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Gain a thorough insight into aromanticism and discover potential indicators that you might identify as aromantic.
Interested in learning about the various identities that fall under the aromantic spectrum and how they differ? We’re here to provide detailed explanations, clear definitions, and practical examples to help you grasp each identity. Suspect you might be aromantic? We’ll outline the key signs and address all your questions. Looking for ways to support an aromantic friend or family member? We’ve got you covered as well. Let’s get started.
Key Points to Understand
- You might identify as aromantic if you experience minimal or no romantic attraction toward others, lack a desire for romantic relationships, or rarely (if ever) develop crushes.
- Demiromantic is one sub-identity on the aromantic spectrum, referring to individuals who typically only feel romantic attraction after forming a deep emotional connection with someone.
- Grayromantic is another sub-identity, describing those who experience romantic attraction infrequently or only under particular conditions, such as with close friends.
Steps to Explore
Understanding Aromanticism
An aromantic individual typically experiences minimal or no romantic attraction toward others. The term “aromantic,” often abbreviated as “aro,” serves as an umbrella term for those who rarely feel romantic attraction or only do so in particular situations. This label covers the entire aromantic spectrum, which includes a variety of sub-identities.
- The counterpart to aromantic is alloromantic, referring to individuals who do experience romantic attraction.
- If you suspect you might be aromantic, consider taking the “Am I Aromantic” Mytour quiz to determine where you fit on this spectrum.
Exploring Sub-Identities Within the Aromantic Spectrum
Grayromantic A grayromantic, or gray aromantic, is someone who experiences romantic attraction infrequently or with limited intensity. This term also applies to those who only feel romantic attraction under very specific conditions.
- For instance, an amicusromantic individual typically only feels romantic attraction toward friends or those they share a platonic bond with.
- An apresromantic person usually only develops romantic feelings after experiencing another form of attraction, such as aesthetic, sensual, or sexual attraction.
Demiromantic A demiromantic person generally only experiences romantic attraction after forming a deep emotional connection with someone. This can vary widely; for example, a demiromantic might only begin to feel romantic attraction for their partner after several years together or following a significant shared experience.
Frayromantic A frayromantic individual typically experiences romantic attraction only with people they don’t know well or are unfamiliar with. In some cases, these feelings may fade as they become more acquainted with the person.
- Frayromantic is often seen as the opposite of demiromantic.
Cupioromantic A cupioromantic person usually doesn’t experience romantic attraction but still desires to be in a romantic relationship. Their interest in a relationship may stem from factors like passion, intimacy, or exclusivity rather than romantic feelings.
Bellusromantic Bellusromantics typically don’t feel romantic attraction but enjoy engaging in romantic activities. They might appreciate cuddling, going on fun outings, or having sexual experiences. However, they generally don’t seek a romantic relationship, only the gestures associated with romance.
- Bellusromantics differ from cupioromantics in their lack of desire for a romantic relationship.
- While cupioromantics want a romantic relationship without feeling romantic attraction, bellusromantics usually have no interest in being in one.
Lithromantic A lithromantic person is the opposite of a cupioromantic. This term refers to someone who experiences romantic attraction but doesn’t want those feelings to be reciprocated or to engage in a romantic relationship.
Aroflux The term aroflux can describe two scenarios. First, it refers to someone whose identity shifts along the aromantic spectrum, such as identifying as demiromantic at one time and cupioromantic at another. Second, it describes someone who alternates between being aromantic and alloromantic, meaning they fluctuate between experiencing and not experiencing romantic attraction.
Aegoromantic An aegoromantic individual enjoys the concept of romance but typically avoids participating in romantic activities. This sub-identity is also known as autochorisromantic. For instance, an aegoromantic person might love reading romantic stories but feel uneasy about being in romantic situations themselves.
Apothiromantic/Antiromantic These terms describe someone who experiences no romantic attraction whatsoever. Often, they may feel repelled by the idea of romance or romantic relationships.
Recipromantic A recipromantic person usually only develops romantic feelings if the other person expresses romantic interest first. They tend to reciprocate feelings rather than initiate them. For example, they might only start liking someone after learning the other person has a crush on them.
Quoiromantic Also referred to as WTFromantic, this sub-identity describes someone who struggles to distinguish between romantic attraction, romantic orientation, and the difference between romantic and platonic feelings. These individuals often feel confused or frustrated when trying to identify their emotions.
- Romantic attraction involves a desire for a romantic relationship with someone.
- Romantic orientation refers to a person’s pattern of romantic attraction based on gender, such as biromantic (attraction to multiple genders), heteroromantic (attraction to the opposite gender), or homoromantic (attraction to the same gender).
- Platonic attraction is a desire for a close, non-romantic, and non-sexual friendship.
Indicators You Might Be Aromantic
You don’t experience romantic attraction. While you might find someone attractive or think they’re kind, you don’t feel any urge to pursue a romantic connection with them. Instead, you might see them as someone who’d make a great friend.
