Buzz
The ache of rejection. Protecting her from the discomfort of having to turn you down. Preventing her from being intimidated by a gesture that feels too bold. These are all valid reasons to take a subtle approach when you want to show a girl that you care. Fortunately, there are ways to hint at your feelings without crossing any lines. By understanding how to flirt, communicating with your actions rather than words, and knowing when to pull back, you can let her know you like her without making things awkward for either of you.
Steps
Subtle Flirting
Start with something light and casual. Don't try too hard to be profound or clever. Instead, show her you're interested in talking to her. Approach the conversation just like you would with anyone else. Use whatever context you're in to kick things off. For example, you might:
- Ask a simple favor, like: “Hey, could you show me your laptop? I’m looking for a new one,” or “What just happened onscreen? I looked away for one second and missed it.”
- Inquire about something that's relevant. For instance: “What did you think of that band that just played?” or “I like those patches on your bag. Where’d you get them?”
- Make a casual comment like: “I don’t know about you, but I think I’m freezing in here,” or “That had to be the most ridiculous fight I’ve ever seen.”
Engage in active listening. Being an attentive listener is key in relationships. Active listening allows you to better understand what someone is saying and helps the other person feel heard. Make a conscious effort to practice this when she speaks. Here are a few tips:
- Maintain eye contact and face her. Avoid looking at your phone or scanning the room while she's talking.
- Give nods and use affirming words like “yes,” “uh-huh,” “I see,” and “go on.”
- Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing and show genuine interest, like “What happened next?” “How did that make you feel?” and “What’s your next step?”
- Clarify her statements if needed, for example, by asking, "It seems like you're saying _____. Is that right?" or "What do you mean when you say ____?"
- Eliminating distractions is important, but other cues like eye contact and thoughtful questions might leave a stronger impression.
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 491 Mytour readers, and only 8% agreed that the best way to show you’re actively listening is by removing distractions.
Let her guide the conversation. Once the discussion begins, allow her to take the lead. Respond to her statements and ask follow-up questions to get to know her better. Show her you're genuinely curious about what she has to say.
- When she tells a story, ask what happened next. Or ask for more details on a specific moment to better understand the context.
- If she shares her opinion, inquire about how she arrived at that conclusion.
- Share your own stories and opinions, but always connect them back to something she said. For instance, if she mentions being afraid of the ocean, don’t boast about your shark encounter—use that moment to demonstrate empathy for her fear.
Be truthful. Avoid pretending to be someone you’re not, or using tactics that go against your true self. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you. Instead, let her see the real you. Don’t mislead her in the long run.
- Don’t fake enthusiasm for something you have no interest in. For example, don’t pretend to enjoy football just to fit in at a Super Bowl party.
- If you're not ready to open up about certain things, it's okay to leave them unsaid. For example, if you’re embarrassed about your poetry hobby, don’t make her think you dislike it.
Build a sense of closeness. “Intimacy” doesn’t always mean romance. It’s about creating a special bond that she can’t easily form with others. Make her feel valued by creating a unique connection between you both. Incorporate your surroundings and shared moments into this bond. For example:
Give her a personalized nickname. Create a fun nickname for her based on something unique about her personality. For example, call her “Hermione” if she’s always sharing interesting facts. Try “Furiosa” if she’s passionate about cars, sports, or has a bold personality. Maybe “Slick” if she’s a little clumsy. But ensure she finds it playful, and stop if she doesn’t enjoy it.
Develop inside jokes. Playfully joke about your environment, other people, or even each other. For instance, if you both meet someone with a name that sounds like a character from an action movie, you could say, 'Whenever we get stuck in a tough spot, like a flat tire or lost, we can yell, “Jack Gunner, come save us!”'
Share a “secret” with her. Create a moment where you ‘confide’ in her, even if it’s not really a secret. For example, at a Super Bowl party, if you're not a football fan, you could lean in, lower your voice, and whisper something like, 'I really don’t get this game, but don’t tell anyone!' Make her feel as though you’re sharing something exclusive between the two of you, even if it’s all in fun.
Expressing Interest Through Actions
Involve her in your plans. Let her know that any activity is more enjoyable when she’s part of it. Invite her whenever you make plans to go out. Whether you’re going with a group of friends or just the two of you, make her feel included. You can even work her into your conversation by mentioning things she enjoys. For example, you could say, "Hey Ted, did you know Karen is also obsessed with that new video game? She’s already on level 5!"
