Buzz
You’ve just had an argument with your boyfriend, and instead of focusing on who’s to blame, you’ve wisely decided to prioritize making up with him. You want to send him a message to break the ice, but what should you write? We’ve put together a list of messages that are perfect for various situations after a quarrel to help you. Additionally, at the end of the list, we’ve included tips on choosing the right timing and messaging style.
Steps
Admit your fault in the argument
An honest apology can ease hurt feelings in many situations. When apologizing via text, it’s important to express yourself directly and take responsibility for your part in the conflict (perhaps even more than you think). Be specific about what you’re apologizing for, and try to avoid negative terms like 'argue' if possible.
- If you know the main fault is yours: “I’m so sorry for overreacting when you mentioned the missing keys. I blew things out of proportion over something you didn’t do on purpose.”
- If you feel the fault lies mostly with your boyfriend: “I’m sorry for my behavior earlier today. I should’ve stepped outside for a few minutes to prevent things from escalating.”
- If the argument happened because you weren’t listening: “I’m really sorry for ignoring you when you were trying to tell me something important. I know I need to be a better listener.”
- If you want your boyfriend to forgive you: “I’m sorry. I know I’ve messed things up. I hope you can forgive me.”
Tell him how much he means to you
Try this approach if you’re worried he thinks you don’t love him anymore. When the argument gets so intense that you end up saying things like 'I don’t know how I can tolerate you anymore' or 'I really hate you right now,' it’s important to acknowledge that you may have said something harsh and reassure him that you still love him.
- “You mean everything to me. I deeply regret causing such a scene last night.”
- “Yesterday was crazy, but I love you more than anything. I hope we can find peace again.”
- “I’m sorry for saying things that hurt you. I love you.”
Let him know you regret what happened
Provide an explanation if your actions didn’t reflect your usual behavior. Conflicts are inevitable, but hopefully, they are not a regular part of your relationship. In this case, you should tell him you regret letting something unusual happen. While you shouldn’t make excuses, you can explain why things went wrong.
- If something unrelated to him caused you to lose your temper: “I’m sorry for taking out my work frustrations on you.”
- If you grew up in a family where arguments were common: “I hate fighting because I had to listen to my parents argue when I was younger. I’m really sorry for blowing something small out of proportion.”
- If you lost your temper while trying to 'fix' the relationship: “I overreacted because I care so much about our relationship, but I shouldn’t have turned it into an argument.”
- If you said something hurtful or tactless: “I don’t know how to express how sorry I am for calling you stupid. I’ve never regretted something I said more than I do right now.”
Ask for a chance to explain yourself
Try this approach if you’re at fault but don’t want to make excuses. If you immediately start explaining your behavior, it might seem like you’re making excuses. Instead, ask him for a chance to explain why things went the way they did. (If possible, suggest talking to him in person or over the phone.)
- “I really regret what I did. I see now how unreasonable I was. I’d love the chance to explain why I was so upset. Can I call you?”
- “I’m so sorry for getting angry like I did last night. I’ve been dealing with some issues at home that I should’ve shared with you earlier. Could I come over and explain what’s going on?”
Offer to do something sweet for him
Show remorse by doing something to make him feel better. Kind gestures can’t replace a genuine apology, but they can serve as a concrete way to show you regret your actions. Don’t feel pressured to do things you really don’t want to, but consider suggesting something meaningful that you know he’ll appreciate.
- “I really want to apologize... how about at that steakhouse you love? Can you meet me there? I’ve made a reservation for 7 PM tonight.”
- “I’m really sorry. How can I make it up to you? Next week, I’ll wash all the dishes... and you know how much I hate doing that.”
- Send a picture of his car washed and sparkling clean, with you standing next to it holding a sign that says 'I’m sorry!'
Make it clear that you have a plan to change
To make your apology more convincing, you can outline a plan for self-improvement. If the mistake is mostly on your part, a heartfelt apology alone may not be enough. Share specific, realistic steps you plan to take to show him that you’ve learned from the situation, will improve, and ensure you won’t make the same mistake again.
- “I’m really sorry for losing my temper with you. I promise I’ll keep my cool next time.”
- “I don’t even know how to express how sorry I am. It was a mistake to drink that much. I’ll definitely cut back on alcohol.”
- “I can’t believe I said that to you. I’m sorry. I know I need to control myself, so I’ve signed up for an anger management class.”
Acknowledge his feelings.
Send this message when you know he’s still upset. Your natural reaction might be to downplay his feelings with comments like “I know you’re upset, but you’ll get over it” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” However, whether he’s feeling regretful, frustrated, or still angry, don’t try to control his emotions. Instead, ask what you can do to help him process his feelings.
