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Spot a manipulator to avoid being deceived
Con artists excel at making the improbable appear entirely plausible. This skill can make it exceptionally hard to discern whether your partner is sincere or if you're being misled, whether you've just begun chatting online or are several dates into the relationship. Fortunately, there are several clear signs that you're involved with someone who isn't genuine, and we'll guide you through the key indicators that they might be attempting to scam or deceive you. Remember, if it turns out you're dating a con artist, don't be too hard on yourself. Professional deceivers are naturally skilled at fooling people, and their dishonesty is not a reflection of your judgment.
Key Points to Consider
- Scrutinize their stories and check for consistency. Con artists often struggle to keep their fabricated narratives coherent.
- Con artists tend to reveal little about themselves, but when they do, their claims often seem exaggerated or unrealistic.
- Con artists frequently exhibit excessive affection or interest early on. If they request sensitive personal information, such as financial details, it's a red flag to exit the situation immediately.
Steps to Take
Their story doesn’t add up.
If their explanations seem illogical, your suspicions are justified. Whether it’s a grand narrative or minor details about their life, inconsistencies are a red flag. While a single odd detail might not mean much, an overly extravagant life story that sounds unbelievable likely is.
- They might spin an unbelievable story about how they entered their field or amassed significant wealth.
- If you’ve been dating in person, observe their body language and tone when discussing their past. If it feels off, they’re likely being dishonest.
- If they contacted you online outside of a dating platform, question their motives. They should have a clear, logical reason for reaching out.
- An online profile claiming they’re a 21-year-old multimillionaire who travels the world on a yacht is a strong indicator of a con artist.
They share very little personal information.
Some con artists deliberately avoid revealing details about themselves. While some rely on elaborate backstories, others share minimal information to avoid getting caught in lies. If your partner is evasive about their upbringing, career, or income sources, it’s a significant warning sign of a scam.
- This is less concerning if you’ve just started chatting online. On platforms like Tinder, it’s normal for people to withhold deeply personal details early on.
- However, they should still be willing to share basic information about their job, education, or hobbies.
Everything about them seems unrealistically perfect.
It’s highly unlikely you’re dating a secret agent or a Bitcoin millionaire. If they’re making grand promises, boasting about immense wealth, or constantly talking about whisking you away to Paris, they might be trying to deceive you. Scammers often build up your expectations by saying things you’d love to hear. However, if there’s no proof to back up their claims, it’s best to remain skeptical.
- If they’re always bragging about their success and never seem to face any challenges, it’s a sign they might not be truthful.
- If their online dating profile mentions being a wealthy entrepreneur, a famous artist, or something similar, do some research. There should be some online evidence to confirm their claims.
You’ve never been to their home.
They might insist on meeting at your place or public locations. Con artists typically keep their real lives hidden. If you’ve been dating for a while and they’ve never invited you to their home, they’re likely hiding something. This is especially suspicious if they claim to be wealthy, as they would likely want to show off their luxurious lifestyle.
- If you met online, they might avoid meeting in person altogether, often citing excuses like working on an oil rig or being stationed on a military base.
They talk about money but never show it.
Con artists often pretend to be wealthy, so watch for signs that contradict their claims. The term “con” in con artist stands for “confidence.” They often portray themselves as stable, secure, or successful to gain your trust. However, if there’s no tangible evidence of their wealth, they’re likely lying.
- Don’t be swayed by expensive-looking clothes or jewelry. Many high-quality knockoffs exist.
- If their luxury car is always “in the shop” or their mansion is perpetually under repair, they’re probably deceiving you.
- Always verify claims of wealth, especially if you met online. Anyone can claim to be rich or photoshop themselves into a fancy car.
- In sugar relationships, if they pretend to have money or ask for financial support, it’s a red flag they might be a con artist.
- Reader Poll: We asked 485 Mytour readers, and 64% agreed that constantly asking for financial support would make them doubt a sugar momma’s wealth. [Take Poll]
They’re impeccably dressed and excessively charming.
Con artists put extra effort into appearing confident and charismatic. Do they seem like the most attractive person you’ve ever encountered? Are they always dressed in the finest attire? Con artists understand that looking wealthy, polished, and impressive increases their chances of deceiving others. Since most people occasionally wear casual clothes, be cautious if you’re constantly dazzled by their appearance.
- If you’re communicating with someone online, perform a reverse image search on their photos to check for duplicates. Catfishers often use images stolen from others.
They’re either always available or never around.
