Buzz
If you’re in love but it seems like she’s lost interest, you're probably feeling heartbroken. But don’t lose hope just yet—there’s still time to save your relationship. We're here to help you understand where you stand and give you the steps to win her heart again. Keep reading to discover how to win back your ex, even if she’s no longer interested.
This article is based on an interview with our expert dating and life coach, Lisa Shield. Read the full interview here.
Steps
Can a girl get her feelings back for you?
Yes, absolutely, but it depends on the circumstances. There are instances when couples break up only to reunite later. However, it's also possible that you might not be the right match. Focus on winning her back and let things unfold from there.
- Don’t get discouraged if things don’t go your way. If you’re meant to be together, it will happen. If not, there’s someone better out there for you.
- Sometimes people grow apart and then come back together. You might need to put in extra effort, but it will be worth it if she falls back in love. The key to success is identifying the issues and working to improve the relationship.
- Unfortunately, she may have moved on. If she’s avoiding you, dating someone else, or acting distant and cold when you’re around, it could be a sign that she’s no longer interested in getting back together.
How to Win a Girl Back
Start with a simple message like, “Hey, how have you been?” Reach out with an easygoing question. You can catch her attention by mentioning something personal about her. For example:
- “Hey! I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Anything exciting happening?”
- “Last night, I watched the first Harry Potter, and it reminded me that it's your favorite. Do you still watch it every Halloween?”
- “I really miss you and your memes. Got any funny ones to share?”
- “I keep hearing Billie Eilish on the radio, and it makes me think of you. Are you still her biggest fan?”
Offer a heartfelt apology if you made a mistake. Begin by acknowledging what went wrong. Then, apologize and assure her that you'll do better moving forward. Some examples:
- “I know it was wrong for me to flirt with someone else. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. I’m sorry, and I promise I won’t do that again.”
- “I realize now that my teasing was unkind. I thought I was being funny, but I see I hurt you. I’m really sorry, and I promise to be more considerate in the future.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 504 Mytour readers about the best way to apologize to a girl who’s upset, and only 5% of them recommended taking her out to her favorite restaurant or activity. [Take Poll] Offering a sincere apology might be a better approach.
Evoking happy memories can help her feel nostalgic. Send her photos of you two together to remind her of the good times. You could also text her pictures of places or things that bring back memories, like the café where you had your first date. Ask her if she remembers the moments you shared. Some examples include:
- Text her a picture of you two on a fun date, saying, “Remember how amazing this was?”
- Send her a photo of a gift she gave you, saying, “I still use this every day.”
- Share a picture of the place where you had your first kiss, with a message like, “I always think of you when I’m here.”
- Send her a memory, like, “I can’t believe we won that duet contest. Do you remember everyone’s faces?”
EXPERT TIP
Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Music and memories can reignite romantic emotions. Music and memories possess the incredible ability to transport us back to moments filled with love. Surround yourself with songs that take you back or old photos that revive memories, sparking those familiar emotions. It's like experiencing time travel for the heart.
Offer heartfelt compliments to let her know you're still interested. Be specific with your compliments so she knows you're being sincere. Sprinkle genuine compliments throughout your communication to make her feel appreciated. For instance, you could say:
- “That shirt suits you perfectly.”
- “Your painting is absolutely stunning.”
- “You were always such an incredible cook.”
- “That hairstyle is flawless on you.”
Keep in touch daily if she’s receptive. Consistent communication keeps you on her mind and shows that you care. Make an effort to maintain at least one channel of communication open, whether it’s texting or engaging with her posts on social media. The more ways you can stay in touch, the better.
- Texting and interacting via social media are great options.
- Another way to stay connected is by using shared apps, like playing a game together, such as Words with Friends.
Reconnect with the person she originally fell for. Begin by rediscovering yourself. Like many people, you may have let go of some hobbies and interests you had when you were single while in the relationship. Returning to your old self may remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place.
- Look at your past photos and social media posts to reflect on your former self.
- Spend more time with friends, enjoying activities like you used to.
Make romantic gestures to rekindle the spark. Bring back the magic between you by doing something thoughtful. This could remind her of the early days of your relationship when she first started falling in love. Some ideas include:
- Presenting her with a simple gift like chocolates or a rose.
