Buzz
Keep an eye out for these subtle indicators that she may have an attraction to other women.
Perhaps your close friend is dating a guy, but you feel an undeniable spark between the two of you—or maybe you're questioning if the gorgeous woman you just met is flirting with you, or if it’s simply all in your head? We spoke with Dr. Marissa Floro, Ph.D., a psychologist and professor at Stanford University’s Weiland Health Initiative, to gain some perspective on potential signs a woman may be attracted to other women. While there’s no foolproof method to determine if someone is bisexual or gay, there are some subtle and obvious signs that might suggest she is more interested in women than either of you might have expected. Below are a few of them.
Key Points to Keep in Mind
- Pay attention to whether she seems drawn to other women or purposely places herself in their company.
- Engage her in casual conversation about her previous relationships or celebrity crushes to discover if she has ever been attracted to women.
- Observe if her body language becomes more open or expressive in the presence of other women, or if she locks eyes with them for an extended period.
Actions to Take
She displays clear attraction to women.
Noticing and commenting on other women’s looks might indicate attraction. Does she frequently point out women’s appearances and make comments that are sexual in nature? If she seems to generally admire women, including their physical appeal, there’s a possibility she’s bisexual—though it’s also possible she simply has a deep admiration for other women in a platonic way (we support a girl’s girl). Keep in mind that there are different types of attraction, such as:
- Romantic attraction: Wanting a romantic relationship with someone
- Sexual attraction: Wanting a sexual connection with someone
- Platonic attraction: Seeking friendship with someone
- Sensual attraction: Wanting physical closeness like cuddling and hugging
- Aesthetic attraction: Appreciating someone’s physical appearance
- Understand that she might be attracted to women without realizing she’s bisexual. Many women feel attraction toward other women but don’t label themselves as queer, which is not an uncommon experience.
She gives off a certain “vibe.”
Trust your instincts. While 'gaydar' might not be a scientific fact, your gut feeling sometimes senses when someone is attracted to another person. However, don’t rely solely on this, as instincts can be mistaken.
- Although intuition can be accurate, avoid assuming someone is bisexual just because they ‘seem’ that way: not fitting traditional ideas of ‘femininity’ doesn’t mean she’s straight—and likewise, acting very ‘feminine’ doesn’t necessarily mean she’s queer.
- Floro adds: "Some assumptions lead people to conform to [certain] gender and attraction stereotypes or binaries that many are trying to move beyond."
- Society often encourages emotional closeness between women, and for some, that can develop into attraction. Recognize that sexuality can be fluid, especially for women.
- Platonic relationships between women can sometimes appear romantic because they often involve more emotional and physical intimacy than friendships between men.
She avoids discussing her past relationships.
If she’s private about her sexuality, she may not share details about her past relationships. Some bisexual women are open about their sexual orientation, while others prefer to keep it private. If she avoids discussing her past relationships, it could be a sign—though not definitive—that she is attracted to women and chooses to keep it to herself.
- Alternatively, if she does talk about previous partners, pay attention to the pronouns she uses to refer to them: "My last partner loved New York, so we went there for her birthday."
- Remember that having dated or currently dating a man doesn’t exclude her from being bisexual, and she doesn’t need to have had a romantic relationship with a woman to identify as bisexual.
- At the same time, a lack of relationship history or reluctance to discuss past relationships doesn’t automatically mean she’s interested in women—she could just be private or not focused on dating.
Her celebrity crushes are women.
Having a crush on famous women may suggest she’s not fully straight. Ask her which celebrity she admires, and see if she mentions a woman. Or directly inquire about which female celebrity she finds most attractive, and listen to her reasons.
- Understand the distinction between bisexuality and sexual openness. Someone can be open to certain sexual experiences without necessarily identifying with a specific sexual orientation.
She’s deeply involved in LGBTQ spaces.
Being an active participant in LGBTQ culture could suggest she isn’t straight. Does she attend Pride every year without fail? Does she share posts from gay celebrities regularly? Does she spend time at gay bars? Advocacy and engagement with the queer community don’t automatically mean someone is queer themselves, but it’s a strong possibility.
- If you can, observe how many of her friends identify as queer as well—while it’s not a guarantee that she’s bisexual, it might offer a clue.
- Floro suggests casually dropping hints in conversation, like, "Have you ever been to that known lesbian bar or that area where queer folks hang out?" If she says no, it doesn’t rule out that she’s bisexual, but if she says yes, there’s a good chance she is.
She exhibits open body language when around women.
Her posture and movements may give clues about her attraction. Observe her body language when she’s with other women: does she seem excited or a bit nervous? Does she gravitate toward certain women and adopt open body language? If she’s attracted to a woman, she might angle her body toward her, leave her arms uncrossed, and make prolonged eye contact.
- What’s her mood like when she sees you or other women? If she appears excited, beaming with happiness, and smiles frequently, that’s a positive sign.
- If she shows signs of jealousy when you or other women interact with other people, it could be an indication of interest.
- Does she try to get you alone or only hang out with you when other friends are present? If she’s always trying to be alone with you, it might suggest she’s attracted to you.
- Pay attention to her tone and voice modulation. Women often speak with a rising tone at the end of a sentence when conversing with friends, but some women do this when they’re flirting as well.
She directly tells you she identifies as bi.
Ultimately, the only person who knows her sexuality for sure is her. It’s a straightforward answer, but worth stating: if she tells you she’s bisexual, it’s likely she is. There could be various signs that suggest she’s attracted to women, and you might have a hunch, but none of these hints matter unless she herself identifies as bisexual.
- If you feel comfortable, you could ask, “How do you identify?” Just make sure to gauge the situation before probing into someone’s sexuality, as it might not always be appropriate or safe.
- If you are queer yourself, revealing that (if you’re comfortable) might encourage her to share how she identifies as well.
- If you’re queer but don’t want to disclose it directly, you can drop hints by mentioning something like, “My ex-girlfriend and I broke up because…”
-
Remember—while things are improving, it’s still challenging for some individuals to openly acknowledge their bisexuality to family, friends, or even to themselves.
-
Consider whether it’s your place to know. Sexuality is deeply personal. If you're romantically interested in her, that's one thing; if you're just curious, that’s another.
-
Avoid rushing to label someone. Labels often fail to capture the full complexity of a person’s identity.
