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Build trust and foster understanding with our expert advice. Respect is fundamental in any relationship, but over time, it can start to diminish. If you and your partner are both committed to making things better, there is hope. If you feel that your partner is losing respect for you, demonstrating responsibility, reliability, and trustworthiness can help repair the damage. However, it's crucial to stand your ground and establish healthy boundaries if you feel disrespected. Respect should be mutual, so be sure to reassess your own attitude towards your partner if you notice your respect for them waning.
Essential Things to Keep in Mind
- Take responsibility for your actions by owning up to your mistakes and offering a heartfelt apology. Denying or shifting blame can break trust.
- Prove you're reliable by sticking to your promises. For example, if you commit to being home on time, make sure to follow through.
- Open up and be vulnerable by sharing your true feelings with your partner. This shows them that you trust them with your emotional side.
Steps to Rebuild Respect
Earning Your Partner’s Respect
Understand that you can't control your partner’s feelings. While there are actions you can take to earn respect, how your partner feels about you is ultimately their choice. Before starting to rebuild respect, remember that you can only change your own behavior.
- Avoid blaming either yourself or your partner for the loss of respect. Focus instead on what you can do to improve your actions.
Tip: Realizing that you can't control your partner doesn't mean you should tolerate abusive or continuous disrespect. If your partner refuses to treat you well or honor your boundaries, it might be time to end the relationship.
Take responsibility for your mistakes and flaws. Even with the best intentions, mistakes will happen in a relationship. When they do, don’t deny, minimize, or shift the blame. Instead, admit your error and apologize sincerely to your partner, assuring them that you'll work to avoid repeating the behavior.
- For example, say: “I’m sorry I was late picking you up today, I know that frustrates you. I’ll leave earlier next time.”
- A genuine apology should begin with “I’m sorry I . . .” instead of “I’m sorry you . . .” or “I’m sorry, but . . .”
Demonstrate that you are dependable and trustworthy. Your partner will be more likely to respect you if they can rely on your responsibility and honesty. Earn their trust by keeping your promises and admitting mistakes if you fail to follow through.
- For example, if you promise to be home at a certain time, make sure you’re there. If something delays you, call your partner right away to inform them.
- Be honest by owning up to mistakes instead of waiting for your partner to discover them. For instance, say: “I know I said I wouldn’t drink tonight, but I ended up having a couple of beers with my friend. I’m sorry.”
Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings. Many relationship issues stem from poor communication. It's possible that your partner doesn’t even realize their behavior feels disrespectful to you. Take the time to sit down with your partner when you're both calm and express how you're feeling and how their actions affect you. Be sure to actively listen to their side as well.
- Use “I” statements to express your feelings in a way that minimizes defensiveness. For instance, “I feel lonely when you’re always on your phone when we’re together. I feel like I’m not a priority.”
- Avoid accusatory language or sweeping generalizations like “You never spend time with me” or “You’re so selfish!”
- Reader Poll: We surveyed 135 Mytour readers who have faced relationship conflicts, and 54% of them said that the key to rebuilding trust is open and honest communication. [Take Poll]
Allow yourself to be vulnerable with them. Being emotionally open and honest can help your partner better understand you, deepening the connection and mutual respect. Share your feelings, dreams, fears, and hopes with your partner.
- If something is bothering you and your partner notices, resist the urge to say “I’m fine.” Instead, be open about what's troubling you. They’ll appreciate your trust in them.
- Don't forget to share your positive emotions as well. Let your partner know how much you love and appreciate them.
- Though emotional vulnerability might seem like a weakness, it actually requires great courage and strength to be open in this way.
Enforce your boundaries with your partner. Boundaries are a crucial part of any healthy relationship. If your partner has become accustomed to behaviors that make you uncomfortable or feel disrespected, it’s time to set clear limits on what’s acceptable. Communicate your boundaries clearly and explain what the consequences will be if they’re not respected.
- For example, you might say: “When you go through my texts, it makes me feel violated and untrusted. If you continue to invade my privacy, I may have to move out.”