- You might experience other forms of attraction besides romantic. For example:
- Aesthetic attraction involves admiring someone’s appearance without wanting a romantic relationship. You might think they’re beautiful but have no romantic interest.
- Sensual attraction is a desire for physical closeness, like holding hands or hugging, without romantic or sexual intentions.
- Sexual attraction refers to wanting a sexual connection with someone without romantic involvement.
You don’t feel the need for a romantic relationship. Close friendships and family bonds might be all you need to feel fulfilled. Even if your friends are in romantic relationships, you might feel no desire to pursue one yourself and are content with the strong connections you already have.
- You might have been in a romantic relationship before but felt like you were just acting to please your partner.
- Instead of romance, you might prefer a queerplatonic relationship, which is a deep, non-romantic bond that goes beyond traditional friendship.
You may have never had a “crush.” When others talked about crushes, you might have felt confused about what that meant. If asked about your crush, you might have chosen someone randomly or only felt crushes on celebrities or fictional characters, knowing they couldn’t lead to real relationships.
You don’t connect with romantic stories. Romantic plots in movies, books, or shows might bore or even repel you. Alternatively, you might enjoy fictional romance but have no interest in experiencing it in your own life.
Flirting feels unfamiliar to you. You might not notice when someone is flirting with you or understand what flirting is supposed to look like. You might even have been accused of flirting when you thought you were just being friendly.
Common Misconceptions About Aromantics
Aromantics don’t lack the ability to love. Not experiencing romantic attraction doesn’t mean an aromantic person can’t love others. They can deeply care for friends, family, and even partners, though their love may not be rooted in romantic feelings.
- Similarly, being aromantic doesn’t equate to emotional unavailability. Aromantic individuals can be empathetic and considerate of others’ emotions, even if they aren’t romantically inclined.
Aromantics can still desire relationships. While some aromantics may not seek romantic relationships, others might. For instance, a cupioromantic person may not feel romantic attraction but could still want a romantic relationship for its passion and exclusivity.
- Some aromantics may prefer platonic relationships, while others might seek queerplatonic relationships (QPRs).
Not all aromantics dislike romance. The absence of romantic attraction doesn’t mean aromantics are opposed to romance. Some may be comfortable with romantic gestures or activities, even if they don’t experience romantic feelings. Aromantics generally fall into three categories regarding romance:
- Romance-favorable: Those who may engage in romantic activities or seek romantic relationships despite not feeling romantic attraction.
- Romance-neutral: Those who are indifferent to romantic gestures or activities, neither seeking nor avoiding them.
- Romance-repulsed: Those who feel discomfort or disgust toward romantic gestures or media centered on romance.
Aromantics can enjoy physical intimacy. An aromantic person may still appreciate physical closeness, such as cuddling, kissing, or holding hands. They might also enjoy sexual intimacy, as they can experience sensual or sexual attraction without romantic feelings.
Aromanticism vs. Asexuality
Aromantics experience little to no romantic attraction, while asexuals feel little to no sexual attraction. The distinction lies in the type of attraction: romantic versus sexual. An aromantic person may still feel sexual attraction, and an asexual individual might still experience romantic feelings.
- An aromantic asexual, or “aroace,” feels minimal or no romantic or sexual attraction toward others.
- There are various combinations of romantic and sexual orientations. For instance, an aromantic heterosexual might lack romantic attraction but feel sexual attraction to the opposite gender.
- Another example is a demiromantic bisexual, who is sexually attracted to multiple genders but only feels romantic attraction after forming a deep emotional bond.
- The aromantic and asexual communities share similar terms for sub-identities. For example, graysexual, demisexual, and fraysexual describe sexual attraction in the same way their romantic counterparts describe romantic attraction.
How to Support an Aromantic Individual
Respect their identity. If someone shares that they’re aromantic, thank them for trusting you and express your support. Avoid questioning their feelings or certainty—simply believe them and embrace their identity.
Educate yourself about aromanticism and its spectrum. Reading this article is an excellent start! To better understand their experiences, take the time to learn about aromanticism and its sub-identities.
- For instance, aromanticism.org offers valuable resources, including definitions, explanations, and advice for allies supporting aromantic friends or family.
- Check out this guide from the Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy (AUREA) to learn how to be an effective ally.
Engage with aromantics’ stories and experiences. If the person is open to discussing their journey as an aromantic, listen attentively and without judgment. This can help you unlearn any unconscious biases or stereotypes and discover ways to better support the aromantic community.
- Participate in online forums and aromantic communities to hear diverse perspectives. For example, explore Mytour's "I think I'm aromantic" forum.
- Visit platforms like arocalypse.com, a forum for aromantics, their partners, or those curious about aromanticism. Browse its threads to deepen your understanding.
Challenge ignorance when you encounter it. A key aspect of being an ally is addressing dismissive or uninformed comments about aromantics. When this happens, calmly correct the person and share accurate information. Aromantics often feel exhausted from constantly explaining their identity, so stepping in can ease that burden.
- If the situation escalates or feels unsafe, it’s best to disengage.
