Buzz
Warning signs she may not be genuinely in love with you
It can be confusing and painful to question whether someone's emotions are sincere or if they're just pretending to love you. We're here to provide you with 20 warning signs that indicate she might not be serious about you and doesn't have your best interests at heart. We also interviewed relationship experts to help you understand the signs and guide you on what to do if you suspect your partner is only pretending to love you.
Key Insights to Keep in Mind
- If she seems moody, distant, or never plans to spend quality time with you, she could be faking her feelings.
- She may avoid conversations about the future, making your relationship official, or saying 'I love you,' even if you're the first to express it.
- If you think she’s pretending, make time to have a heartfelt conversation about your feelings. Be honest and specific about what’s bothering you and how it’s making you feel.
Steps to Take
Signs She’s Not Truly in Love With You
She often seems moody or distant with you. Everyone has off days, and it’s normal to experience fluctuations in emotions. But if she frequently appears sad, withdrawn, or uninterested, and nothing you do seems to make her feel better, it could suggest dissatisfaction with the relationship.
- If her moodiness or distance extends to how she behaves around others she cares about, she might be dealing with deeper issues like depression.
She doesn’t seem happy to see you. A person’s facial expressions can reveal their true emotions. Relationship coach Candice Mostisser advises you to consider, “Do they seem pleased when you arrive to talk to them?” If she doesn't show excitement or happiness when you’re together, it could indicate a lack of genuine feelings.
- Candice Mostisser also suggests observing her body language—“Do her knees face you when you sit at a table together?” If not, it may signal a lack of emotional connection.
You feel like you're constantly pursuing her. While it’s normal to experience a bit of the 'chase' in the early stages of dating, when someone truly likes you, they won’t make you work for their attention. If you’re always the one trying to win her over, it could mean you’re more invested than she is in the relationship.
She never takes the initiative to plan quality time together. When someone loves you, they'll prioritize spending time with you. While occasional cancellations due to unforeseen events are understandable, if she’s always too busy or changes plans last minute, it could be a sign she’s not genuine in her feelings for you.
She avoids discussing the future or making things official. Healthy relationships usually involve mutual commitment. If she constantly resists defining your relationship or talking about a future together, it might be a sign that she doesn’t see your relationship as something long-lasting.
SHARE YOUR OPINION
What do you think is the most significant red flag that someone is only pretending to love you?
810 total votes
Coming soon! Thanks for your interest.
Thank you for taking our poll!
Take the QuizExplore More Quizzes
She seldom expresses "I love you." A major warning sign is when you’ve already confessed your love, but she rarely reciprocates. If she only says "I love you" after you do or you need to prompt her, it may be because she feels obliged to say it rather than genuinely meaning it.
- She may also avoid saying "I love you" because she’s anxious or insecure about the relationship due to past experiences.
She keeps things from you. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship. If you suspect she’s concealing her plans, phone, or important aspects of her life, it could indicate she’s hiding something that might hurt or upset you.
- If your relationship is new, she may keep her past private due to a lack of trust. Be patient, as intimacy builds over time with love.
She avoids being physically affectionate. Physical touch is essential for any relationship and directly impacts how fulfilled both partners feel. If she avoids holding hands, cuddling, or any form of intimate contact, it could suggest she doesn’t share the same feelings.
- Observe her reaction when you attempt physical closeness. Dating coach John Keegan notes that if she tenses up when you put your arm around her, it may signal that she’s not ready to open up to you physically.
- Other factors, such as personal challenges or past experiences, could also be why she avoids physical affection.
She hardly ever compliments you. While constant praise isn’t necessary in a relationship, offering compliments can show appreciation. If she rarely says anything positive about you, it may indicate that she doesn’t value you as much as you value her.
She behaves differently towards you in front of others. A person who loves you should treat you with kindness and respect, regardless of the company. If she diminishes her affection for you, acts rudely, or makes fun of you in public, it could signal that her feelings for you are not sincere.
- It could also mean she’s uncomfortable around the people you’re with—observe her behavior in different social situations to determine if the issue lies within your relationship.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 2087 Mytour readers about signs a girl might be using you. Only 10% agreed that the best sign is when she ignores you in front of your friends. [Take Poll] So, while she might act differently in groups, it’s not always an indicator that she’s using you.
She avoids being around you in public. Dating coach Candice Mostisser explains that if someone cares for you, "they make an effort to be around you even when others are present." If she avoids sitting near you or engaging with you in public, it could suggest she’s pretending to have feelings for you.
- Candice Mostisser advises you to observe in public settings: "Do they make an effort to sit next to you? Do they seek out time alone with you?"
She doesn’t show interest in your conversations. While distractions are part of life, if she consistently ignores what you say or seems uninterested in your talks, it could signal that she’s not as invested in the relationship as you are.
- Her lack of engagement might be influenced by other factors, and her feelings could change. It's best to address these issues with her or consider seeking advice from a therapist if they persist.
You can’t figure out what’s going on in her mind. Ideally, your partner should be someone you confide in and seek advice from. If you constantly find yourself unsure of her thoughts or feelings, it may indicate that she’s not sharing them with you. This could be because she doesn’t feel emotionally connected or invested.
- She might also withhold her feelings if she doesn’t feel secure enough to open up.
