Buzz
Discover whether you're in a casual fling or a serious relationship with our expert guidance.
Figuring out your relationship status can sometimes feel as difficult as solving a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. But don’t worry – we’re here to guide you through identifying whether you’re in a fling, and offer advice on how to turn things into a committed relationship if that's what you’re after. Keep reading to uncover the signs and learn more!
Important Things to Understand
- In a fling, your partner may shy away from commitment, while a real relationship involves making plans to spend more time together.
- A fling partner might focus more on the physical side of things rather than building an emotional connection and may show little interest in knowing you beyond surface level.
- Unlike a serious relationship, someone in a fling is less likely to introduce you to their family or include you in other parts of their life outside of the physical connection.
Next Steps
Fling: They refuse to commit.
Relationship: You and your partner are exclusive. If you’ve been spending time together for months, but whenever the topic of defining your relationship comes up, they steer the conversation away, it’s likely they don’t want to make things official. They prefer to keep things casual and non-committal.
- Always remember that you deserve to be valued and appreciated. If a fling doesn’t feel fulfilling, don’t hesitate to share your feelings and move on if needed—you’re amazing!
- In a committed relationship, both partners typically agree on the label (partner, girlfriend, boyfriend) early on. A fling partner might avoid this conversation altogether.
- A fling can evolve into a real relationship when both partners are open and honest about their desires. If you’re ready for something official, share your feelings and see if your partner is on the same page.
Fling: They won’t include you in their close circle.
Relationship: They introduce you to their friends and family. One sign that things are getting serious is when your partner is eager to introduce you to their friends and family. People who want a long-term relationship are generally open to having their loved ones meet you.
- On the other hand, someone in a fling might avoid introducing you to their circle because they want to keep things simple and avoid complications. This is often referred to as “pocketing.”
- Keep in mind that your partner might have a challenging relationship with their family and prefer not to subject you to any negativity or harsh judgments.
- If you’d like to meet your partner’s family, don’t be afraid to ask in a kind way! You could say something like, “I’d love to meet the people who helped shape you into the wonderful person you are.”
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 933 Mytour readers who have been in a fling or situationship, and only 11% said they realized they were in a fling because their partner hasn’t introduced them to friends and family. [Take Poll] While this is a common red flag, there could be other reasons for the lack of introductions. Be sure to communicate your feelings before jumping to conclusions.
Fling: It’s all about the physical connection.
Relationship: You share both emotional and physical closeness. A committed relationship involves both emotional and physical intimacy, while a fling tends to focus primarily on the physical aspect. Flings usually highlight physical attraction rather than emotional compatibility.
- If your partner shows little interest in understanding you beyond the physical, it's likely a fling.
- For many, physical intimacy is easier to navigate than emotional connections due to fear of rejection. If you're seeking something more serious, try inviting your partner on a date to talk, like visiting a museum.
Fling: You’re the one making the effort to reach out.
Relationship: You stay connected throughout the day. After a great night together, the silence can be deafening—why aren’t they reaching out? Someone in a fling may only contact you for physical reasons and may not try to build a deeper connection with you.
- For example, a partner in a fling rarely texts to hang out unless it's for a hookup. On the other hand, someone in a real relationship will be there for you when you need them, not just when it’s convenient for them.
- If you find yourself always reaching out, but your partner consistently ignores you or makes you feel unimportant, it might be time to move on. You deserve someone who truly values you—don’t settle for less.
Fling: You only meet up on their terms.
Relationship: You prioritize spending time together. If you’re busy or tired, but your partner only contacts you at the last minute, it could be a sign they’re just after a hookup and aren’t willing to make any compromises for your sake.
- If your partner only meets you at specific times or locations and refuses to publicly show affection, they might be seeing other people and want to keep things secret.
- This may also apply if your partner refuses to follow you on social media.
- If this makes you uncomfortable, consider asking if they’re seeing others and express your desire for exclusivity in the relationship.
Fling: They’ve recently ended a relationship.
Relationship: Both of you are ready for a commitment. A partner in a fling may be rebounding from a previous serious relationship. While it’s possible to form a meaningful connection soon after a breakup, many quick relationships formed right after a breakup are often just “rebound flings.”
- Sadly, when someone has gone through a tough breakup, they may seek validation from others, leading to flings that are unlikely to turn into lasting relationships.
- If your partner contacted you soon after ending a long-term relationship, they may be looking for something casual and may not be emotionally prepared for a serious commitment.
