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Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is marked by an excessive need for admiration and an inflated sense of self-worth. Given these traits, can someone with narcissistic tendencies truly become interested in another person, much less pursue them? Interestingly, you can leverage their self-centered nature to your benefit—though a healthier option might be to distance yourself and move forward. If you're set on capturing their attention, here’s a psychology-backed guide to making someone with narcissistic traits chase you. Remember, displaying narcissistic behavior doesn’t necessarily mean they have NPD—only a qualified psychologist can diagnose that.
Steps
Praise them generously.
Compliments have a universal appeal, particularly for those with inflated egos. Kick off your interactions with a few admiring remarks—highlight their career accomplishments, praise their fashion sense, or express admiration for their social skills (anything related to their status or success works wonders). When you provide the validation they seek, they’ll naturally gravitate toward you.
- Ensure your compliments are sincere. While some narcissistic individuals may have notable achievements, excessive flattery could amplify their negative traits.
- Shower them with praise early on, then gradually reduce it. This shift can make them strive harder to regain your attention and approval.
- Be cautious, though—this tactic can seem manipulative. While it might work to attract a self-centered person, it’s not ideal for building a healthy, lasting relationship.
Engage in attentive listening.
Ensure they feel like the focal point during conversations. They enjoy sharing ideas and using others to validate their thoughts and emotions. Show engagement by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and occasionally rephrasing their words to demonstrate active listening. This will make them eager to keep talking to you repeatedly.
- Summarize their points and acknowledge them in some way.
- Avoid interrupting—those with narcissistic traits often prefer to dominate conversations. If you wish to contribute, wait for a natural break or transition.
- If you disagree, maintain a polite demeanor. If something truly upsets you, consider whether it’s worth addressing later.
Display your self-assurance.
Let your confidence radiate without concern for their opinion. If this individual exhibits narcissistic behaviors like superiority or a constant need for praise, they likely harbor deep insecurities and envy confident individuals. They may desire your self-assurance and emotional intelligence but lack the means to achieve it, driving them to pursue you intensely.
- Narcissistic individuals are often drawn to genuinely confident people and will pursue them persistently.
- Project confidence through eye contact, strong posture, and showcasing meaningful relationships with friends and family.
Highlight your unique abilities.
Showcase talents that the other person lacks. Identify areas where they fall short—perhaps they’re not athletic, have a limited social circle, or struggle in the kitchen. Share your achievements in these domains—your college football career, extensive network, or culinary skills—to make them desire your presence.
- This approach is less effective if you highlight strengths in areas they already feel confident in, as they may view you as competition rather than an asset.
Dress to match their ideal image.
They likely place a high value on appearances. This personality type often prioritizes their public image and seeks a partner who enhances it. Sometimes, this means being the attractive companion who turns heads, while other times, it involves dressing like a polished professional or stylish innovator—whatever aligns with their self-perception. By embodying their ideal, you’ll capture their attention.
- They may see your appearance as a reflection of their status. If your style complements their image, they’ll see you as a valuable asset.
- Even if they’re drawn to your looks, they might criticize your appearance to undermine your confidence. These remarks often stem from their own insecurities, so don’t let them affect you!
Show genuine interest in their hobbies.
Engage them by asking about their passions and favorite subjects. Flatter them and make them feel like they’re delivering a TED Talk (something they’d adore). Display enthusiasm for their words—as long as you’re their attentive audience, they’ll want to stay close to you.
- To balance the conversation, steer it toward a topic you’re also passionate about. They can talk endlessly when they’re excited.
- If they lose interest, be ready to switch topics to keep them engaged.
Seek their guidance.
Asking for their advice can capture their interest and make you more likable to them. They might find joy in offering guidance as it boosts their sense of importance and expertise. They’ll feel assured enough to provide advice on any subject, even if they lack knowledge about it.
- Inquire about trivial matters such as, “Which sparkling water brand should I get for the picnic?” or “Which city park is best for walking my dog?” If you don’t follow their suggestions, it won’t be a major issue.
- They might feel slighted if you disregard their advice, as they often wish to be viewed as a rescuer. Consider seeking their input on a problem where they could genuinely offer useful insights.
Direct your focus towards others.
Offer some discreet, flirtatious attention to someone else. A person who thrives on being your sole focus may quickly become envious. Observing your interest in others might spur them to strive harder to capture your admiration.
- This strategy might fail if your flirtation with the other person is too overt. Both parties might realize your intentions if you’re too obvious.
- While stirring jealousy might appear amusing and benign, think carefully about whether this is the right approach to gain their attention.
- It might be wiser to nurture other connections and explore dating new individuals. This could provoke jealousy but also offers you a broader view of your romantic landscape and the chance to consider other options.
Adopt a hard-to-get attitude.
Limit your availability. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies might overwhelm you with affection when they perceive you as a challenge. This tactic, known as “love bombing,” is used to create the illusion of a deep, loving relationship before revealing their true nature. They might inundate you with affectionate texts, lavish gifts, and grand gestures to charm you. Maintain the “love bombing” phase by creating some space:
- Schedule time with friends and family and decline their invitations by citing prior engagements.
- Engage in flirtation but then abruptly show disinterest.
- Display confidence while keeping your emotions in check.
Create some space between you and them.
Certain individuals may contact you excessively when they sense they’re being ignored. They often seek to provoke an emotional reaction from you, and when unsuccessful, they might flood you with messages in an attempt to regain your attention. Implement the “no contact” strategy by delaying your responses to their calls, texts, or DMs for a few days. The less you engage, the more they might crave your presence.
- The messages they send may not always be pleasant. Depending on their personality, they might shower you with flattery and enticing remarks, or they could resort to condescension and criticism to grab your attention.
Adapt to the situation.
Aim to be adaptable and accommodate their lifestyle. Individuals displaying narcissistic tendencies often prefer rigidity and having things their way. They might be drawn to those who are highly flexible and unbothered by minor issues. When planning activities or collaborating, align with their schedule, preferences, and requirements to demonstrate how effortlessly you fit into their life. Once they notice your willingness to comply, they’ll be more inclined to keep you close.
- However, continuously compromising can become exhausting if you’re building a relationship with them. To ensure the long-term stability of your connection, establish boundaries once you’re in a committed relationship.
Show empathy toward their flaws.
Employ positive reinforcement and demonstrate empathy. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies are less likely to engage with someone who directly confronts their toxic behaviors. Instead, they may prefer partners who idealize them. Rather than highlighting their flaws, aim to support them by acknowledging and praising their positive attributes.
- Steer clear of direct criticism or blame, as it could provoke defensiveness.
- For instance, instead of pointing out their aggressive outbursts, calmly observe, “You seem to be acting aggressively right now.”
- Some individuals are attracted to forgiving partners who avoid holding grudges or challenging them.
- Keep in mind that someone diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) by a professional may be grappling with a mental health condition. While this doesn’t excuse poor behavior, it’s essential to acknowledge the difficulties they may be facing and attempting to address.
Warnings
- Someone with narcissistic traits might go to great lengths to win you over once they’ve set their sights on you—whether through romantic gestures, manipulation, or persistent pursuit. Be ready for challenging interactions as you navigate flirtation or a relationship.
- It’s often believed that individuals with NPD don’t experience love in the same way as others. While a lack of empathy is a common symptom, these traits can be managed through psychotherapy and/or medication.
- That said, not everyone with narcissistic traits or NPD is abusive or toxic. This misconception contributes to the stigma surrounding this mental health condition.
