Buzz
As the warning signs start to emerge, you might begin questioning if the person you're involved with is a lost cause. In this article, we'll explore every key issue you need to be aware of. However, keep in mind that labels like 'deadbeat' can be a bit too extreme. It’s often more useful to evaluate whether the person is right for you, rather than whether they fulfill a certain checklist. Keep reading to find out what potential red flags to watch out for.
Steps
They struggle with controlling their anger.
People who lack self-control often erupt when they’re angry. If you’re seeing someone like this, they might lash out at you when upset. You could notice them belittling you over small disagreements or blowing minor issues out of proportion into full-blown arguments.
- A person who lacks emotional control might throw tantrums if things don’t go their way. If they explode over not getting exactly what they want, they’re probably not someone you should keep around.
- A healthy partner may still get angry, but they’ll express it respectfully and thoughtfully. There’s a world of difference between, “I’m upset about something you said last night, can we talk about it?” and, “You were such a jerk last night. I can’t believe you.”
They’re unmotivated.
Deadbeats are infamous for lacking initiative. Ever ask your partner to do something simple, like the dishes, and they can't even get off the couch? A little tiredness now and then is understandable, but if they're constantly struggling to meet even the most basic expectations, you might be dating someone who’s not pulling their weight.
- Laziness can also manifest emotionally. If they never check in to see how your day went, or you’re always the one reaching out first, that’s a red flag.
- A person without motivation won’t prepare for things in advance, often procrastinating until the last moment.
They’re overly dependent.
Deadbeats tend to be possessive and hard to get rid of. If your partner isn’t doing much with their own life, they may attach themselves to you to fill the void. They might even stick to you like glue because they fear losing someone they feel is better than them. Whether it's insecurity or just a lack of other interests, a deadbeat won’t leave you alone.
- People who aren’t deadbeats usually have enough of their own life to not be constantly available.
- If they text you back immediately and drop everything to hang out, they might be excessively clingy.
- A deadbeat might even rush to say “I love you” far too soon, which is a clear sign of clinginess.
- Don’t confuse initial infatuation with clinginess. If your relationship is new, their clinginess may simply be a reflection of strong feelings for you.
They’re careless with money.
If they go into debt for something frivolous, beware. Deadbeats tend to shirk personal responsibility, especially when it comes to handling money. If they have a job, savings, and can control their spending, you likely won’t have too much to worry about.
- Deadbeats lack impulse control with their finances. If they make thoughtless purchases without considering the consequences, that’s a red flag.
- If they ask to borrow money from you, it’s a strong indication that something’s not right and they may not be a suitable partner.
- It’s not uncommon for people to spend a little too much, so if money management is the only issue, they may just need to learn how to handle their finances better.
They’re disrespectful to strangers.
Deadbeats are too self-centered to consider the feelings of strangers. How your partner treats those they don’t know can reveal a lot about their character. Most people have the empathy and manners to treat others with respect, but a deadbeat only cares about themselves. This is a major red flag and a sign that your partner may not be worth your time.
- Notice how they treat waitstaff, valet attendants, and retail workers. If they’re rude or dismissive for no apparent reason, they’re likely a deadbeat.
- If a stranger asks them for directions or help and they ignore them completely, that’s something to keep in mind.
They have no clear vision for the future.
Deadbeats usually lack the drive to plan for what's ahead. Their laziness and lack of ambition often make it hard for them to focus on the future. If your partner is eager about furthering their education, seeking a promotion, or investing in their personal growth, that’s a good sign.
- If they get defensive or angry when you ask about their goals for work, school, or any passions they may have, that’s a troubling sign.
They cancel on you frequently.
If they’re constantly canceling plans at the last minute, it’s a red flag. Deadbeats often lack a strong sense of responsibility, which reflects in their approach to commitments. If your partner has trouble showing up to dates or meetings with any regularity, it’s something to be concerned about.
- Notice the reasons behind their cancellations. A reasonable excuse, like “My dog is sick,” is understandable, but “I’m tired” or “I just don’t feel like it” is not.