- If you're unsure whether you’re in a fling, ask your partner about their feelings toward moving forward with the relationship. Though it might be difficult to hear if they’re not ready, it will provide clarity and allow you to make a well-informed decision about whether to stay or move on.
Fling: You don’t discuss a shared future.
Relationship: You share future plans and goals. Making plans together for the future is a sign of a strong relationship. If your partner avoids discussing the future or only makes plans for themselves, it could indicate you’re in a fling.
- If your partner says something like, “I can’t wait to book a trip to Greece,” but doesn’t ask if you’d want to join them, they probably view you as a casual fling.
- If commitment isn’t your priority, and you’re not worried about long-term plans, flings can be a good way to enjoy a romantic connection without the expectations of a relationship. Trust your instincts and choose what feels right for you!
EXPERT TIP
John Keegan
Expert in Relationships
Expert in Relationships
Setting clear expectations is crucial for a successful relationship. It's important to find a partner who shares your understanding of what commitment means and looks like.
Fling: Conversations stay on the surface.
Relationship: You engage in meaningful, in-depth conversations. People interested in developing a long-term relationship often strive to know every detail about each other. In contrast, a fling is characterized by shallow conversations and a focus on physical interaction rather than emotional connection.
- If you ask a partner in a fling about their day, they might respond with brief answers like “good” rather than engaging in a deeper discussion.
- If you want to transition from a fling to a relationship, express your desire to get to know them more deeply. If they resist or dodge this effort, they’re likely only interested in keeping things casual.
Fling: They’re a player.
Relationship: You share a foundation of trust and mutual respect. Players are often charming and can easily win you over! While being romantically and sexually experienced isn’t inherently wrong, someone with a history of flings may be more inclined to continue those casual connections rather than commit to something serious.
- Although the saying goes that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, that’s not always the case. Many individuals go through multiple flings before meeting the right person to settle down with.
- Ask yourself questions like, “Does my partner make me feel valued?” or, “Is my partner constantly looking around at others?” to help you figure out if they’re playing games with you.
Join the Discussion...
I often hear people refer to their relationships as "casual" and see others on apps seeking something "casual.” It seems like something I could get behind, but I’m not fully sure what it entails. Some people seem to define it in various ways, such as friends with benefits or situationships. So, what does a "casual relationship" mean to you? How do you make a casual relationship work?
The definition of a "casual relationship" can vary from person to person and relationship to relationship, but in general, it refers to a situation where neither partner is deeply committed to the other. You may choose to be exclusive or not, but in any case, you're not in a committed relationship, and neither of you should expect to be.
Situationships and friends-with-benefits are often categorized as types of casual relationships. Friends-with-benefits relationships usually involve more communication and set boundaries, while in a situationship, expectations are often unclear, and you might not know where you stand with your partner.
The key to a successful casual relationship is establishing clear expectations with your partner upfront and checking in with each other periodically to ensure neither of you is developing feelings or becoming uncomfortable with the arrangement.
Situationships and friends-with-benefits are often categorized as types of casual relationships. Friends-with-benefits relationships usually involve more communication and set boundaries, while in a situationship, expectations are often unclear, and you might not know where you stand with your partner.
The key to a successful casual relationship is establishing clear expectations with your partner upfront and checking in with each other periodically to ensure neither of you is developing feelings or becoming uncomfortable with the arrangement.
Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Marriage & Family Therapist
Regardless of the terms used, it’s essential to be open and honest about what you hope to get out of a relationship. The challenge comes when you're not sure what you want yourself. You may have initially been interested in something casual, but as time passes, your feelings might intensify, and you might start desiring a more committed, long-term relationship.
Although it can be difficult, it's healthier to communicate your desires rather than suppress them. Hiding your feelings to avoid potential conflict or rejection can ultimately hurt your chances of finding happiness, whether you're seeking something more serious or prefer to keep things casual.
Although it can be difficult, it's healthier to communicate your desires rather than suppress them. Hiding your feelings to avoid potential conflict or rejection can ultimately hurt your chances of finding happiness, whether you're seeking something more serious or prefer to keep things casual.
See all 4 Replies and
Read Discussion-
A fling is distinct from a love affair in that one participant in a love affair is in a committed relationship, leaving the other person unaware of the situation.
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Having a fling is just as legitimate as being in a relationship. You are entitled to pursue the type of partnership that suits you best!
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Remember, there are always exceptions to the general patterns. Other unknown factors might explain why your relationship isn't progressing beyond the fling stage if that's what you're looking for.
