Buzz
To understand what will bring you true happiness in life, you must first be honest with yourself. Every person follows their own unique path to satisfaction, and no two journeys will be identical, even for those who are closely aligned. This article will help guide you in identifying what works best for you personally and offer tips on how to achieve lasting happiness.
Steps
Identifying What Brings You Joy
Assess your core values. Identify the three most important elements of your life and rank them by significance. Does family come before or after faith, if you hold spiritual beliefs? Is it more important for you to engage in hobbies that make you feel fulfilled, or to dedicate yourself to a career that provides for your family’s comfort?
- By evaluating your values and priorities, you can determine if you're allocating the right amount of time and energy to each area of your life.
Create a list of activities you enjoy most. There are no correct or incorrect answers, just be truthful with yourself. Perhaps traveling brings you immense joy, or you find happiness in a delicious meal. You might be passionate about discussing literature and could explore literary criticism, or you might prefer writing the books instead of analyzing those written by others.
- Your list may change over time. What makes you happy at 20 might not be the same at 30. Keep updating it to reflect your current passions.
- Consider what you’d pursue if money were no object. This can help you discover your true passions.
Don’t depend on material possessions for happiness. While owning things can bring joy to many people, remember that possessions alone aren’t the key to happiness. You might desire a premium sound system because of your love for music, but focus on the joy music brings, not just the equipment. Remember that experiences like attending concerts, singing with friends, or whistling on your commute contribute equally to your happiness, alongside any material possessions.
Try meditation. Meditation can provide significant mental health benefits, helping to clear your mind and bring clarity to your priorities. Despite its origins in religious and mystical practices, meditation is accessible to anyone seeking relaxation and stress relief.
- Choose a peaceful space free from distractions where you can focus on calming your mind and tuning into your body.
- Find a comfortable seated position, like the lotus position, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing.
- Breathe deeply, slowly, and intentionally.
- Focus on the sensations of your breath as it enters and exits your body. Be fully present in the moment, letting go of all other thoughts.
- Make this a daily routine, ideally in the early morning before your day begins, to help set a calm tone for the rest of your day.
Determining What You Want from Your Career
Write down your strengths. The most fulfilling careers are those that utilize your innate talents and abilities. If you excel at public speaking and enjoy giving presentations, coding software at a desk might not be the best fit. Consider combining both strengths, like becoming a teacher. Keep in mind that your career strengths may differ from the personal skills that bring you joy. Here are a few questions to help identify your strengths:
- Do you prefer working independently, with a partner, or as part of a team?
- Are you more effective when tasks are assigned to you, or do you thrive when you lead your own projects?
Create a list of your passions. While it’s not always possible to pursue a career in something you're deeply passionate about, most people can find a way to align their interests with their work.
- You can take various tests to discover the careers that best suit your interests.
Visualize your ideal work schedule. Some people can’t stand the thought of a 9-5 office job, while others crave the flexibility of working at their own pace, on their own terms, and from anywhere they choose. If you prefer the flexibility, freelancing or contract work might be the right fit. On the other hand, if you value stability and predictability, a structured 9-5 job might be more appealing.
- Think about which type of schedule aligns with your work habits.
- If you struggle with focus and tend to procrastinate, freelance work may not be the best choice.
- Keep in mind that freelance and contract work often come without benefits and can be less stable than regular office jobs.
Create a budget. While it's important not to choose a career solely for the paycheck, you still need to earn enough to support yourself and your family. Budgeting helps you understand how much money you'll need to live comfortably.
- Look up average salaries for different careers to see if they meet your financial needs.
- Consider any additional training or education you might need to reach your career goals.
Don’t fear changing careers. If you're unhappy in your current job, you might dream of a more fulfilling career. However, concerns about time, ego, or financial security may hold you back from making a change. The key is to prioritize your career satisfaction above all else.
- To make a smooth transition, start saving as much as possible. A career change might require you to begin at a lower-paying position before working your way up again.
Understanding What You Want in a Relationship
Make a list of your core beliefs. When you’re considering a lifelong partner, it’s important to find someone whose values align with your own. What are the non-negotiable beliefs that guide your life? Some examples might be:
- Whether you want a large family vs. no children
- Your approach to raising children
- Your religious beliefs
- Your views on marriage and divorce
- How you handle disagreements and problem-solving
Make a list of key qualities you want in a partner. It’s unlikely you’ll find someone who ticks off every box on your ideal partner checklist, so it’s important to focus on the most essential traits. Prioritize the qualities that matter most to you in a relationship, and identify the top five. Some examples might be:
- Sense of humor
- Physical attractiveness
- Shared interests in music or hobbies
- Enjoys or avoids outdoor activities
- Financial stability
Learn to embrace who you are. No matter how wonderful your partner may be, true happiness in a relationship begins with being happy with yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the clearer you will be about what you truly want and need in a partner, and the more prepared you’ll be to offer your best self in the relationship.
Don’t rigidly follow your lists. While it’s useful to know what you’re looking for in a relationship, don’t be too quick to rule out potential partners simply because they don’t match a list you’ve written down. Acknowledge that no one will meet every single item on your checklist, and remain open to connecting with people who feel right, even if they don’t fit your idealized version.
