everything you need! This article features the ultimate list of insults, burns, and quick one-liners perfect for teasing your brother—no matter if he's the older or younger one. Plus, we’ll share some tips for a playful roast that keeps things friendly and entertaining.
Steps
“You might be the oldest, but wisdom isn’t your strong suit.”
Show your older brother who’s boss with a snappy one-liner. If you're aiming to roast with a sense of humor and affection, make fun of his age in a playful way. It’s the perfect opportunity to have a good laugh and strengthen your sibling bond.
- “You were born first, but guess who’s still got the height advantage?”
- “It took mom and dad two tries before they got it right.”
- “You know that saying ‘aging like fine wine’? Yeah, well, you’ve aged more like milk left in the sun.”
- “Wow, you must be so proud! What did you achieve in the first 18 years? Oh, wait...”
“You’re the reason I’m never having kids.”
Let your younger brother know who’s in charge with a savage retort. Want to get under your younger brother’s skin? Remind him that you’ll always have the upper hand in terms of age, intelligence, and wisdom. Just make sure to keep it light and fun to respect his boundaries—after all, you're not his parent, so don't go overboard with control!
- “I remember the day you were born, and now I look like the younger one!”
- “When you came into the world, I was thrilled. Now, it’s just disappointment after disappointment.”
- “Have you ever noticed how big Mom and Dad’s smiles were before you showed up?”
- “I’m the reason you exist, and you’re the reason Mom and Dad stopped having kids.”
“I’m the star. You’re just the backup.”
Give your brother a hard time by claiming you're the superior twin. Whether you're the older or younger twin, there’s no shortage of playful jabs to throw. Make sure to remind him that he’s just the “extra,” point out his shortcomings, or bring up who was born first to drive home the point.
- “I’m the upgraded version of you.”
- “I was so brilliant that Mom had me duplicated.”
- “How does it feel to be the disappointing second edition?”
- “I must be the thinner one since you took all my nutrients in the womb!”
- “You must’ve been the leftovers.”
“What’s it like to get destroyed every time?”
Take your roasting skills to the next level by poking fun at your brother’s looks. If your brother’s got the good looks, these sarcastic one-liners will add some humor without crossing the line. A light-hearted jab about his appearance is the perfect way to roast him without making it personal.
- “If ugly was a season, you’d be winter all year long.”
- “Don’t you need a permit to be that hideous?”
- “The only one who thinks you’re good-looking is a person who can’t see.”
- “I’d give you a dirty look, but it looks like you already got one.”
“You look like you should be on a ‘before’ advertisement.”
Compare his appearance to something random for maximum laughs. Start a hilarious roast battle by comparing your brother’s looks to something random, like an object, food, or a character. Keep throwing out wild and wacky ideas for an unpredictable, fun exchange—the weirder, the better!
- “You look like a mashed potato disaster.”
- “You look like a glitchy Sim character.”
- “You look like the clock from Beauty and the Beast.”
- “You’re a cross between Christopher Robin and Christopher Walken.”
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Start QuizExplore More Quizzes“You’re the kind of person who’d reply to spam emails.”
Burn your brother with the “you’re the type of person…” meme. Search social media for some inspiration, or get creative and come up with your own funny one-liner. Highlight your brother’s harmless quirks or funny habits to deliver a roast that’s savage but lighthearted.
- “You’re the type of person who trips over a cordless phone.”
- “You’re the type of person who says ‘mimimimi’ in your sleep.”
- “You’re the type of person who measures how much you sleep with a ruler.”
- “You’re the type of person who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.”
“I used to believe in evolution, but then I met you.”
Tease your brother for his lack of smart choices. If your brother isn't the sharpest, use these lines to have some fun at his expense. They’re better suited for an older brother, but if he’s younger, proceed with caution! Just be sure to deliver the joke with a friendly tone so he knows it's all in good fun.
- “You must be allergic to common sense.”
- “You’re the reason they put directions on toothpaste tubes.”
- “You’re so forgetful, you’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your neck.”
- “I’d say you’re as dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open.”
“Must be nice to never have to use your brain.”
Throw in a burn about his grades for a sting that hits hard. Mentioning school can easily ruffle your brother’s feathers. Try a line that’ll get him thinking about his academic performance! These work best if you’re both academically inclined, but be careful if school’s not his strong suit.
- “If you had two brains, you’d still be twice as dumb.”
- “Don’t worry about me. Worry about your grades.”
- “Keep rolling your eyes; maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
- “Your GPA is barely holding on to a 2.0, so don’t talk to me.”
“If you’re scared of success, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
Make a bold statement about your brother’s future (or lack thereof) to really roast him. Want to turn up the heat? Use these savage lines to poke fun at his future prospects. These lines touch on a more serious subject, so keep them for older brothers or those who can take a little heat. Just make sure you keep it lighthearted!
- “Congrats on earning your PhD in being annoying.”
- “Whoever told you to ‘be yourself’ clearly didn’t have the best advice.”
- “I’m not sure how far you’ll get in life, but if you do, I hope you stay there.”
- “You can be anything you want in life… except talented, attractive, or successful.”
“Have a nice day… somewhere far away.”
Set the boundary for some personal space with these savage comebacks. Is your brother hanging around too much or being especially annoying? Let him know you need some alone time with these playful lines! Deliver them with a wink or a laugh so he knows you’re just joking—and maybe add a “still love you bro” at the end.
- “How about I give you a dollar if you leave?”
- “Please, go exist somewhere else.”
- “You bring me so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a perfect day.”
“Do you have an off switch?”
