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If you’ve been part of the dating scene for a while, you might find yourself frustrated with the immaturity of people your age. Turning your attention to an older man could seem like a logical next step, but it’s crucial to carefully evaluate the pros and cons before entering into an age gap relationship. Take a moment to review these advantages and disadvantages of dating an older man to make the decision that’s best for you and your love life.
Steps to Consider
Benefit: They tend to be more mature.
Men of your age might not have as much life experience. If you often find yourself wondering why your dates are more interested in partying than serious conversations, dating an older man might be the solution. If you’re frequently told that you have an ‘old soul,’ you may find a lot of common ground with someone older.
- Just remember, this isn’t always the case. Even older men can sometimes act immature.
Con: They may be overly possessive.
Older men might have concerns about your loyalty. This is particularly the case if you still enjoy going out to bars and clubs with friends your age. If he tends to be jealous, his possessiveness could create tension in your relationship.
- Jealousy can appear at any stage of life. If your partner is trying to control where you go, who you talk to, and when you can go out, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
Pro: They are often financially secure.
He’s had plenty of time to build his career and save money. While men your age may still be working at entry-level jobs or focusing on their studies, older men are more likely to have accumulated savings. Typically, they can offer more financial stability than younger men.
- This stereotype doesn't always hold true. Older men can be in debt too, and age doesn’t automatically mean wealth.
Con: They may not want to go out as much.
Older men have already outgrown their party years. If you're someone who loves staying out late into the night, he may not always be on the same page. This could lead to frustration if he regularly cancels plans or prefers to stay in and watch TV instead.
- Additionally, your preferences for night out spots might differ. If you enjoy the club scene while he prefers intimate dinners by candlelight, this could create a challenge.
Pro: They usually have more experience in the bedroom.
They’ve had plenty of time to figure out what they enjoy sexually. Older men typically know exactly what they like in bed (and may even understand what you prefer). While men your age are still discovering their preferences, an older man has had enough time to experiment and understand what works and what doesn't.
- However, he may not be as willing to explore new things with you. Older men can sometimes get stuck in their routines and be less adventurous in the bedroom.
Con: He may come with emotional baggage.
If he’s been through a marriage, there’s likely an ex in the mix (and possibly children). You could encounter his ex at family gatherings or during child pick-ups. Your partner may also be financially responsible for child support or have joint custody of his kids. These are factors you need to consider when thinking about dating someone older.
- Even if they had a difficult divorce, his ex won’t always be hostile towards you—but it’s a possibility.
EXPERT ADVICE
John Keegan
Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert
Looking on the positive side: he could possess significant emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is something that grows over time, which an older man, especially one with some life experience, is likely to have in abundance.
Pro: They’re typically more open to commitment.
Older men often have a clear idea of what they want. You’re less likely to encounter the typical “what are we” question—an older man will tell you upfront if he wants to get serious. If that’s what you’re looking for, dating someone older could be a great match for you.
- However, be cautious, as he may push you to take steps you’re not ready for yet (like marriage). If you’re not ready to make a commitment, it might not be the right relationship for you.
Con: You might face judgment from others.
Your loved ones may have their opinions about your relationship. If things are getting serious and you’re introducing him to your friends and family, be prepared for some possible criticism about the age gap. People tend to be protective and often have reservations about large age differences in relationships.
- You can ease their concerns by sharing the deep connection you have and showing them that it’s a loving, respectful bond.
- Curious about what others think of age gaps in relationships? Check out Mytour’s forum on “What's considered a big age gap in relationships?”
Pro: He’s likely to get along well with your parents.
If he’s closer to their age, they’ll probably find plenty to talk about. The first time you introduce them might feel a bit awkward, but once they start talking, they’ll likely get along just fine. If you’re reaching the point where you want to bring him home to meet the parents, it’s a good idea to give your mom and dad a heads-up about his age beforehand.
Con: You may not share a lot of common interests.
The age difference could lead to differences in interests. For example, he might enjoy watching classic films from the 70s, while you’re into reality shows. Or maybe you prefer outdoor adventures, while he enjoys relaxing indoors. Since relationships thrive on shared hobbies and passions, it's important to find activities you both enjoy together.
- That said, differences can be a positive thing—it’s a chance for you both to introduce each other to new things.
- If you share strong values, that can be more important than knowing all the same cultural references, so don’t let this discourage you if you truly care about each other.
Pro: He probably has a steady career.
No more career indecision for him. Once he’s passed his 20s, chances are he’s found a career path and stuck with it. Unless he's going through a mid-life crisis, he likely has his professional life figured out.
- That said, some older men might still struggle to settle into a career, but they’re the exception, not the rule.
Con: Your life goals might not align.
You may be in the early stages of your life while he’s contemplating retirement. If your dream is to travel the globe or further your career, while his desire is to retreat to a peaceful, remote place in the woods, your relationship might face challenges. Having an honest conversation about your long-term aspirations is crucial to ensure that you’re both heading in the same direction.
- For instance, he might be ready to settle down and start a family, while you might still have a strong desire to socialize and party.
Join the Conversation...
I’m a 23-year-old woman dating a 32-year-old man, and I've received some negative comments from people claiming this age difference is too large. This has made me question: What do you all think constitutes a "too large" age gap? Also, what advice do you have for ensuring that our relationship lasts despite the age gap and the opinions of others?
Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Men often prefer to date younger women due to their attraction to youthfulness. Younger women also tend to come with less baggage, something that older men typically don’t enjoy. As long as you both have communication styles that align and share common values, interests, and life goals, there’s no issue with dating someone slightly older.
Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Certified Professional Matchmaker
An age gap of nine years is generally regarded as acceptable. However, when the difference reaches 10 years or more, the relationship dynamics can shift significantly. A parent/child-like power dynamic might emerge, or a lack of shared interests could lead to a desire to spend more time with peers of the same age.
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Continue the DiscussionDiscover how to attract and date an older man through this expert guide
1
12 Key Considerations Before Entering a Relationship with an Older Man
2
Consider Dating an Older Man
3
Managing the Age Gap in Your Relationship
4. 13 Reasons Why Older Men Are Drawn to Younger Women
5. Why Am I Drawn to Older Men?
6. Tips for Capturing the Attention of an Older Man
- If you're under 18, it's against the law to date an older man. Wait until you're of legal age to start dating someone older.
The advice shared here comes from the personal experiences of Mytour readers, just like you. If you have a valuable tip to offer, feel free to submit it on Mytour.
- 1. Take a step back. Remove your rose-tinted glasses. List the pros and cons, as the cons are unlikely to change. If the relationship makes you smile more than it makes you frown, then enjoy your journey together!
2. Baggage isn't necessarily negative; both older and younger partners can come with it. The key is whether they've worked through it, and that's what truly matters.
