Buzz
Bạn có đang cảm thấy đau khổ vì vừa mất đi một người bạn, chia tay người yêu, bị phản bội, hay bất kỳ tình huống nào khác khiến bạn cảm thấy chán nản trong cuộc sống? Dù nguyên nhân là gì, hãy nhớ rằng nỗi đau là một phần không thể tránh khỏi của cuộc sống. Tin vui là hầu hết nỗi đau sẽ dần phai nhạt theo thời gian. Trong lúc chờ đợi, bạn có thể thực hiện những thay đổi tích cực để giúp bản thân cảm thấy tốt hơn và sẵn sàng bước tiếp sau những tổn thương.
Các bước
Tạo ra những thay đổi tình cảm tích cực
Thừa nhận và chấp nhận điều khiến bạn tổn thương. Việc xác định nỗi đau của mình là bước đầu tiên để không để nó kiểm soát bạn. Những tổn thương lớn hoặc bất ngờ có thể khiến bạn khó chấp nhận. Tuy nhiên, việc thừa nhận nỗi đau sẽ giúp bạn chữa lành và tiến về phía trước.
- Dành thời gian để hít thở sâu và suy ngẫm về cảm xúc của mình mà không phán xét. Ví dụ, bạn có thể nghĩ, “Mình đang buồn và tức giận vì cuộc cãi vã với anh Thành”.
- Việc xác định rõ cảm xúc sẽ giúp bạn tách chúng khỏi bản thân. Hãy nhắc nhở mình rằng việc có cảm xúc tiêu cực là bình thường—chúng không định nghĩa bạn là người xấu, kẻ thất bại, hay người kém cỏi.
- Đừng cố gắng phớt lờ hoặc chối bỏ cảm xúc của mình. Làm vậy chỉ khiến bạn khó đối mặt với chúng hơn về sau.
Allow yourself to grieve. If you've experienced deep pain, you may need time to feel sadness, frustration, confusion, or anger. Depending on the situation, you might struggle with these emotions for months or even years. Remind yourself that feeling negative emotions after a loss or betrayal is normal, and don’t force yourself to move on before you’re ready.
- When grieving, you might feel sadness, anger, confusion, disappointment, or even guilt about your emotions (or lack thereof). You may also find yourself preoccupied or obsessed with a traumatic event. Emotions often fluctuate—feeling better one day and worse the next.
- If you’re unable to cope with your pain or find it hard to function daily, consider speaking with a doctor or counselor.
Tip: Grief is unpredictable and affects everyone differently. Some people cry a lot, while others remain silent or express anger. Don’t pressure yourself to react to pain or loss in a specific way just because you think it’s what others expect.
Manage your emotions. While you can’t ignore or change your emotions after being hurt, there are ways to control them. Emotions are essential—they help you understand yourself and others. However, they can also dominate your life if you let them. Here’s how to manage them:
- Take positive action. If you’re actively addressing the issue, emotions won’t control you—your rational thinking will. For example, if you’re upset about not getting a job, spend time improving your resume.
- Avoid dwelling on what upsets you. Focus on other things until you can gain perspective. Go to the gym, call a cheerful friend, shop for groceries, or do chores. You’ll feel less negative when you’re taking steps to improve your situation.
- Try simple exercises if you’re feeling stressed or down. For instance, practice breathing exercises, yoga, or meditation.
Create closure for your painful experience. Every relationship or event has a beginning and, naturally, an end. You can create closure by symbolically ending the chapter. Decide on a method to signify that you’ve done what’s needed to move on.
- For example, if someone hurt you, you might find closure by confronting them and trying to forgive them. Avoid blaming them—simply express how you feel and explain how you want to move forward. Say something like, “I was really hurt by what you did. I need space to decide if I want to continue this relationship. I’ll reach out when I’m ready.”
- Another method is to return your ex-partner’s belongings and say goodbye. Give yourself time to close this chapter, but don’t drag it out unnecessarily.
Avoid clinging to the past. Acknowledge the situation that hurt you and understand that once it’s over, you won’t feel sad forever. Don’t let the issue define you—it’s just something that happened to you. After accepting the painful reality and seeking closure, focus on the future. This means shifting your mindset to stop dwelling on the past.
- One way to avoid clinging to the past is to learn from the experience and create a plan to prevent it from happening again. Think of ways to improve your current situation or write down lessons you’ve learned. Taking action empowers you to move forward.