- They might also show little interest or reluctance toward activities or trips you want to take together.
They forget important dates.
Deadbeats usually lack the organization to keep track of important appointments. If they’ve missed a special event, fallen asleep when they were supposed to call, or completely forgotten your birthday, there’s a good chance they aren’t the one for you. Their forgetfulness often stems from a mix of selfishness and laziness. A reliable partner should remember key moments and be there when needed.
- They might seem completely caught off guard when you ask them about events or dates you’ve reminded them of multiple times.
- Deadbeats also often fail to offer a decent excuse. If they miss important events frequently and their excuses are weak, that’s a big red flag.
They’re always shifting blame.
If they refuse to take responsibility, that’s a major red flag. Most people can admit when they’ve made a mistake and acknowledge their wrongdoings. But if you’re dating someone who has never said, “I’m sorry,” “I apologize,” or “I messed up,” this is troubling. Everyone slips up now and then, and that’s perfectly fine, but if they always pin the blame on others, they’re likely not a great partner.
- They might come up with bizarre and outlandish excuses, claiming that others are “out to get them” whenever things don’t go their way.
- That being said, it’s perfectly normal for them to vent to you occasionally about people who annoy them, but it shouldn’t be their go-to explanation for everything.
They’re emotionally distant.
Losers often lack the self-awareness to open up emotionally. Facing the truth is difficult when you know you're not reaching your potential. Consequently, many individuals avoid confronting their emotions altogether. This avoidance can make it hard to form a true emotional connection with them, and they may struggle to express deeper feelings.
- If your partner can openly discuss their emotions and handle complicated or uncomfortable feelings, it’s a sign they are comfortable with who they are. This is a strong indicator that they’re not a loser.
They constantly bad-mouth their exes.
Respectful individuals focus on their current relationship. It’s one thing to occasionally mention an ex, but a decent partner should be focusing on the relationship at hand, not dwelling on past ones. If they repeatedly bring up their exes and criticize them without you even asking, it’s probably time to move on and find someone better.
- Unless their previous relationship was deeply hurtful, a good partner should either have no strong feelings about their ex, or speak of them politely when asked.
Your friends and family aren’t fond of them.
If everyone close to you is expressing concern, it’s worth considering. Your friends and family genuinely want the best for you and have an outsider’s perspective on your relationship. If there’s a common sentiment that your partner isn’t the right fit, it’s important to take their concerns seriously.
- Consider the amount of courage it takes for someone to tell you they don’t like your partner. If your friends and family are voicing these concerns, it’s a sign that something may be off.
Join the conversation...
Okay Mytour, don’t let me down. After taking a break from dating following a series of failed relationships, I’ve decided to give it another shot. I’ve just created a Hinge profile, and as I browse through it, I realize I’m not entirely up to date with the current dating red flags. In fact, half the things I see in bios don’t even make sense to me. I feel out of the loop. So, what are the major red flags I should be on the lookout for?
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
When considering red flags, dishonesty stands out as a major concern. You need to be wary of people who are evasive or unwilling to share personal details about themselves. This is a clear sign that they might not be engaging in online dating with serious intentions. While they don’t need to have a specific relationship goal, their lack of clarity about their life’s direction is problematic. If you're dating with purpose, you simply don't have time for ambiguity. After that, the red flags become personal to you! Everyone has their own unique set of deal-breakers. Ask yourself, “What are my core values? What do I want out of life?” If your values conflict with those of a potential partner, that's a red flag.
I absolutely cannot tolerate anyone with a short temper. If I’m seeing someone and they raise their voice or act violently, that’s an immediate deal-breaker. I will not tolerate someone who cannot manage their emotions in a way that doesn’t hurt others. Violence, in particular, is non-negotiable. If someone lays their hands on you, it’s likely to happen again, and it puts your safety at risk. It’s simply not worth the danger. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for more than two years, and he has never once raised his voice at me. Be patient, don’t settle, and the right person will come along.
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