Buzz
Discover what men truly desire in a relationship.
When sharing their life with someone, men are often looking for many of the same qualities women desire—someone who is confident, compassionate, and has a great sense of humor. While physical attraction may draw someone in, it’s the depth of a woman’s character that keeps a man by her side. Continue reading to learn how to win over the man of your dreams.
Things to Keep in Mind
- Demonstrate your confidence by being approachable and standing up for yourself when necessary.
- Share your ambitions and accomplishments to show the drive he looks for in a woman.
- Engage with his friends to show that you are sociable and fun to be around.
Guidelines
Self-Assurance
Self-assurance is the top trait men find irresistible in women. Men are especially attracted to women who are confident in their identity and know their value. A woman who understands her worth and has a clear sense of self is highly appealing.
- Show your self-assurance by smiling, maintaining eye contact, and standing tall with good posture. Be assertive in expressing your thoughts and desires instead of staying quiet.
- Avoid being clingy, as it can turn men off. If you require constant validation or struggle with every minor decision, it may become overwhelming for him.
Drive
Men are generally attracted to women who have their own ambitions. They prefer women who are goal-driven—those who have a clear vision for their future and understand the steps they need to take to achieve it. These goals are personal and focus on the woman as an individual, not just in relation to a man.
- Create a 5- or 10-year plan for your future and discuss it with him. This demonstrates that you're not just going with the flow—you have a roadmap for achieving your dreams.
- Don’t hesitate to discuss your career or other accomplishments. Men are often impressed by women who are ambitious and not afraid to succeed.
Approachability
A man seeks a woman who can connect with others socially. While being an introvert or a homebody isn’t a problem, men usually prefer women who can engage and be sociable in group settings. A woman who keeps to herself and is reserved may not attract much attention.
- Show him you're approachable and friendly by introducing yourself and starting conversations with people he knows. He'll admire you for making the first move.
- Ask open-ended questions to show you're genuinely interested in what others have to say. This displays warmth and friendliness, which will make him take notice.
Emotional Maturity
Men are drawn to women who have their life together. It’s fun to be playful and enjoy life when the time is right, but most men prefer women who can act responsibly. A mature woman is not petty and avoids creating drama. Instead, she approaches situations with reason and rationality.
- Show your maturity by avoiding gossiping around him. Even if there's something intriguing, it’s best to keep it to yourself.
- If you’re constantly surrounded by drama or have overly dramatic friends, he may assume you’re also involved in such behavior.
Emotional Balance
A man typically seeks a woman who maintains emotional stability. Many men view emotional balance as essential. They find it difficult to be with women whose emotions are unpredictable or extreme. Men appreciate understanding where a woman is coming from in any situation.
- Manage your emotions instead of reacting impulsively when things don’t go as planned. Focus on finding solutions instead of just reacting.
- If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a step back and breathe deeply for a moment. Once you feel calmer, return to the situation with a clear head and resolve the issue.
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Start QuizExplore More QuizzesComedy
Men often seek women who appreciate their sense of humor. While humor is a common trait both men and women seek in a partner, their perspectives differ. Women usually desire men who can make them laugh, whereas men don't necessarily want women who are funny themselves. Instead, they look for women who find *their* humor amusing—those who enjoy their jokes.
- When you think about it, it makes sense! A woman wants a man who can make her laugh, and a man wants to make his partner laugh. If your comedic sensibilities align, it might be a perfect match.
- Demonstrate your shared humor by laughing at his jokes. You can also create inside jokes to strengthen this bond.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 2239 Mytour readers about what they find most attractive, and 56% cited sense of humor and charm. [Take Poll]
Compassion
Men typically admire women who are gentle and thoughtful. This trait is even more important to men who are considering starting a family. Generally, men are attracted to women who are kind-hearted and caring to everyone around them, as they believe these qualities will extend to their relationship.
- Display your kindness by being polite and approachable to everyone you meet, whether it's a cashier or a waiter.
- Use good manners to show you're considerate, even when faced with rudeness or disrespect from others.
Reliability
Men generally seek women whose behavior is dependable. A man wants to feel confident in how a woman will respond in different situations—he doesn't appreciate unpredictability. When she acts with consistency, it reassures him that she is being genuine and not concealing her true nature.
- Be authentic when you're with a guy you like. If you try to conceal your true feelings or respond differently than usual, he'll get a misinterpretation of who you are.
- If something bothers or offends you, communicate how and why. He’ll value your openness and it will help him avoid similar issues in the future.
Self-Sufficiency
Men are drawn to women who have their own goals and passions. While men appreciate feeling needed in a relationship, they also value women who are self-sufficient. When a woman doesn't rely on him for everything, it allows him to feel like a meaningful contributor to her life.
- Give him the space to pursue his own activities or spend time with his friends without feeling anxious or upset about it.
- If your life is busy and you're not always available when he wants to hang out, it signals that you're self-reliant.
Warmth
A man desires a woman who openly expresses her affection for him. While every individual has varying comfort levels with public displays of affection (PDA), all men appreciate when their partner demonstrates love toward them. This doesn’t necessarily mean excessive attention, but rather subtle gestures, like a soft touch or a warm smile, that reassure him of her care.
- Rest your hand gently on his arm during a chat, or wrap your arm around him when standing side by side.
- Another way to express affection is by lightly running your fingers through his hair or giving his upper arm or shoulder a quick squeeze as you pass by.