Understanding What You Want from a Family
Determine if parenthood is right for you. Some people feel a deep calling to become parents from a young age, while for others, the desire to raise children doesn’t feel as natural. There’s no right or wrong answer—don’t let society, family, or friends pressure you into decisions that aren’t right for you. Consider the following:
- Do you have a natural yearning for parenthood? While this feeling is often attributed to women, both men and women can experience the urge to start a family. For some, this urge simply may not exist.
- Can you afford the costs of raising a child? As of 2014, it’s estimated that raising a child from birth to adulthood costs $245,000. How does that fit with your income, and will you be able to provide your child a good life while also ensuring a secure future for yourself?
- Are you prepared for the challenges of parenting? While children can bring immense joy, they also bring hard work. Parenting involves keeping your child safe, providing for them, and guiding them into adulthood. It’s a job that requires patience and sacrifice.
- Consider that women may choose to freeze their eggs if they wish to delay having children. Although fertility declines with age, freezing eggs at a younger age increases the possibility of having children later in life.
Decide how large of a family you want. If you choose to have children, the next step is to determine how many you want. While some people have an innate sense of wanting a large family, there are practical factors to consider.
- Each child will cost approximately $245,000 over their childhood years, so think carefully about how many children you can afford.
- How much attention can you devote to each child? As the number of children grows, it becomes harder to give each one the individual attention they need, such as helping with homework or attending activities.
- What level of companionship do you want your child to have? Having multiple siblings can provide children with built-in playmates and emotional support, even if you can’t always give them your full attention.
- Remember, with three children, you will be outnumbered! While two parents can usually manage two children, handling three becomes more challenging.
Consider whether you prefer to be a working or stay-at-home parent. Traditional gender roles often place women at home and men in the workplace, but today both men and women should feel equally comfortable in either role.
- Childcare can be incredibly expensive, so much so that for some families, the cost of working may outweigh the financial benefit from the job.
- Are you comfortable with someone else taking care of your child, no matter how much you trust them?
- Would you feel fulfilled being there for every milestone of your child’s development, or would working in an office prevent that?
- On the other hand, would staying at home all day feel stifling or like your identity is defined only by being a parent?
- Would staying at home prevent you from pursuing other passions or interests that you get to explore through your job?
Consider what kind of parent you want to be. Contrary to what the endless number of parenting books might suggest, there’s no universal right or wrong way to raise children. In fact, parents have been raising kids for centuries without the help of guidebooks. However, it is essential to reflect on the kind of parent you wish to be in order to achieve the most satisfaction in your role.
- Explore different parenting methods to determine how you want to approach raising your children.
- Are you someone who prefers to take an active role, guiding your children through their decisions and activities, or do you lean toward a more hands-off approach, letting them make mistakes and learn from them?
- How involved do you want to be in their academic life? Will you review homework every night? Will you assign additional tasks outside of schoolwork? Or will you leave their education to more qualified teachers?
- When your children make mistakes, how would you prefer to discipline them? Are you more comfortable being the 'good cop' or the 'bad cop'? Or perhaps you envision yourself as a coach, helping them make the right choices, or a referee, pointing out mistakes and doling out consequences?
- Do you prioritize your children above all else, or does your marriage come first? And where do your own happiness and needs fit into the equation?
Join the Conversation...
I’m 21, and I feel lost. I work full-time at a cafe, barely scraping by. I hate it but can't figure out what else to do. I have no clear idea of what I want in life, feel like I’m not really good at anything, and nothing excites me. It’s like I’m just existing, trying to survive.
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach, Author, and Speaker
Life Coach, Author, and Speaker
Reflect on the people you admire and observe their actions. What achievements do successful individuals have, and how do they spend their time day-to-day? If you desire what they have, start asking questions about their methods and habits.
Sometimes it helps to look back at your childhood or teenage years and think about the interests you had back then. Try revisiting old hobbies or experiment with new ones you never considered before. That youthful excitement may return, reigniting a passion you had long forgotten.
Sometimes it helps to look back at your childhood or teenage years and think about the interests you had back then. Try revisiting old hobbies or experiment with new ones you never considered before. That youthful excitement may return, reigniting a passion you had long forgotten.
Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
Career Coach
Career Coach
Consider reaching out to others who are working in fields that excite you and align with careers you've been contemplating.
Most importantly, take the leap and give things a try! Discuss potential career paths with your friends. Test the waters. There's no substitute for hands-on experience when it comes to learning. You might not be ready to leave your current job, but you don't have to do so to begin exploring your alternatives.
Additionally, it's crucial to start building your network. Seek out professionals in the areas that intrigue you and arrange informational meetings with them.
Most importantly, take the leap and give things a try! Discuss potential career paths with your friends. Test the waters. There's no substitute for hands-on experience when it comes to learning. You might not be ready to leave your current job, but you don't have to do so to begin exploring your alternatives.
Additionally, it's crucial to start building your network. Seek out professionals in the areas that intrigue you and arrange informational meetings with them.
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