- “I’m ready to talk whenever you’re ready, but if you need some space for a few days, that’s fine too.”
- “Is there anything I can do to help you right now? I feel so sad about our argument today.”
- “I know you’re still mad, and you have every right to be. Can you tell me what I can do to make it better?”
Use an inside joke to ease the tension.
Only use this approach if you know he’s also feeling uncomfortable after a silly argument. Sometimes, big fights start over something trivial, and both of you might just want to find a way to laugh it off. If you’re sure he feels that way too, send him a lighthearted message to help ease his mind.
- “That was crazy! I think this was the most heated argument we’ve had since that dating show ended (and I still haven’t finished my part in the show!)”
- “Oh my gosh. I feel like we’re in one of those life insurance commercials, where the elderly couple argues for half an hour about something they can’t even remember anymore.”
- “So, what do you think was redder last night - my shirt or my face? I bet you thought I was about to explode like a balloon!”
Suggest moving on from the argument.
This approach works if both of you share equal responsibility for the argument. Let’s say you both had a heated argument over something completely trivial. Instead of dwelling on how something so small turned into a big deal, ask him if you both can work together to improve the relationship by communicating better.
- “I can’t believe we argued over a pair of pants! Can we just forget about it and learn to communicate more openly with each other?”
- “Let’s just pretend that argument never happened. It doesn’t seem worth bringing up again.”
- “We’ve never fought like that before, and I don’t want it to happen again. Would you consider going to couples therapy with me?”
Let your boyfriend know you’re ready to listen if he wants to talk.
Use this approach instead of demanding an apology if he’s the one at fault. If you demand an apology, even with the gentlest reminder, it might just lead to a negative response from him. Instead, start by offering a brief and reasonable apology for your own part, then open the door for him to apologize if he feels ready.
- “I’m sorry for getting upset with you. If you want to talk about what happened, I’m ready to listen.”
- “This is really unfortunate. I’m sorry for my part in it. Now that I’m calm, I’m ready to listen whenever you want to talk.”
- “I feel bad about what happened. Talk to me whenever you’re ready. I really want us to get through this.”
Suggest a compromise.
Be the first to reach out if you’re both stuck in a disagreement. The art of compromise is essential for any healthy relationship. So, if your argument stemmed from a disagreement, offer a fair solution and give him a chance to respond.
- “Let’s stop arguing about where we should go for vacation. How about we try something else, like a camping trip?”
- “Instead of arguing about whose place we should move to, why don’t we pick a new place together?”
- “I know you don’t want to go to the year-end ball, but I’d really like to. How about we go for just two hours?”
Suggest meeting in person to have a conversation.
Even though you both often communicate via text, face-to-face conversations are usually better. Texting is better than staying silent after an argument, but it's still not the best way to apologize, resolve issues, or listen to each other. Typically, meeting in person is ideal because you can read each other's body language, but calling is still a better option than texting.
- “Could we meet at the café to talk? I’m really sorry for how I behaved.”
- “We started arguing through text, so I’d love to meet in person to work things out. Can you come by after class?”
- “Can I call you to discuss things properly? Texting doesn’t seem like the best way right now.”
Wait until you’ve calmed down before sending a message.
The situation may worsen if you send a rash message. If the argument just ended or if you're still upset hours later, don’t send a text right away. Take your time to think carefully before hitting ‘send’—otherwise, you might say something hurtful that could reignite the argument instead of putting it to rest.
- If you're still angry, try using calming techniques like deep breathing, taking a walk, imagining a peaceful scene, or listening to soothing music.
Send a brief first message.
Focus on meeting in person to resolve the issue instead of sending a long message. What you’re aiming for is to initiate a conversation, so it’s best to get straight to the point. If you send a lengthy text, your boyfriend might feel overwhelmed and avoid talking with you.
- There’s no standard for how long your message should be. Just make sure to read it carefully before hitting ‘send’ to ensure it’s direct and to the point without rambling.
- You can include a few emojis like 😢, 🙏, or 😘, but don’t rely on them or shorten your words just to make the message shorter.
Try a different method if he doesn’t respond.
Don’t send multiple texts hoping for a response. If your boyfriend hasn’t replied, it’s likely not because he didn’t receive your message, but because he’s still angry. You can wait a few hours or up to a day and then try again, or consider other options:
- Call him.
- Message him through social media.
- Send an email; where you can go into more detail (but still keep it concise).
- Ask a mutual friend to contact him for you.
- Use the old-fashioned method of writing a note or writing a letter.
Advice
- When talking after an argument, make sure to actively listen to what he says. Also, both of you should express your feelings one at a time so that each person feels heard.
