Buzz
Witty, clever, & savage one-liners to roast a guy with the perfect burn
Want to roast a guy in a fun, cheeky, or flirty way? We've got the best comebacks for you! In this article, we've rounded up the ultimate collection of insults and quick burns for roasting a friend, crush, sibling, or hater. We even chatted with dating coach and matchmaker Laura Bilotta to uncover the best ways to joke with a guy while keeping the mood lighthearted and respectful.
Ultimate Roasts & Comebacks to Use on a Guy
- Are you wearing bowling shoes?
- Your ego is taller than your height.
- You definitely were a leash kid, weren’t you?
- It looks like you can't even ride a bike.
- I'm not bored enough to talk to you right now.
- It’s cute how confident you are, though.
- Your friends probably have a group chat without you in it.
Steps
Funny Roasts for Your Guy Friends
Drop a playful one-liner that will have everyone laughing. If you’re looking to roast your friends in a creative way, make fun of their age, appearance, or amusing habits. But remember, Bilotta advises, “respect the other person’s boundaries” and avoid sensitive topics. A smile, chuckle, or friendly shoulder tap while delivering your roast can let them know you’re just teasing.
- Go jump into a bucket of slime.
- You resemble a Wii character.
- You’re built like a windshield wiper.
- There’s no doubt you were a leash kid.
- You’d be super easy to sketch.
- You seem like the type to chew on your straws.
- You give off the vibe of a spray deodorant user.
- I hope you step on a Lego by accident.
- You’re as pointless as the “g” in “lasagna.”
- You look like you’d be allergic to peanuts.
- No wonder you’re the middle child.
- I bet you still kiss your mom on the lips.
- You run like a GTA character.
- I’m not bored enough to talk to you right now.
- Your face looks like mashed potatoes.
- You’re the type of person who responds to spam emails.
- You’re the human version of a participation trophy.
- You’re not dumb—you just have bad luck with thinking.
- I’ll never forget our first meeting… but I’ll keep trying.
- You’re the reason shampoo bottles have instructions.
- You remind me of the cinnamon stick from Apple Jacks.
- I think you deserve a high five… to the face… with a chair.
- Every time I hold a stick, you look like a piñata.
- You’re so ugly, the water jumps out when you take a bath.
- Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you prove me wrong.
- Our friendship is balanced. You talk… I stop listening.
- You’re not the dumbest person, but I hope they don’t die.
- If laziness were a sport, you’d come second because you’d be too lazy to compete.
- Your mom’s so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears thinking she was listening to 50 Cent.
Playful Roasts for Your Crush
Tease your crush about his funny quirks or habits to flirt with him. According to Bilotta, “humor is a fantastic way to break the ice and show interest.” Focus on quirky traits he actually does, not things he can't change about himself. The best way to flirt with a guy is through playful teasing that keeps things lighthearted!
- Are those bowling shoes?
- You look like an Axe user.
- Your cologne smells so sweet.
- Your Clash of Clans base is terrible.
- You look like you can’t even ride a bike.
- Shock me. Say something intelligent.
- Want to hear a joke? Your life.
- I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.
- Do you take pleasure in making people dislike you?
- How does it feel to get mogged all the time?
- If you had two brains, you’d be twice as dumb.
- OMG, I have that same necklace from Amazon!
- I love shopping, but I’m not buying your nonsense.
- I can’t decide what’s worse… Your IQ or your hairline.
- Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.
- You bring me so much joy… when you leave the room.
- If you fear success, you're in the clear.
- Why play hard to get when you’re already hard to want?
- I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt your sentence?
- It’s terrifying to think you can vote.
- Whoever told you to be yourself gave you terrible advice.
- Do you work at a grocery store? Because you keep checking me out.
- You look like someone dropped a lollipop at the barber shop.
- You have your whole life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?
- You must be a magician. How did you escape the circus again?
- Are you always an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?
- I’d say you’re dumb as a rock, but at least a rock holds the door open.
- You can be anything you want in life… except rich, handsome, and successful.
- I thought you were cute until you started talking.
- I know your parents told you you could be anything, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean a douchebag.
Silly Roasts for Your Brother
Put your sibling in their place with a witty and ruthless comeback. Whether you’re the older or younger sibling, there are plenty of lines you can use to roast your brother. Tease his personality for an easy burn, or remind him that you’re more accomplished, better-looking, and sharper than he’ll ever be. It’s a great way to reignite some fun sibling rivalry, as long as you avoid hitting any sensitive spots and keep it respectful.
- Is your purpose in life just to annoy people?
- If I gave you a dollar, would you finally leave?
- Could you go somewhere else for a change?
- You must have skipped the “normal” gene.
- You’re the exact reason why I’m not having kids.
- You might be older, but you’re certainly not wiser.
- You were born first, but I’m still taller than you.
- I’m looking forward to a lifetime without you.
- Don’t worry about me. Worry about your grades.
- I bet your friends make fun of you when you’re not around.
- Congrats on earning a PhD in being annoying.
- I’d sell you, but you’re of no value.
- Let’s make a deal: For the next week, don’t talk to me.
- You’re like a cloud. When you’re gone, it’s a beautiful day.
- Mom and Dad had to try twice before they got the perfect kid.
- Your birth certificate should come with an apology letter.
- I get so emotional when you’re not around. It’s called happiness.
- Maybe you should focus on getting a life instead of obsessing over mine.
- The real heroes are the ones who have to live with you.
- Do you ever tire of talking about yourself non-stop?
- How do your friends deal with you? Oh wait—you don’t have any.