Give her ample time to plan if necessary. If you're planning to attend an event that requires tickets, travel, or permission, don’t leave it to the last minute. Give her a heads-up so she can make arrangements. For instance, you could say, “Hey, my friends and I are thinking of going to see the Rock’s new movie at that theater in Brockport next Friday. Would you be interested in joining us?”
Get her a ticket anyway. If your plans came together last minute, why not surprise her with a ticket? Only do this if it’s within your budget or if you have a backup plan in case she can’t attend. Casually offer it to her like this: 'Hey, I was buying tickets last night, and they were selling out fast. I couldn’t reach you in time, so I grabbed one for you just in case. No big deal if you can’t make it.'
Look into her eyes. Avoid looking elsewhere when you're having a conversation. Show her you're genuinely interested by giving her your full attention. Strong eye contact is key, but don't overdo it and make her feel uncomfortable. Instead:
- When she’s talking, maintain eye contact to show you're listening.
- When it's your turn to speak, look away to gather your thoughts.
- Look her in the eyes again when you’re ready to respond.
- This shows her you’re drawn to her, which is far more flattering than staring without blinking.
Initiate light physical contact. Deepen the connection between you two by casually touching her. Start by standing close, so you can touch without effort. If she’s comfortable with the proximity, you can make light touches as you converse. For example:
- If you’re in a crowded place, lean into her when people brush by, and joke, 'I should've brought mints!'
- Touch her arm, hand, or shoulder when a new thought occurs to you: 'Oh, I forgot to tell you...'
- Playfully nudge her to emphasize a point or tease her: 'I bet you loved that shot of Ewan McGregor’s butt, huh?'
Hug her. When you’re comfortable with physical contact, take it a step further with hugs or even kisses. If she's receptive, don’t hold back. Show her affection in a direct but caring way. For instance:
- If she’s feeling down, offer a one-armed hug and give her a soft kiss on the top of her head.
- If it’s been a while, greet her with open arms: 'There you are!' Or, pretend it's been forever even if it’s just been a few minutes.
- If she looks great, take her hand, bow, and kiss the top of it, complimenting how stunning she looks.
- Instead of saying goodbye, just give her a warm hug at the end of the night.
Show support for her passions. Participate in the activities she’s passionate about, such as attending her sports games, concerts, plays, or recitals. Share posts, memes, and stories that you think she’d enjoy. Interact with her social media posts by liking or commenting, but be sincere and avoid overdoing it. Don’t let her think you're just liking things for the sake of it.
Take her suggestions to heart. When she recommends a band, show, book, or anything else, give it a shot. This is a chance to show that you value her opinion. It’s also a great way to learn more about what she enjoys, giving you more to talk about. That said, don’t feel pressured to like everything she does. Be authentic, share your thoughts, and express your honest feelings about it.
Giving Space and Not Overdoing It
Give her just the right amount of attention. Even though you may hope she becomes your girlfriend someday, you're not there yet. For now, treat her with the same level of attention you’d give to any other girl or friend. Focus on quality time over the quantity of time spent together.
Be mindful with your gifts. Save your presents for special occasions like her birthday or holidays. Use these moments to get her something meaningful—something personal based on inside jokes or what you know she’ll love. Don’t overwhelm her with gifts like flowers every Friday or chocolates every Monday.
Don’t just show up unexpectedly. Always make plans ahead of time when you want to hang out. Surprising her by showing up uninvited can put her in an awkward position. The only time it’s okay to surprise her is if you’re part of a bigger event, like a concert or a play she’s involved in.
Stay active in other areas of your life. Make it known that she needs to fit into your schedule. Don’t let her see that you’ve pushed aside your friends, family, or personal interests. If you already have plans with others, stick to them.
Match the tone and length of her messages. Pay attention to how long her messages are whenever she reaches out. When you reply, try to keep your responses the same length or even shorter. Resist the urge to send long messages—keep it simple to avoid overwhelming her.
- Also observe how often she texts. Aim to match her texting frequency.
- Send occasional random texts, calls, or emails to show you’re thinking of her, but don’t overdo it to the point where it comes off as clingy.
Be patient while waiting for her responses. Keep in mind that she has other things happening in her life. Relax and give her the time she needs to get back to you—whether it’s in a few hours or even a couple of days. Show respect for the fact that she has other priorities.
- Don’t keep following up with calls or messages to check if she saw your previous one.
- If she doesn’t respond before you see her again, just let it go without bringing it up.
- Remember, calling her out for not replying will only harm your chances with her.
