Buzz
Discover the real significance behind that hug from your crush
Hugs can be full of mixed signals! If you’ve just received a hug and are wondering what it really meant, we've got you covered. We reached out to relationship and romance professionals to get their insights on how to tell whether that hug was romantic or just friendly (and some of their tips might surprise you!). Keep reading to decode the message behind that embrace and figure out what’s next.
How to Recognize a Romantic Hug
If the hug feels quick and light, it’s likely a casual or friendly gesture. However, if the person pulls you close, wraps their arms around your waist, presses their body against yours, or lingers in the hug for an extended period, it’s a strong sign that the hug is more romantic in nature.
Steps
Physical proximity
The firmer the hug, the stronger the affection they have for you. A tight hug could signal either friendly warmth or romantic interest, so don’t make your judgment based solely on the pressure. The only exception is if the hug feels completely limp or loose, which usually suggests a more neutral feeling instead of romance.
- Think about how much distance there was between your bodies. Did they press close? If so, there’s a good chance they might have romantic feelings for you. If they positioned their hips or pelvis against you, it's a pretty clear indicator they are into you.
- A loose or stiff hug contrasts with a gentle, tender embrace. A soft, warm hug often signals friendship or affection.
Arm positioning
Did they use one arm or both to embrace you? A single arm around the neck or shoulders tends to be more of a platonic, friendly hug. If they use both arms around your neck, consider how tightly they hugged and what parts of your body were in contact. If their arms went around your upper body and under your armpits, it's more likely a friendly gesture.
- On the flip side, if they wrap both arms around your waist and pull you in closer, it’s a strong sign of romantic attraction.
Hand placement
Generally, the lower the hands, the stronger the attraction. If their arms wrap around your waist and their hands rest on your lower back, this could be a romantic hug—especially if they pull you closer. It’s trickier to read if their hands are on your upper back, as friends tend to do that too.
- If they touch your butt or gently play with your hair, chances are they’re attracted to you! Dating expert Cher Gopman notes that “a little bit of hair touching…is a sign of flirting.”
- Soft touches on your “hands, back, or any part of your body” can also be signs that the person may want something more, adds matchmaker Laura Bilotta.
Body orientation
Is the hug face-to-face, around-the-shoulders, or from behind? Hugs from behind are typically romantic. A hug from behind signals a close, trusting connection between two people. If you’ve experienced this, you’re likely already quite close with that person, and romantic feelings may be at play.
- If they sidled up to you and threw an arm around your waist, this is usually a “buddy hug.” While sweet, this doesn’t always suggest romantic attraction—though those feelings could still be present!
- A face-to-face hug with your torsos pressed together is more ambiguous. It’s the most typical hug, so it might just be a polite, friendly embrace. However, this kind of physical closeness could also hint at romance, so take into account the other signs to decode the hug’s meaning.
Nonverbal cues
Was their body tense or did they relax into you? A stiff, rigid hug is usually a sign of neutral feelings. If the hug felt awkward or if they seemed uncomfortable, it might mean they’re not a fan of hugging, or they felt compelled to do it because everyone else was.
- But if the person relaxed and held you tightly, it’s a strong indication they have romantic feelings for you. They may have even leaned in closer before or after the hug.
Physical contact between body parts
If only your upper bodies touch, the hug is likely neutral. A hug where only your upper bodies or chests make contact is usually friendly. However, if your chest and pelvis align, there's likely some sexual tension involved!
- If they give you a close, front-facing hug and gently press their cheek against yours, it’s trickier to interpret. The cheek press often suggests closeness, but it might just be a friendly gesture, especially if you haven't seen each other in a while.
Hand gestures
Gentle back rubs are more affectionate, while pats are more neutral. It's not always easy to judge hand movements, but a quick back pat is typically reserved for friends. In contrast, slow, circular motions or soft caresses on your back are often signs of romantic or sexual interest.
- Frequent back-patting usually indicates they're comforting you or feel sympathy for you. It generally doesn’t point to romantic attraction.
Gaze and smile
Extended eye contact and a big smile often signal interest. If your hugging partner locks eyes with you for a while before or after the hug, they could be signaling a desire for something more than just friendship. As Gopman suggests, “strong eye contact and being fully present in the moment are clear signs of flirting.”
- Flirtatious eyes, “slightly wider than usual, almost giving an excited look,” are another indication of romantic attraction, notes Bilotta.
- Additionally, a broad smile either before or after a hug can show how much they care. While you can't definitively determine romantic affection just by smiling, the wider the smile, the more thrilled they are to see you.
- If the smile lingers long after the hug, it's a strong sign they feel affection for you, though it could be either friendly or romantic.
- Minimal or no eye contact likely means there are no romantic feelings, but it might also indicate they’re shy or nervous because they have a crush on you!
Duration and timing
The longer the hug lasts, the stronger the potential for romantic feelings. Pay attention to the timing as well. A brief hug is typically platonic, as friends often share quick embraces when greeting or saying goodbye. However, if you’re hanging out and someone hugs you, even briefly, it’s usually more meaningful and could indicate romantic interest.
- Typically, friends hug as a greeting or farewell, so these types of hugs aren’t generally romantic.
- But if the hug lingers for more than a few seconds and the person doesn’t loosen their grip, it’s a stronger sign they might have romantic feelings.
Reason for the hug
Hugs during special occasions are often a sign of platonic affection. Whether the event is happy, like a graduation, or sad, like a funeral, friends often embrace during these times. A good indicator is to look around and see if everyone else is hugging at the event. If they are, don’t assume the person you hugged has romantic feelings for you.
Frequency of interaction
Have you recently shared a hug with this person? If you hugged them just yesterday, it's more likely that they have feelings for you. However, if it’s been a while since you last saw them, it can be harder to interpret. A friend might give you a big, friendly bear hug if they’ve missed you after a long time apart.
What they say
What they say before, during, or after the hug can provide insights into their intentions. If they say something affectionate, it can give more clarity on whether the hug is romantic or platonic. For example, closing a hug with “Nice seeing you” usually feels more like a friendly hug, while saying “That hug was amazing” (a phrase recommended by dating coach John Keegan) is a clear sign of romantic interest.
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Hugging romantically while dating or in a relationship has its benefits. An intimate hug can strengthen your connection, as physical proximity can sync your heartbeats, breathing, and nervous systems.
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Hugging your partner can also be a form of non-sexual touch, showing that you value one another beyond just physical intimacy.
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Don't jump to conclusions about the meaning of a hug if you're unsure. Body language isn’t an exact science! People have varying levels of comfort with touch, and different individuals express affection through different types of hugs. If you're really unsure and want to know? Just ask them if they see you in a romantic way.