- Baking something special, like heart-shaped cookies.
- Sending her a sweet card.
- Writing a heartfelt love letter.
- Creating a playlist of songs you both enjoyed.
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Express your feelings to her. It’s intimidating to open up, but it’s the only path to winning her back. Acknowledge her emotions and share that you believe the relationship can improve. Be truthful about your desire to get back together, so she knows where you stand. You could say something like:
- “When you ended things with me, it really hurt. I think about you every day. Our relationship wasn’t flawless, but I’ve learned so much since. I hope you’ll consider giving us another chance.”
- “I know I hurt you, and I understand your anger. I feel like I’ve changed, and I genuinely believe I could be a great partner for you. I want to try again.”
Demonstrate your growth. Apply the lessons you’ve learned from your discussions into actions. There will likely be some bumps along the way, and that’s okay. The key is to improve as a partner. Here are a few ways you could show change:
- If she wanted more attention, you might reach out through texts during the day and plan regular date nights.
- If she was upset with your flirting, you could make an effort to stop flirting altogether.
- If your relationship had many intense arguments, you might establish ground rules for fair fighting, such as taking a break to calm down, refraining from name-calling, and truly listening to each other.
Invite her out for a date to revive the spark in your relationship. Treat this outing just like a first date to keep the pressure low. She may not be ready to go back to how things were, and that’s completely okay. Focus on creating a fresh connection, and from there, a new relationship can grow. Try saying something like:
- “Remember how much fun we had at mini golf? How about we do it again this Saturday?”
- “I’m thinking of ordering pizza this Friday night. I’d love for you to join me.”
- “I’ve signed up for an improv class at the community theater. It sounds like a blast, and I was hoping you’d join me.”
- “Remember that picnic we had on the beach? I was thinking of recreating it this Saturday. Would you be interested?”
Talk about what went wrong last time. You’ll likely need to address the issues that caused the breakup. If you don’t, the same things that caused the split will do so again. Fortunately, resolving things isn’t as hard as it seems. Start by discussing how you both feel so you understand what needs to change. You could say something like:
- “I made some mistakes last time, but I want things to be better. Can we talk about what you’re looking for in a relationship?”
- “I really want this to work out. What do you think was the biggest issue in our relationship?”
Give her space if she needs it. Allowing her space doesn’t mean you’re going to lose her. In fact, it can help build a stronger relationship. Giving each other space allows both of you time to reflect on the relationship and also maintain a healthy level of independence.
- You don’t have to feel alone while giving space. You can spend time with friends or family to stay connected.
- Engage in your hobbies during this time to stay balanced.
Join the Discussion...
It’s been just under a year since my breakup with my ex. While it was a difficult time, we’ve both managed to move forward and stay on good terms. Recently, however, we've been getting closer and more flirtatious, and I’m starting to think about the possibility of asking her out again. Do you think this is a bad idea? I understand that getting back with an ex doesn’t always work, but how do you know when you’re ready for a second chance to make things work? I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been through this and how it turned out for them.
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Licensed Psychologist
Breakups can happen for various reasons. Sometimes it’s because one person wasn’t ready to fully commit, or perhaps both individuals needed to grow on their own. People change over time, and after some personal growth, they might look back and realize, ‘I had a great partner, and now I’m ready to offer the love and commitment they deserve.’ If that’s the case, there’s a real chance of rekindling love and making the relationship work again.
I tried getting back together with an ex once, and it ended terribly. It seemed like a good idea at first, as he was loving and attentive in the beginning, but once the initial excitement wore off, he slipped right back into the same behavior patterns that caused our breakup in the first place. We started having the same arguments we had before. Unless there’s clear evidence that something has really changed, I wouldn’t recommend getting back with an ex.
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Read Discussion-
Winning your girl back doesn’t require perfection. What really matters is showing her that you’ve learned and grown, becoming a better partner than you were when she started falling out of love.
Warnings
- If she’s already in a relationship with someone else, it might be best to concentrate on your own future. Letting her go is tough, but there’s someone out there who is truly a better match for you.
