Coping when being rejected by your family (and becoming stronger and more resilient)

Being rejected by family members can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Everyone can relate to the waves of sadness and hurt that one must endure, and these emotions cannot simply disappear overnight. If you're suffering from the rejection of your family, understand that by trying to cope, you've already taken the first important step towards healing! There are many things you can do to process your emotions, accept that you cannot change the reality, and ultimately rise above the pain with a stronger and more resilient mindset.

Acknowledge your feelings and don't be afraid to cry. Facing painful emotions can be difficult, but no matter how much you avoid them, they won't simply vanish. Listen to sad music, cry if you need to, and be honest with yourself about what you're feeling right now. Everyone feels heartbroken when they're rejected, and when it's your own family that coldly turns away, those feelings are magnified. It's okay to admit that you're sad, and believe that the road to finding happiness again will eventually become much easier.

• Try not to wallow in your emotions for too long. After listening to a few sad songs, turn off the music and step outside for a walk! You don't have to feel everything all at once to move past this.
• As hard as it may be, remind yourself that you can't control the actions of your family members, but you can control your own reactions. Focus on developing your emotional strength to overcome the pain and feel empowered.
• Remember that your family's rejection doesn't define your worth.

Writing down your feelings on paper can help you gain a deeper understanding of them. You may experience a range of emotions when being rejected by family, such as sadness, anger, or even shock. Get yourself a journal or notebook and write down your feelings. Just spend a few minutes each day writing. Hopefully, you'll gain more clarity about your emotions as you express them on paper.

• Use your journal to regain self-confidence when rejected by loved ones. The coldness of your family can deeply hurt you. To prevent this from affecting your view of your self-worth, write down all your strengths in your journal and refer to them whenever you feel down.
• The habit of journaling can also help you identify the factors influencing your emotions. Revisit your old journal entries and note the days when you felt overwhelming sadness. See if there are any patterns and try to change what you can to avoid those triggers.

Remind yourself that you will overcome this challenge! Saying motivational affirmations can be an easy yet effective way to get through tough moments in life. You can say things like "I deserve to be loved and valued," "I am beautiful and talented," and "I am strong and capable of overcoming anything." Even if it’s hard to believe at first, speaking or mentally repeating these affirmations can help you see yourself and your situation in a more optimistic light.

• Other positive affirmations you can use include "I am capable of doing wonderful things," "I deserve to be treated well," and "I love myself."

Don't let thoughts like 'I'm a terrible person' linger in your mind. It can be hard not to blame yourself when rejected by family, but don't let those thoughts take over. Every time you catch yourself putting yourself down, replace them with more positive thoughts. If you think 'I'll never have a happy life,' replace that thought with something more uplifting, like 'Even though it’s tough, I know I’ll find happiness in the future!'

• Negative thoughts can prevent you from finding happiness, because you’ll stop noticing the good things in life.

Not being at home right now may be the best thing for you. This is especially true if you're experiencing emotional or physical abuse. These behaviors can have long-lasting consequences, and forgiving or reconnecting with those who have mistreated you could be dangerous. If you grew up in an abusive or toxic household, remind yourself that you are safer when they are not in your life. Consider their cold attitude as an opportunity to find people who offer you safety, respect, and love.

• If you're experiencing any form of abuse, call the domestic violence hotline at 1800 1768 or the national child protection hotline at 111. In the U.S., websites like https://www.thehotline.org/ and https://www.rainn.org/ can provide support for abuse survivors.

Take care of yourself to heal after trauma. Choose nutritious and healthy foods. Get enough sleep (7-10 hours each night) to feel refreshed and ready for the day. Exercise to relieve stress and keep your body fit and healthy. Explore new hobbies to enrich your life, such as learning an instrument or joining a book club. These activities will help you feel that your life is heading in the right direction, even when coping with the pain of family rejection.

• Don’t turn to substances or alcohol for relief. In the long run, they won’t help and might even make you feel worse.

You don't have to be biologically related to call someone family. You can nurture close friendships and build healthy, loving relationships with a partner in your life. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who offer safety, care, and appreciation! Live among people who make you feel good about yourself.

• Invite friends over for movie nights if you once enjoyed such moments with your family. Host a cozy dinner at home. You could even plan a getaway with close friends!
• To meet new people, try volunteering in your community, join a book club, or connect online.

Call a friend or visit them to chat. Share what you're going through with them and ask for advice or just vent. A good friend can offer comforting words and remind you that many others care about you.

• If you still feel the need to release your emotions after talking to a friend, or if you're unsure who to talk to, consider seeking a professional. A therapist or counselor can provide coping strategies.

Your family may still try to contact you from time to time. If they treat you poorly, let them know that you won’t tolerate their behavior. If they put you down, express how it makes you feel. You could say, “When you speak to me like that, it hurts,” or “I can’t continue talking to you if you keep treating me this way.” If their behavior doesn’t change, it may be time to limit contact for your own protection.

• If they make you feel unsafe or disrespect your boundaries, you are completely within your rights to cut contact. While it may be painful, not engaging with them is the best decision for your safety and mental health.
• You don’t need to make a decision immediately. If you’re unsure of your feelings, take time to establish boundaries that will help you stay safe and as happy as possible.

A psychologist can offer specific strategies to aid your recovery. They can also provide an outside perspective, something even a close friend might not see. Consider visiting counseling websites to find a therapist or counselor. Choose someone who specializes in family conflicts to ensure they can assist you effectively.

• Sometimes, it takes a bit of time to find the right therapist. Don’t be discouraged if the first one isn’t a perfect fit. Keep searching until you find a professional who can better help you!