- Journal or confide in someone you trust to process your emotions.
Positive Thinking
Appreciate the good in life. Remember that no matter what happens, you haven’t fallen apart, and there’s nothing wrong with you. While circumstances might change your perspective, they can’t alter the fact that there’s still good in your life.
- Reconnect with activities you enjoy or acknowledge any positive aspects of your life. Start a gratitude journal focusing on the good things. Over time, you’ll realize there’s much to be happy and grateful for.
- If you have close friends, family, or even a pet, spend time with them and appreciate the positive impact they have on your life.
- Take time to appreciate even the small things. For example, maybe you enjoyed a great cup of tea today or watched a movie you really liked.
Let go of negative thoughts. Think positively. Recognize that dwelling on negative thoughts can make your life miserable. If you catch yourself thinking negatively, remind yourself in the moment and try to reframe those thoughts into something more positive or realistic.
- For example, counter a negative thought like, “I’ll never meet someone truly kind who won’t demand too much from me,” by thinking of someone kind and trustworthy you already know. Identifying even one person who fits this positive standard can help neutralize the negative thought.
Did you know? Once you’re used to negative thinking, it can be hard to shift to positive thoughts. You can change this habit by replacing negative thoughts with more neutral, realistic ones.
Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people. They could be family, friends, a significant other, or others who can help restore your faith in people after being hurt. They’ll inspire you to recover and eventually move past your pain.
- If you don’t have close friends, consider joining a class or club for people with similar interests. It’s a great way to meet new people and engage in activities that bring you joy.
- Find friends you can talk to and even turn your pain into a genuine story to share. Use your experience as a cautionary tale to help others avoid similar troubles.
- For example, you might say to a friend, “Sang, can we talk? I want to tell you about something that happened to me...” Then share your story. Ask for support by saying, “I really need a hug right now.”
Learning to Rebuild
Take responsibility for your actions and emotions. If you played a role in what happened, you have the opportunity to grow stronger and wiser from the experience. This doesn’t mean you should shoulder all the blame or feel ashamed. Instead, honestly acknowledge your mistakes and any lessons you can learn.
- You’ll feel better knowing you can change moving forward to avoid similar issues. This is a way to reclaim your power and stop letting others or situations control you.
Share your story with someone you trust. Sometimes, talking about what hurt you can ease the pain. Give yourself the time and freedom to cry, laugh, and share what you need to. You might find that what seemed like a huge problem becomes less overwhelming when you talk about it with a friend.
- Feeling sad or hurt isn’t something you should hide from others. Your needs won’t be met if you don’t tell those around you that you need help.
- You could start by saying, "I’ve been wanting to tell you everything I’ve been through. You might not know this, but you’re the person I turn to when I need help..."
- You could also join a support group for people with similar experiences and share your story with them.
Take care of yourself. It’s hard to feel better if you’re not taking care of your body. Even if you don’t feel like doing anything, remind yourself to eat, sleep well, and get some exercise. Commit to better emotional health by prioritizing self-care.
- Being kind to yourself when you’re hurt is a crucial part of healing.
- Try to maintain a balanced, healthy diet, get at least 30 minutes of physical activity daily, and sleep 7-9 hours each night.
- It also helps to engage in self-care activities that reduce stress, like reading or playing fetch with your dog.
Tip: Beyond physical and mental health, self-care also means addressing practical matters. Try to spend a little time each day handling tasks you need to complete, like homework, paying bills, or grocery shopping.
Set personal boundaries for the future. If you’ve been hurt in a relationship, establishing clear boundaries can help you avoid similar issues moving forward. Prepare a list of your core needs and non-negotiables for future relationships. It’s up to you to assert yourself and communicate your expectations in friendships or romantic connections.
- This list can serve as a guide for the kind of interactions you want with others. If your needs aren’t being met based on the boundaries you’ve set, you can address the issue before it becomes a new source of pain or betrayal.
- You might set limits like: not dating people who make you compromise your values, avoiding those who abuse substances or engage in illegal behavior, or not investing too much in one-sided relationships.
- Clearly communicate your boundaries to others and explain the consequences if they’re not respected. For example, you could say, “I love you, Mom, but I won’t visit during the holidays if you keep commenting on my weight.”