- Be sure to follow through with the consequences you’ve set; otherwise, your partner may not take your boundaries seriously.
Restoring Your Respect for Your Partner
Make a conscious decision to start respecting them again. If you’ve lost respect for someone, only you can choose to restore it. Remind yourself that while your feelings about your partner may be influenced by their actions, ultimately, those feelings are within your control. Decide to approach your partner with more empathy and respect.
- Tell yourself: “My partner is just as deserving of respect as I am. I’m choosing to treat them with the respect they deserve.”
- It’s natural to feel frustration toward your partner at times, but try to refocus your thoughts so that you’re critical of their actions, not their character. For instance, instead of thinking “He’s so lazy,” shift it to “I’m frustrated when he leaves his dirty dishes around.”
Practice compassion meditation to cultivate more compassion for your partner. Compassion meditation is a practice that can enhance your empathy and kindness toward others, including yourself. If you notice feelings of resentment or anger toward your partner, take a few moments in a quiet space to breathe deeply. Focus on generating feelings of positivity, warmth, and kindness, imagining those emotions extending from you and surrounding your partner.
- As you reflect on your partner, silently recite a compassionate mantra to yourself, such as: “May you be happy. May you be free from pain. May you experience peace and joy.”
Write down a list of qualities you admire about them. In any relationship, there are likely qualities you admire and respect in your partner. Reconnecting with these attributes can help you restore your respect. Take some time to jot down the things you appreciate about them and keep the list in a place you can revisit, such as in your nightstand drawer or a personal journal.
- For example, you might note things like, “She’s wonderful with the children,” or “He’s incredibly creative.”
Tip: Even when you’re feeling frustrated or upset with your partner, make an effort to express appreciation for the positive things they do. For instance, say, “I really value how hard you work.” Acknowledging and appreciating your partner will help strengthen your relationship and foster goodwill.
Listen to them with an open heart and mind. Truly listening is essential to respect and a healthy relationship. When you’re in a conversation with your partner, give them your full attention. Resist the impulse to prepare your response or get defensive right away. Focus solely on listening to understand their perspective before you speak.
- Avoid interrupting your partner while they speak. Let them finish before you respond.
- If something is unclear, ask for clarification. This shows you are engaged and care about what they have to say.
Acknowledge and validate their emotions. Even if you disagree with your partner or think they are overreacting, it’s crucial to recognize their emotions and respect their right to feel as they do. By honoring their feelings rather than dismissing or belittling them, you encourage your partner to offer the same respect to you.
- For example, say something like, “I can see that you’re really upset with me right now.”
- Avoid making dismissive remarks such as “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’re overreacting. Just relax!”
Try to see things from their perspective. Developing empathy can help you respect your partner as an individual. If your partner does something that frustrates you, avoid immediately assuming that their actions are intentionally hurtful or that there’s something inherently wrong with them. Instead, try to understand their feelings and what might have influenced their behavior.
- For instance, if your partner often leaves dishes out, consider that they might be exhausted from work or occupied with family responsibilities.
- Keep in mind that you can’t truly know what your partner is thinking or feeling unless you communicate with them. Gently ask and show concern by saying something like, “You’ve seemed tired lately. How’s work going?”
Respect their personal boundaries. Just as it’s important for your partner to respect your boundaries, it’s equally crucial that you respect theirs. If your partner expresses discomfort with something you’re doing, avoid being defensive or dismissive. Instead, focus on honoring their feelings and preferences.
- For example, if your girlfriend mentions that she dislikes you calling her at work, you might choose to only contact her there if it’s an emergency.
- If you're unsure about your partner's boundaries, simply ask. Don’t assume you know what they need or want!
Treat your partner the way they wish to be treated. You’ve likely heard of the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would want to be treated. However, to show your partner true respect—and encourage them to do the same for you—practice the Platinum Rule. This means you treat them in the way they prefer, even if it’s different from how you would want to be treated yourself.
- For instance, maybe you prefer getting advice when faced with a problem, but your partner just wants to vent and be heard. Resist the urge to solve their problems right away, even though that’s what you would appreciate. Instead, simply listen and show support.