Drop one of these clever lines if your brother won’t stop talking. If your brother’s running his mouth nonstop and interrupting everything, hit him with a funny line to tell him to be quiet. These are perfect for older siblings who can take a joke, but make sure to deliver it with a friendly tone to show you’re just messing around.
- “It’d be nice if you used glue instead of chapstick.”
- “This is an A & B conversation. Please C your way out.”
- “Let’s play a game. For the next week, don’t talk to me. 3, 2, 1, START!”
- “Sorry, did my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
“You’re a one-man freak show.”
Remind your brother that he's the oddball of the family. Want to roast your brother in a way that’s both savage and hilarious? Tell him he must have come from the circus, the zoo, or even another planet. It’s the ultimate way to highlight his quirks. Just be sure to deliver it with a friendly smile to keep things lighthearted.
- “I’d slap you, but that would count as animal cruelty.”
- “Even a clown looks normal compared to you.”
- “I’ve met people like you before… I had to pay to see them.”
- “You must be a magician. How else did you escape the circus?”
“Want to hear a great joke? Your life.”
Perfect your roasting game with this killer one-liner. This one’s a total knockout. Save it for those moments when you’re locked in an intense roast battle or during a heated argument. Your brother will be left speechless, and he’ll probably never forget it.
- “You skipped the ‘normal’ gene.”
- “You’re living proof that God has a sense of humor.”
- “I’d roast you, but nature already did the job.”
- “I was going to joke about your life, but looks like life beat me to it.”
“You’re so ugly, even Hello Kitty said goodbye.”
Kick off the ultimate roast battle with this timeless insult. The “you’re so ugly…” line has stood the test of time for a reason—it's savage, humorous, and perfect for starting a playful battle with your brother. Take turns delivering these classic lines, and let the hilarity begin:
- “You’re so ugly, even a Happy Meal would feel sorry for you.”
- “You’re so ugly, farmers use your picture to scare off crows.”
- “You’re so ugly, when Mom gave birth to you, she got a fine for littering.”
- “You’re so ugly, they turn off the security cameras when you walk into a bank.”
“How have you managed to keep friends?”
Drop this savage line to shut down the conversation. Mentioning your brother’s friend or relationship status is the ultimate way to roast him—just make sure he isn’t feeling sensitive about it. If he’s actually quite sociable, this line will land perfectly, but avoid it if he’s more introverted or a bit insecure.
- “No wonder no one wants to be your friend.”
- “I bet your friends all secretly laugh at you behind your back.”
- “If we weren’t related, I’d never be seen with you in public.”
- “How does your girlfriend deal with you? Oh, wait—you don’t have one.”
“Oh right, the world revolves around you. My mistake!”
Point out your brother’s dramatic behavior in a lighthearted way. If your brother is known for being self-centered or always seeking attention, hit him with these funny one-liners. They’re perfect for calling him out while keeping things fun.
- “Don’t you get tired of talking about yourself all the time?”
- “Thanks for listening to me, and then turning it into a story about you. Really thoughtful of you.”
- “Funny, I just came back from the center of the universe, but I didn’t see you there.”
- “There’s a new app called ‘Being a Decent Human.’ Maybe you should download it. You know, just for research.”
“Found your nose! It was in my business.”
Tell your brother to stop being so nosy. If your brother can’t seem to mind his own business and always chimes in with unsolicited advice, hit him with one of these lines to put him in his place. These will let him know he’s stepping over the line, but keep it lighthearted by adding some emojis if texting. You don’t want him thinking you’re actually mad.
- “Did I ask for your opinion? Oh wait, I didn’t.”
- “Sorry my life is more exciting than yours.”
- “Maybe focus on getting a life instead of obsessing over mine😉”
- “You’re so nosy, why not just work for the CIA?”
“Are you just here to annoy people?”
Ask a brutal question to let him know he’s getting under your skin. On those days when your sibling just gets on your nerves, these lines are perfect for expressing your frustration with a little humor. If your brother is younger, though, these might be a bit too harsh, so save them for later.
- “Are you professionally annoying?”
- “Do you exist just to bug everyone?”
- “Is it your life’s mission to irritate me?”
- “Do you enjoy making people despise you?”
“Hope you step on a Lego, by accident.”
Throw in a surprising comeback to catch him off guard. In the middle of a heated roast battle? Use one of these bizarre and humorous lines to break the ice and make your brother laugh. They’re totally nonsensical and will help you bond with your sibling, creating some truly hilarious moments.
- “Why don’t you fall into a black hole or something?”
- “Row, row, row your boat... straight off a cliff.”
- “How about a shark gives you a kiss on the neck?”
- “I think you deserve a high five… in the face… with a chair.”
“You’re as pointless as the ‘g’ in ‘lasagna.’”
Pull out these sharp burns if you’re feeling savage. Ready to be brutal? Drop these savage lines to leave your brother speechless. They’re perfect for cutting any argument short and making your sibling rethink their existence. But be cautious—these are sharp comebacks.
- “Even Bob Ross would call you a mistake.”
- “I wish I could sell you, but you have no value.”
- “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
- “God may love you, but everyone else thinks you’re useless.”
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As a general rule, focus on harmless quirks or habits that your brother chooses to do, instead of sensitive topics. Avoid touching on things that are out of his control, such as his appearance, weight, relationships, income, or personal traumas—unless you're super close.
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If you have multiple siblings, make sure to spread the love. Teasing one sibling excessively can make them feel left out, so roast everyone in the family to keep things fair.
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Keep your comebacks lighthearted and playful to avoid crossing any boundaries. A smile, wink, or a casual pat on the shoulder can reassure him that you're just joking. And feel free to throw in a “just kidding” if needed.
