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As humans, it’s part of our nature to resist major changes, often fearing the unknown they bring. The "anticipatory anxiety" we feel during significant life changes can leave us feeling emotionally stuck. To navigate changes, it's essential to accept what’s beyond our control and shift focus to how we adapt internally to the new circumstances. Keep in mind that fear of change doesn’t imply that change is inherently negative — what initially seems intimidating may actually lead to something better. A helpful principle to remember is the old hippie saying: "Don’t knock it until you have tried it."
Steps
Embracing Change
Understand that change is a constant part of life. Changes occur regularly, even when we don’t notice them. For example, a long-established shop might close down, or an old building might be torn down to make way for a new road. More personally, you could face a serious illness, a divorce, or the birth of a child. Life coach Leah Morris points out that our values evolve as we change. Life is in constant motion, and we are not meant to remain stagnant; change is an inherent part of our existence, whether we welcome it or not.
- You’ve probably found yourself, while watching a sunset, seeing your children joyfully open Christmas presents, or experiencing another happy moment, thinking “I wish this could last forever.” Yet, without change, those special moments wouldn’t exist. Change is both unavoidable and necessary.
Anticipate internal resistance to change. Along with the acceptance that change is inevitable, you must also recognize that, initially, you’ll likely experience some level of resistance to most changes. This instinctual response isn’t a reflection of whether the change will be positive or negative; it's simply a natural human reaction to unfamiliarity.
- Some changes will present challenges. For instance, you might change jobs or be forced to relocate. These challenges offer you a choice: to either rise to the occasion or let fear overwhelm you. If you allow your initial hesitation to turn into anxiety, you may end up overwhelmed. However, if you push through the resistance and embrace the change as a new journey, you might find yourself happier and more fulfilled in the end.
Examine the situation. While detaching emotionally from life changes may not be possible, taking a step back and evaluating the situation from a distance can provide clarity. Writing down exactly what has changed and its effects on you can be a helpful exercise. (Journaling is also an excellent way to process your emotions, whether you’re dealing with major life changes or not.)
- Once you have a clear understanding of what you’re facing, you can create coping strategies tailored to the situation.
- For example, if your neighbors move out and new people move in, you might feel uncertain or even distrustful. However, when viewed rationally, it’s entirely possible that you’ll get along better with the new neighbors; as Jim Reeves once sang, “A stranger is just a friend you do not know."
Identify what you can and cannot control. Many life changes are completely beyond your control, from the passing of a loved one to unexpected job cuts. Even when you have some level of control — such as choosing a house in a new city — you still cannot control the larger life change. However, you always have the power to control your reaction to it.
- The key to embracing change is to remain open-minded and accept things as they come. Change will happen whether you like it or not; you cannot stop it. What you can control, however, is how you choose to respond to it, and that can be a powerful tool for positive transformation.
Practice patience, not passivity. The idea of accepting change may give the impression that you should just surrender and let life unfold around you. Remember, though, that there’s a significant difference between patience and passivity. You can wait patiently for change while also actively seeking ways to adapt to new circumstances (emotionally and otherwise).
- Changes will happen, and initially, you may resist them. You cannot control the changes or your first reaction to them. However, you have the power to shape your overall response to change. This requires an active effort on your part.
- Understand that some changes will be entirely unexpected. Embrace these changes as a new chapter in your life, an opportunity to gain new experiences, meet new people, discover new places, and learn new skills.
It's okay to feel homesick. "Moving to the United States was a huge change, and I often felt homesick and sad. This pushed me to seek out community among people who were similar to me, but it took time. I learned that feeling homesick was normal, and I could actively pursue opportunities, like searching online for groups to join, that would help me build a new home here." - Melody, a U.S. resident for 5 years
Adapting to Change
Allow yourself time to adjust. Major life events, such as a car crash or winning the lottery, can seem to happen suddenly, but the process of adapting to them will take time. Consider a big life change like stepping into a cold pool. Initially, the water is uncomfortably cold, and you want to quickly get out. However, with time, you'll acclimate to the change and find yourself comfortably swimming or wading.
- Major transitions require a “psychological transformation” on your part, and like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, this transformation isn’t instantaneous. Picture each phase of your metamorphosis and imagine the moment when you’ll have fully adjusted to your new reality.
Concentrate on the small, present moments. While visualizing the bigger picture and imagining yourself successfully adjusted to the major life change is important, it’s equally crucial to focus your attention on the immediate steps of the process. Acknowledge that you are in the middle of adapting to the new reality and keep track of both your progress and obstacles.
- For example, if your beloved pet has passed away, try not to obsess over the question, “When will I get over this?”. Instead, focus on the smaller steps of the adjustment process: putting away their dish, leash, and toys; walking past the dog park without breaking down; and eventually feeling the inclination to visit the puppies at the shelter.