Your dates feel dull or lack creativity. Date nights play a vital role in relationships, offering opportunities to bond and create meaningful moments together. According to dating coach Joshua Pompey, "If they suggest hanging out, but the dates seem to lose their creativity early on," it could be an indication that she’s losing interest in the relationship.
She’s quick to suggest breaking up after every small disagreement. While arguments are part of any relationship, love means working through them and trying to improve your bond. If her usual reaction to every disagreement is wanting to end things, it might signal a lack of commitment to making the relationship work.
She lies about where she goes or who she interacts with. Dishonesty is a serious red flag in any relationship, as it undermines trust and raises questions about larger issues. If you often catch her lying, it could suggest that she may not be fully honest about her feelings for you as well.
- Lying doesn’t always imply a lack of love, so it’s important to have an open conversation with her before jumping to conclusions.
She keeps you off her social media. If your girlfriend isn’t very active on social media, this might not be a problem. However, if she regularly posts content but you’re never featured, it could be a sign that she’s hiding your relationship or doesn’t feel the same way about you.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK
Do you share pictures or mention your partner on social media?
345 total votes
This feature is coming soon! Thanks for your interest.
Thanks for participating in our poll!
Take the QuizExplore More Quizzes
She only reaches out when she needs something from you. Perhaps she frequently asks for rides, expects you to cover the bill, or only contacts you when she feels bored or lonely. If it seems like she’s only using you and never checks in on your well-being, it might indicate that she’s pretending to have feelings for you.
- While it's normal for a partner to ask for a favor occasionally, constantly being asked to do things without reciprocation is a major red flag.
She’s unpredictable. One day, she might be loving, caring, and full of attention, and the next, she hardly replies to your messages. You shouldn't have to guess which version of her you're going to get each day. If her behavior swings like this regularly, it could be a sign that she’s not truly invested in building a relationship or that she’s misleading you.
She never introduces you to the people who matter to her. Getting to know your partner's close friends and family is an important milestone in any relationship. If you've been together for a while and she hasn’t made an effort to introduce you to the key people in her life, it may suggest that she doesn't view your relationship as something serious.
She tries to keep your relationship a secret. When you're in a relationship, you should feel proud to have your partner by your side. If she seems to avoid letting others know about your relationship, it could be because she's hiding something or isn't as committed as you are.
- If she’s keeping things under wraps, talk to her about it—it could also be because she prefers to avoid public displays of affection.
- In dating, when someone avoids introducing their partner to others, it's called 'pocketing.'
She stops responding to your messages. Everyone communicates differently through text, but if she’s starting to ignore your messages, it might be a sign that her interest is waning. Dating coach John Keegan explains that 'if the texting slows down significantly, it’s a strong indication that they’re heading toward ghosting or ending things.'
- John Keegan advises, 'If someone has ghosted you or isn’t replying, the best move is to stop texting them completely.'
She flirts with others. If she flirts with other people, whether openly or covertly, it may show a lack of consideration for your feelings. Trust is a key part of any relationship, and if she gives you reasons to doubt her, it could mean her affection for you is not genuine.
- If she often brings up past relationships instead of focusing on yours, it could indicate that she’s more invested in those relationships than in yours.
She invades your personal space or disregards your boundaries. Does she show up at your place without invitation, or snoop through your phone or personal belongings? If you set boundaries and she pressures you to ignore them, it might suggest she’s trying to control you under the guise of love.
- If she tries to access your phone or accounts without permission, take action by changing all your passwords and refusing to share them.
- If she tries to convince you to give up your plans, respond by saying something like, 'I understand that you're upset when I spend time with friends, but it's important for me to do so. We can talk about it later.'
She criticizes or belittles you. A loving partner wouldn’t constantly undermine you or hurt your self-esteem—that’s a form of verbal abuse. If she nitpicks everything you do or constantly makes you feel inferior, it might indicate that she doesn’t love or respect you.
- If you feel like you're in an abusive relationship, help is available—call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
What to Do If You Suspect She’s Faking Her Love
Trust your instincts. Expert Joshua Pompey advises that 'if something feels off, more often than not, there’s a reason for it.' If you suspect that your partner might be pretending to love you, trust your gut feeling and take the time to address it with her directly.
Talk openly about your feelings. Find a good time when you're both free and share your feelings honestly. Be transparent about your concerns and ask her directly how she views your relationship.
- If she expresses interest in a long-term relationship, reassure her that you still love and care for her, but explain your worries and how she can help.
- For example, you could say, 'I feel like I’m the only one making an effort, and it makes me feel like I’m doing all the work. I’d like us both to plan our dates.'
- Remember to use 'I' statements such as, 'I feel upset and neglected when we don’t make time to see each other. I’d love for us to schedule more quality time together.'
Seek advice from friends or family. Everyone’s relationship is unique, so sometimes it's helpful to talk to a close friend or family member about your concerns. They can provide guidance, perspective, and emotional support.
- If needed, consider reaching out to a couples counselor or therapist for additional professional advice.
Think about whether it's time to move on. If you’re unable to resolve the issues with your partner, or if they are unwilling to change, it may be time to end the relationship. Keep in mind that the decision should be based on what’s best for you, and don’t let anyone else sway you.
- When breaking up, try to focus on the issues within the relationship rather than criticizing the other person.
- Lean on supportive friends and family to help you through the tough times.
- Healing takes time, so be patient with yourself and allow yourself the space to process your emotions.