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Take the QuizExplore More QuizzesDecisiveness
Men generally admire women who are confident in making decisions. While it's often joked that women take longer to make choices, many men really value a woman who can confidently express her preferences. A man appreciates a woman who is not afraid to share what she wants, whether it's dinner plans or a movie choice.
- For instance, if he asks about dinner, you could suggest a place you've been wanting to try. You could also offer a specific cuisine, saying something like, "How about Mexican tonight? What's your favorite place for that?"
- If you're truly undecided, it's perfectly fine to share that too. A simple, "I'm not picky tonight—I'm open to anything. Do you have a preference?" works just as well.
Honesty
A man values knowing that the woman he’s with will always be truthful to him. Both men and women despise dishonesty, and a strong foundation for any lasting relationship is built on trust. Even the smallest of lies can erode his belief that honesty will persist in the future.
- If you're concerned that honesty might hurt his feelings, try to soften the delivery. For instance, you could say, "I don’t want to hurt you, but I need to be honest. Can we talk privately for a moment?"
- Be tactful but truthful when sharing your opinions, especially in delicate situations. For example, you could say, "I think you look great in sweaters, but maybe this color isn't the best for you. Do you have a navy blue one?"
Supportiveness
Men often seek women who they can count on to stand beside them through thick and thin. When a man is in a relationship, he wants to feel supported and assured that the woman he's with will be there for him no matter the circumstances. Men often appreciate women who help lift their spirits and offer emotional support, even if they don't always agree with his choices.
- Show your support by encouraging him in activities he enjoys or when he faces challenges at work or in his personal life.
- Let him know he can turn to you for a listening ear, and that you’ll provide your perspective or advice if he asks for it.
- If you have reservations about something he’s pursuing, express them in a supportive manner. For instance, you might say, "I'm not sure if this company is the best fit for you, but if you want to apply, I’m 100% behind you."
Commitment
A man feels secure in a relationship with a woman who shows dedication. While both men and women desire security, the kind they crave may differ. For a man, it’s essential to know that the woman he’s with is in the relationship for the long run and is equally invested in their future. The more he senses her commitment, the more open he will be with her.
- Demonstrate your commitment by including him in your plans for the future. For example, you could say, "I’m thinking about my vacation next year. Would you rather go to the mountains or the beach?"
- You can also show your commitment by seeking his input on significant decisions that could affect your future together. For example, you might ask, "What do you think about me accepting that promotion at work? The extra hours would be tough, but the pay increase is great."
Dependability
Men value a woman they can rely on when they need support. When things get tough, a man wants to be with a woman who he can count on to handle situations and provide help when needed. He looks for someone who will come through for him or find the assistance he needs when she can't do it herself.
- The best way to demonstrate dependability is to consistently follow through on your promises and commitments.
- Honoring your word to others shows you're dependable to everyone, not just to him.
Intelligence
A man is drawn to a woman who is intellectually engaged and curious about the world. While reality shows might offer a fun distraction, many men seek women who engage in deeper thinking. Relationships grow stronger when both partners can have meaningful conversations beyond the surface level.
- Share your thoughts on your career, college, or recent intellectual pursuits. You could also mention a book you've enjoyed or a podcast that caught your attention.
- Intelligence is subjective, and many are attracted to those who share a similar level of intellect. For instance, a CEO may seek a partner with similar career ambitions.
Attractiveness
Men often need to be physically attracted to a woman to maintain interest. While not every man is seeking a supermodel, visual appeal tends to hold more weight for men than for women. If a man doesn't find a woman physically appealing, he's likely to lose interest in pursuing a relationship.
- Focus on maintaining your appearance to be more appealing to him. You don't have to go all out with makeup or fancy outfits, but looking clean and presentable shows that you care about your image.
- Before dismissing men as shallow, consider that positive traits can enhance a person’s attractiveness—this effect is known as the "halo effect" in research.
EXPERT TIP
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Dating Coach
Authenticity and confidence draw in those who appreciate you for who you truly are. Work on developing inner strength, self-love, and a distinctive personality. Feeling good about yourself naturally creates an appeal that will attract someone special.
Understanding
A man values a woman who is willing to listen to his perspective. Just like women, men want to be truly understood—this is an essential human need. When a woman takes the time to understand a man, he feels that she is genuinely interested in him as an individual, not just an idealized version of him.
- Demonstrate your understanding by asking him questions when something he says or does confuses you.
- Instead of jumping to conclusions or dismissing his words, dig deeper. For instance, you could ask, "What you said seemed a bit off. Can you explain your point further so I can understand your perspective?"
Appreciation
Men often need to feel valued and needed in their relationships. A woman who makes her man feel capable and essential consistently shows appreciation for his efforts. It's not just about thanking him when he helps out—it's about recognizing him for his actions in small ways every day.
- Always say "thank you" when he does something for you, no matter how minor it may seem. Going the extra mile to thank him for simply being himself or for being in your life also has a big impact.
- Make sure to express your appreciation for the qualities you love about his personality. For example, you could say, "I really appreciate you asking me about my thoughts on that movie. It made me feel like you were genuinely trying to understand me better, and that means a lot to me."
Respectfulness
A man desires a woman who treats him with dignity and respect. In this case, a man is seeking a woman who will treat him with the same level of respect she would give anyone she admires or holds in high regard. He wants to feel that she values him or perhaps even looks up to him.
- One effective way to show him respect is by asking for his thoughts or advice on something, then genuinely listening and considering what he has to say.
- Don't put undue pressure on his time or attention. For instance, if you react negatively when he plans a guys' night, it might give him the impression that you don't value his personal time or his friendships.