Embrace setbacks and false starts. Adjusting to change isn’t a straightforward journey. There will be times when you take two steps forward, and one step back — and that’s completely normal. Don’t be overly critical of yourself for missteps or setbacks; instead, focus on the positive progress you’ve made and will continue to make.
- For example, if your fiancé leaves you heartbroken, don’t be surprised if your first attempts at dating again don’t go smoothly. And don’t be too hard on yourself if you find yourself crying while holding onto a meaningful keepsake. As long as you're still making progress in your healing journey, remind yourself that you're doing well.
Define your strategies. While there are broad concepts to consider when facing any major life change, specific strategies should be applied depending on the nature of the change. For example:
- If you're starting a new job, try to focus on completing tasks that match your existing skill set (this will help you feel good about doing them well) and take the opportunity to connect with your new colleagues.
- If you're dealing with a serious illness, allow yourself to grieve the losses — be it your independence, certain abilities, or your long-term outlook — but also recognize the healing power of laughter and a supportive friend.
- If you're moving to a new city, treat it like an exciting adventure. Research your new home, plan your “exploration,” and engage with locals for advice on the best places to eat, play, and live.
Enhance your sense of control through small actions. Seeking out opportunities to regain control can aid in adjusting to change. Reflect on the small aspects of your day-to-day life that you can influence, such as your meals or your weekend plans.
- Additionally, find ways to feel more empowered by the changes happening around you. If, for instance, you’re relocating to a new place, research as much as possible about the area before you move. Look into local stores, activities, and anything else that will help you ease into your new environment.
Don’t let fear drive your decisions. Change can be intimidating, but it’s crucial not to let fear influence your choices. Confront your fears about upcoming changes, rather than avoiding them.
- If, for example, you’re anxious about moving to a new city for your dream job, remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel this way. However, the fear of the unknown shouldn’t stop you from making the move.
- Make a list of your fears surrounding the changes you’re facing. Then, review the list and ask yourself if there are things you can do to address these fears. For instance, if you’re scared of moving to a new city because you think you’ll be lonely, start searching for social opportunities, like a special interest group. You might join a running club if you enjoy running, a knitting circle if that’s your thing, or a church if you’re religious.
Seeking Support
Embrace gratitude. During significant changes, such as a job loss or the end of a long-term relationship, it can feel like everything is falling apart. In these tough times, it’s even more important to stop and appreciate the good things (and people) in your life. Life coach Leah Morris also advises finding positives within these stressful emotions.
- Remember, things could always be worse. Yes, your car was repossessed, but at least you can borrow your parents' clunky Oldsmobile. Your boyfriend may have cheated on you and left, but at least he didn’t try to take the cat!
- However, don’t solely focus on the “it could always be worse” perspective. Be sure to also recognize and express gratitude for the genuinely good and supportive aspects of your life. Things like your good health, cozy apartment, and always-optimistic Aunt Sylvia deserve your appreciation.
Look for familiar comforts. When life feels overwhelming, find comfort in familiar places, people, or activities. These anchors can remind you that not everything in your world has changed. Use them to ground yourself as you navigate the uncertainties around you.
- Consider visiting Grandma’s house for a meal, re-reading a beloved book, or flipping through your old baseball card collection. Spend a “sick day” with your best friend from childhood, doing nothing but enjoying each other’s company.
Reach out to someone you trust. Life coach Leah Morris emphasizes the importance of having a solid support network. We all face significant life transitions, and no one should navigate them in isolation. While jotting down your emotions can help, expressing them to someone who listens with compassion can be even more beneficial.
- Get in touch with a friend or family member who is a good listener and with whom you feel comfortable sharing personal thoughts. You might say, “I’ve been going through a lot lately with the loss of Spot, moving to the city, or changes at work. Would it be okay to talk for a few minutes?”
- While you could have an impromptu chat, it might be more useful to schedule a time when you can talk without interruptions or distractions.
Control your stress levels. Major life changes can inevitably heighten your stress, and not everyone reacts to stress in the same way. A manageable amount of stress can be beneficial, pushing you to adapt effectively, but too much chronic stress can harm your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. To navigate life changes successfully, you need to manage the stress that often comes with them.
- Stress can manifest in many ways, such as difficulty focusing or even heart palpitations. There are various ways to manage stress, including healthy habits like eating, sleeping, and exercising, as well as mindfulness techniques or engaging in enjoyable activities. For more on stress symptoms and how to manage them, check out the section on Control Stress.
Seek professional assistance if needed. If you find yourself struggling to cope with the changes in your life, or if your emotional response feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek help from a professional. Mental health experts can assist you in understanding, accepting, and adjusting to the changes you're facing.
- If you're feeling overwhelmed and need immediate assistance, consider calling or texting a mental health hotline (like 988 in the U.S. for the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). Alternatively, you can contact emergency services by calling 911 or the appropriate emergency number in your country.
