Buzz
Few experiences make you feel as isolated and hurt as being suppressed, especially when this happens within your own home. Unfortunately, you can’t change your parents' attitudes or the criticisms they direct at you, but you can change how you react. Don’t worry – we’ve gathered advice, tips, and strategies to help you breathe easier in these situations.
Steps
Find a safe space.
Find a place where you can completely avoid your parents. This could be your bedroom, a corner of the yard, or a secluded spot in the backyard. You can even visit a friend's house or any place where you feel safe and removed from your parents. Whenever tensions rise, retreat to your safe space to find peace and quiet.
- Try to pick a place where your parents cannot bother you. Living rooms or shared areas in the house are not ideal for this purpose.
Avoid your parents when the atmosphere begins to heat up.
Seek safety rather than adding fuel to the fire. When your parents start to raise their voices and get angry, don’t argue – just walk away. You haven’t done anything wrong, and you don’t have to endure their harsh words.
- If the situation worsens, you can go to a friend's or a relative’s house.
Set clear boundaries.
This will help you create a safe distance. Remember, you don’t have to tolerate your parents, especially when they continuously disrespect you. Calmly talk to them about what is and isn’t acceptable, about what you will and won’t endure. By clearly expressing your boundaries, you can prevent future suppressive behavior from them.
- You might say, “I understand that there are decisions I make that you don’t agree with, but you cannot treat me this way. If you continue to yell at me like this, I’ll spend even less time at home.”
Limit what you share with your parents.
Your parents do not have the right to know every thought you have. Think of it this way – if someone bullies you at school or work, would you share your secrets and concerns with them? You can apply this rule to your parents. You are not obligated to tell them every thought, worry, hope, and dream, especially when they are consistently cruel and harsh.
- This doesn't mean you should keep your thoughts and feelings bottled up! Share them with friends, relatives, or a trusted adult.
Imagine the letter “H” on your parents' forehead.
The letter “H” stands for “Limitations”. It’s easy to be haunted by your parents' harsh words, especially if you still live at home. However, remind yourself that their thoughts and opinions are limited and do not define your worth or abilities. The image of the letter “H” will help you create emotional distance and remind you that their words are not the final authority on your life.
Don’t try to please your parents at all costs.
At the end of the day, your emotional well-being is what matters most. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make your parents happy, but that’s often impossible when they are constantly criticizing and hurting you. Focus on doing things that bring joy and happiness to yourself, instead of worrying about their words.
- If your parents force you to play a sport you don't enjoy, you don’t have to comply – choose another activity or hobby that you love.
- If your parents criticize your clothing, keep wearing what makes you feel comfortable.
Think before you speak to your parents.
Impulsive reactions rarely lead to good outcomes. When your parents scold or threaten you, it’s understandable why you might want to respond with harsh words. However, arguing in the heat of the moment will only escalate the situation and make things worse in the long run. Instead, try to respond with calm, respectful words that maintain your dignity.
- You can say respectful phrases like “Yes, I’ll pay attention,” “I understand your point,” or “Let me think about that.”
Process the painful memories from your childhood.
Try to trace back the source of your insecurities. The hurtful words your parents may have said can deeply affect your self-esteem, especially when they criticized you as a child. Remind yourself that your value isn’t determined by their comments. You are wonderful and deserving of respect, no matter your grades or how you perform in extracurricular activities.
- If your parents called you “stupid” or “useless” because of a bad grade, tell yourself things like “My worth isn’t based on my grades or ranking. Even though I didn’t meet my parents’ expectations, I did my best, and that’s what matters.”
Take care of yourself.
Your parents' behavior can harm your health and happiness. Make sure to get enough sleep each night, eat balanced meals, and have nutritious snacks. Dedicate time to physical activities, whether it’s running, working out at the gym, or playing games. In your free time, hang out with friends and people who support you rather than those who bring you down.
- For example, you can gather with friends to watch a movie at someone’s house instead of staying home with your parents.
- The more alert and healthy you are, the easier it will be to cope with your parents.
Reach out to friends and relatives.
You don’t have to face this situation alone. Spend more time with friends or relatives you trust. Build a wide support system so you know you're not alone.
- You could call a close aunt, uncle, or spend more time hanging out with friends.
Talk to an adult at school.
Most high schools or universities have counselors. Visit your school’s counseling office and ask if you can schedule an appointment. They can guide you with strategies and offer helpful advice to make you feel more comfortable at home.
- Don’t hesitate to speak with any adult you trust, whether they are a teacher, school nurse, or administrator.
Call the helpline for support.
Hotlines can be a fantastic resource if you have no one to confide in. You may feel helpless or awful when facing abuse, especially when it comes from your parents. Luckily, a simple phone call can connect you with someone who is ready to listen and provide support.
- In Vietnam, you can call the national child protection hotline at 111.
- If you're in the US, dial the “Stop Bullying Now” hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
- In the UK, reach out to Childline at 0800 1111.
- If you live in Canada, contact “Kids Help Phone” at 800-668-6868.