Everyone has commitments, but no one is completely free or entirely unreachable. If they’re always quick to respond or constantly available to meet, they might be hiding something about their daily life—especially if they claim to have a job. Conversely, if they disappear for days or weeks, they likely aren’t as committed to the relationship as they say.
- Reflect on your own routine. Even with work or school, you likely find time to respond to messages. If the person you’re dating doesn’t do the same, it suggests they lack typical responsibilities.
- Notice their response times online. If they claim to live in your area but only reply when you’re asleep, they might be lying about their location.
They frequently cancel plans with last-minute excuses.
A con artist often cancels plans last minute with sudden emergencies. If this person repeatedly backs out of plans at the last moment, it’s a strong indicator they’re being dishonest. They might cite medical issues, family problems, or work crises as excuses. After canceling, they may even request financial help, which is a clear sign of a scam.
- If you met online and they cancel in-person meetups multiple times due to emergencies, it’s a major red flag.
They request sensitive personal details.
A genuine partner will never ask for your social media passwords. If they persistently seek information that could be used to impersonate you, access your finances, or take out loans in your name, be cautious. Avoid sharing personal details unless you’ve been in a committed, in-person relationship for a significant time.
- Never provide information required for job applications, bank accounts, or credit cards.
- Requests to share or link accounts are a serious warning sign.
- If they send suspicious links, they may be attempting phishing scams to steal your data.
They show excessive interest in you.
If they seem overly curious about unnecessary details, stay cautious. While casual questions like “What are you up to?” are normal, inquiries about your financial status or savings out of the blue are suspicious. If it feels like they’re probing for sensitive information, they likely are. Avoid answering such questions.
- If you haven’t known each other long, they shouldn’t be delving deeply into personal matters. If their questions go beyond typical getting-to-know-you conversations, it’s a reason to be wary.
Their name is either very common or overly romantic.
This might seem minor, but it’s a significant red flag if you met online. While names like John Smith or Mary Jones are common, con artists often choose such names because they’re difficult to trace online. Alternatively, they might use overly romantic names like Valentino, Juliet, or Celestia to create an alluring persona.
- Search their name online, adding their location (city or state) to the query. If they have no digital presence outside of social media, they might be hiding their true identity.
They evoke intense emotions in you.
If interacting with them leaves you overly exhilarated or deeply uneasy, stay cautious. Con artists manipulate emotions to control others. If you feel like they’re playing mind games, making you doubt yourself, or pressuring you to act out of fear of losing them, they might be a con artist.
- A healthy relationship should bring joy, but be wary if you feel excessively happy without spending much time together.
- For instance, they might discuss wedding plans, making you feel deeply connected, only to later mention leaving on a long trip, triggering fear or jealousy.
You’ve fallen for scams in the past.
If you’re naturally trusting, you might be a prime target for con artists. Scammers often seek out individuals who are more likely to fall for their schemes. If you’ve been scammed before or consider yourself highly empathetic and eager to help others, exercise extra caution. It’s possible this person entered your life intentionally.
- Don’t blame yourself if you realize you’ve been deceived. Con artists are skilled manipulators, and it’s not your fault for wanting to do the right thing.
Join the Discussion...
Okay Mytour, don’t let me down. After a series of rough, short-lived relationships, I took a break from dating and am now ready to dive back in. I just created a Hinge profile, and as I browse, I realize I’m not up-to-date on the major red flags these days. Honestly, half the bios I see don’t even make sense to me. I feel completely out of touch. So, what are the biggest red flags I should watch out for?
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
So, big red flags… Dishonesty is a major one. Watch out for people who are evasive or unwilling to share details about their lives. This often indicates they’re not serious about dating. Their intentions don’t have to be crystal clear, but they should be transparent about what they want. Beyond that, red flags are personal. Everyone has their own deal-breakers. Ask yourself, “What are my values? What do I want in life?” If your values clash with a potential partner’s, that’s a red flag.
I have zero tolerance for people with anger issues. If someone I’m dating yells at me or becomes aggressive, I’m out immediately. One incident is all it takes. I won’t tolerate someone who can’t manage their emotions in a way that doesn’t harm others. Physical violence is a deal-breaker—if someone lays a hand on you, they might do it again, and your safety could be at risk. It’s just not worth it. My current boyfriend and I have been together for over two years, and he’s never once raised his voice at me. Be patient and don’t settle; the right person is out there.
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Read DiscussionWarnings
- Never send money via wire transfer to anyone. If you’re being scammed, the chances of getting your money back are almost nonexistent.
