Buzz
By the time your fourth date arrives, you might be feeling a little anxious. The first three dates were all about getting to know each other, but now it’s time to assess if you can envision a future together. It might feel like a lot of pressure, but don’t worry. With a few simple tips in mind, you can ease your nerves and have a fantastic time. In this article, we’ll share everything you need to know to make your 4th date memorable for both of you.
Steps
Tailor the date to your partner’s passions.
By now, you’ve probably picked up on what your date enjoys doing for fun. If there’s a shared interest between you two that could make for an enjoyable date, suggest it as a way of showing that you care about their preferences. Sharing an activity you both enjoy can help build a connection and set the tone for future dates.
- Is your date passionate about cooking? Consider signing up for a cooking class together.
- Is your date a food enthusiast? Make plans to check out a trendy new brunch spot.
- Does your date love thrilling rides? Grab tickets to a theme park and enjoy the adventure together.
Engage in an active experience together.
Engaging in a physical activity can strengthen the bond between you two. On your first few dates, you may have stuck to the traditional dinner and drinks combo, which is always a classic! Now that you’re feeling more at ease with each other, try something more active, like a scenic nature walk or a hike. Activities like these will help you gauge how well you connect and get along outside the usual dinner setting.
- Consider visiting an arboretum, going bowling, or enjoying a round of mini golf. These types of activities create lasting memories that you and your date can cherish.
- Just be sure to avoid a “Netflix and chill” situation. Even though it’s your 4th date, make the effort to take your date out and create an enjoyable experience.
Spend a few hours enjoying each other’s company.
Your 4th date should allow for plenty of time together, given how comfortable you’ve become with each other. Why not choose an activity that takes most of the day, like a road trip to the beach or a hike followed by a cozy dinner? The key is to dedicate enough time to let yourselves truly connect and bond.
- Feel free to plan out an itinerary, but stay flexible. If you come across a fun detour or unexpected adventure along the way, embrace the spontaneity and enjoy the moment.
Relax and be your true self around them.
By the 4th date, it’s time to show your authentic self. You’ve moved beyond the initial awkward “getting to know you” phase, and you’re likely feeling more comfortable. There’s no need to put on an act or try to impress them anymore. Let your true personality shine, and this will allow both of you to evaluate if you’re genuinely compatible.
- Chances are, your date will feel the same, and from now on, you can both be your real selves around each other.
Ask more meaningful questions.
It’s time to move beyond simple questions and get into the deeper conversation. Ask your date about their childhood, their upbringing, and who their close friends are. Now is the moment to learn more about your date on a deeper level—find out who they really are.
- “Are you close with your family?”
- “Which of your friends do you spend the most time with?”
- “How did you end up in [your city]?”
Share a little more about yourself.
Your date is likely eager to know more about you, too. The 4th date is the time to reveal more intimate details of your life. You don’t need to overshare all at once, but you can start talking about things that are typically reserved for close friends.
- You could share insights about your upbringing, your family, or your career aspirations.
Talk about your long-term goals.
See if you and your date share similar life goals. The 4th date is an ideal time to determine if you truly see a future together. Discuss with your date where they imagine living or working, and what their plans are regarding children and marriage.
- “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
- “Do you plan on staying in this area?”
- “Do you want kids one day?”
Check if your lifestyles align.
Ask your date about their typical weekly routine. If you’re someone who’s always on the go, you may want a partner who shares that same energy. If you’re an avid traveler, dating a homebody might not be the best fit. Discuss your hobbies and how you spend your free time, and be honest about it—this way, you’ll avoid misleading your date.
- “What’s your favorite way to relax?”
- “What do you do on weekends?”
- “How often do you like to travel?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 269 Mytour readers and 52% of them said that their favorite date conversation starters are questions about hobbies and interests. [Take Poll]
Bring up exes if the topic comes up naturally.
By the 4th date, it’s natural to talk about past relationships. Discussing your exes can help you gauge how your date handles topics like rejection or breakups. If it feels right, you can mention your last relationship and what caused it to end, just to get to know your date better.
- “You’re such a cool person. Who would let you get away?”
- “I’m curious: how long was your last relationship?”
Clarify the nature of your relationship.
By the 4th date, things usually start to get more serious. This is a good time to start discussing exclusivity, although there's no need to make any major decisions yet. You can casually bring up whether you're seeing other people or not.
- “Are you seeing anyone else right now? Because I’m not.”
- “Just wanted to let you know that I deleted my Tinder last night.”
Feel free to get physical if you're comfortable.
There’s no set rule for when you should become physically intimate. If you and your date are having a great time and haven’t yet taken that step, it’s okay to test the waters by inviting them back to your place. Keep in mind that not everyone feels ready for intimacy after the 4th date, and it’s okay if you’re not either. You don’t have to rush into it.
- If you want to ask them over, you can say something like, “I had a really great time today. Want to come back to my place for a drink?”
- If they turn you down, don’t take it personally. Many people prefer to wait until they're in a committed relationship before taking that step with their partner.
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What kind of activity would you prefer for your 4th date?
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