- You’re so ugly, when Mom gave birth to you, she got fined for littering.
- Mom and Dad said we could be anything. You picked disappointment.
- You know how people say, “aging like fine wine”? You’ve aged like milk left in the sun.
- Funny, I just came back from the center of the universe and didn’t see you there.
- Did you know that in every photo before you were born, Mom and Dad were smiling?
- When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. It’s just smarter to prepare early.
- You must be so proud of yourself! How did you manage to achieve absolutely nothing in 18 years?
- I’m the reason you were born, and you’re the reason Mom and Dad stopped having kids.
Savage Roasts for Haters
Craft a brutal comeback that will leave your bullies speechless. Feeling extra savage? Save these lines for your enemies or any time you need to shut down a conversation. They’re guaranteed to make the other person question their existence and create the perfect “mic drop” moment—use them carefully!
- You look like a “before” photo.
- It’s almost impossible to underestimate you.
- I believed in evolution until I met you.
- You look like you don’t even clean your ears.
- Even Bob Ross would call you a mistake.
- If ugly were a day, you’d be an entire year.
- Those are some big words for such a small person.
- Row, row, row your boat gently off a cliff.
- You’re proof that God has a sense of humor.
- You’re the reason the divorce rate is so high.
- You’re talking to me like you’re 6’5” right now.
- Brush your teeth before you start talking.
- Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
- I would hit you, but that would be considered animal abuse.
- It’d be nice if you used glue instead of chapstick.
- Your opinion is almost as bad as your eyebrows.
- Your teeth are so yellow, even the sun is jealous.
- If you ran like you talk, you’d be in much better shape.
- You look like Bob the Builder and Shrek had a baby.
- You look like you play spin the bottle at family reunions.
- Life’s full of disappointments. I just added you to the list.
- Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain up there.
- I’d give you a dirty look, but it seems you already have one.
- I’d love to insult you, but nature already did a better job.
- I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather undergo open heart surgery.
- I bet your parents change the topic when their friends ask about you.
- You’re the type of person who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
- I was going to make a joke about your life, but life beat me to it.
- I was going to roast you, but then I realized burning trash is an environmental hazard.
Mean Roasts to Insult a Man
Tease his height, hairline, or ego to leave him speechless. Call in the paramedics—these comebacks will definitely sting his pride! If a man’s being openly disrespectful, get straight to the point with one of these sharp retorts. He’ll likely be too shocked to respond and will probably remember them for the next week or so.
- Your ego stands taller than you.
- You look like you can’t even swim.
- Those hands are so delicate.
- I’ve picked up more girls than you.
- You’re upset with your mom, not me.
- I wish my hair was as sparse as yours.
- Ever tried a gua sha?
- You’re even worse than Kendrick Perkins.
- You know they make shoe inserts, right?
- You have all the charm of a doorknob.
- Did you shrink? Oh wait… never mind.
- Was your barber in a rush today?
- You can’t talk down to me from that height.
- You have the emotional range of a raindrop.
- Your flirting skills are as weak as your hairline.
- Is that a toupee? It looks so real!
- Just so you know, my friends call you “which one?”
- It’s nice to see someone like you exude confidence.
- You’re acting much taller than you actually are.
- You look like your party trick is spelling Mississippi.
- Your friends surely have a group chat without you.
- You’ve got big dreams, but they lead to nowhere.
- Trying to get a good view of your bald spots… step back.
- I’m not having a debate with a man I can look down at.
- Why should I lower my standards so you can get a chance?
- You’re talking too loudly for someone I can’t wear heels around.
- Maybe take a step back and act your age, like your hairline.
- You seem like the kind of guy who hits the vending machine more than the gym.
- I admire how you don’t let your hairline stop you from approaching women.
Creative Roasts That Rhyme
Come up with a rhyming roast to take your insult game to the next level. Want to be crowned the roast champion? Grab your pen and paper and start getting creative. Twist up the words of a classic nursery rhyme or craft your own one-liner that rhymes. Think of it as writing a rhyming poem, or use these examples for inspiration:
- Hickory dickory dock, you’re built like a Roblox block.
- Fee-fi-fo-fum, your breath’s so bad, chew some gum.
- Twinkle, twinkle little star, you’re truly the definition of subpar.
- Eenie meenie miny moe. Your face reminds me of my big toe.
- If I’m a 5, then you’re a 2. Faces like yours should be kept in a zoo.
- Twinkle, twinkle little star, I’d like to run you over with my car.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought I was ugly until I met you.
- Roses are red, the sky is blue. I mind my business, why don’t you?
- Your comebacks are too weak, maybe they’re lost in your double chin’s peak.
- I’m the type to laugh at mistakes, sorry if I laugh at your face’s stakes.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got three fingers, and the third one’s for you.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. If you don’t shut up, I’ll punch you.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. The smell of rotten eggs reminds me of you.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. The bottom of my laptop is still hotter than you.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. I’d rather be single than stuck with you.
- I’m trying not to roast you, but you can’t count higher than number two.
- What do you mean people call you fine? That outfit’s a crime, and it’s mine!
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If you’re roasting a guy over text, Bilotta suggests using emojis to "add a playful tone and convey your humor.” Try sending a 😉, 😈, or 😝 to keep the vibe light and let him know you’re joking.
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When joking with someone, Bilotta advises, “pay attention to their reactions, making sure you’re not crossing any boundaries.” Keep an eye on their body language and how they respond to make sure you’re staying respectful.
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If you hit a sensitive spot by mistake, admit it and offer a heartfelt apology. You can say something like, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it too far. I should have been more careful with my words.”
