Buzz
Do you find yourself avoiding regular social interactions? Does it appear that everyone else can make friends effortlessly, while your conversations feel brief, awkward, and uncomfortable? If you think you struggle socially, you’re not alone. Almost everyone experiences social discomfort at some point. The good news is there are practical steps you can take to improve your social skills! Below, we outline common signs of social struggles and how you can work on overcoming your social challenges and forming deeper connections.
Key Insights
- If you find it hard to establish and maintain relationships, or if you frequently say the wrong thing during conversations, you might be socially challenged.
- People who struggle socially often feel like they’re being judged in conversations, overanalyze their words and actions, and obsess over small mistakes they think they've made.
- To become more socially skilled, engage in conversations regularly. Focus on active listening, understanding body language, and learning to read the atmosphere.
- Accept rejection gracefully. Even the most socially adept people face rejection at times!
Actionable Steps
What does it mean to struggle socially?
People who are socially challenged often have difficulty navigating social situations. They may feel uneasy or anxious when interacting with others, miss important social cues or body language, say things that don’t come out right, and worry about being judged harshly. As a result, these individuals often find it tough to form and sustain meaningful connections. Starting conversations can be hard, and any relationships that do begin may not last.
- People with social struggles may tend to overanalyze their actions and focus on perceived mistakes in social situations.
- They might also have an understanding of social dynamics but fail to engage properly, either by misreading the situation or focusing too much on themselves instead of others.
- Many socially challenged people also deal with anxiety. While social anxiety isn’t the same as social ineptitude, the two can often overlap. Social ineptitude is about having a general difficulty with social interactions, while social anxiety is more about fear or insecurity in those situations.
MyVibe Quiz: What Energy Do You Exude?
Ready for a vibe check? Your vibe reveals much about your personality and how you interact with the world. Are you laid-back, a bit unpredictable, or perhaps a little enigmatic? What does your vibe say about you? Take our quiz and answer some questions about your social life and how you view yourself to discover your true vibe!
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If you asked your friends to sum you up in a single word, what would they choose?
How can I tell if I'm socially awkward?
You're having trouble forming and maintaining connections. If you're socially awkward, it might feel difficult to connect with new people, and when you do make connections, they don’t last long—and it often feels like it's your fault.
- Not all signs of social awkwardness will apply to everyone who experiences it, and everyone will have moments of social discomfort throughout their life.
- If you're socially awkward, you'll likely experience several signs of discomfort frequently.
People seem uninterested in what you have to say. Conversations may feel sluggish, brief, or filled with awkward silences. It may feel like you’re unable to master small talk. People’s eyes might wander when you speak to them, or they might appear to be looking for an exit from the conversation.
- Perhaps you’re often talked over, or it feels like no one is listening to you. You might even trail off in the middle of a sentence, and it seems like no one notices.
- Do your interactions with others feel stagnant, or do new people quickly move on after only a few minutes of chatting? Are your conversations with new people limited to one-word answers?
You find it hard to read social cues. It might feel like your friends have no trouble picking up on body language, subtle hints, or even flirting, but for some reason, understanding social norms just isn't easy for you.
- Have you ever finished a conversation only to have your friend ask, “Did you get their number? They were flirting with you!” and felt completely unaware?
- Difficulty reading social cues may lead you to overanalyze people’s body language or facial expressions. Social anxiety may make you think someone’s gestures or posture are signs of boredom or impatience when they aren’t!
You tend to talk over others. People who struggle socially can become so absorbed in what they want to say that they end up speaking over someone else. Some may even become so caught up in thinking about what they’ll say next that they forget to listen to the person they’re talking to.
- If your social awkwardness is tied to anxiety, it could cause you to feel too nervous to focus on the conversation properly.
You find it difficult to approach people or join in group conversations. It seems like everyone else is already engaged in their own conversations or tight-knit groups, and trying to insert yourself into the mix feels like an uphill battle. When you finally manage to come up with something to add, the group might give you strange looks—maybe because you didn’t read the room correctly or the timing was off.
- If social anxiety is an issue, you might feel intimidated by occupying space in a social setting, so you end up standing off to the side. You could even find yourself at the edge of group photos or left out of group activities.
Your body language is hard to manage. How do you know how much eye contact is appropriate? You don’t want to stare, but you also don’t want to avoid looking at the person you're speaking with. You might not know where to put your hands, feel tense, and generally come across as uncomfortable.
- The more you concentrate on your body, the more awkward and stiff it seems to get.
You tend to avoid socializing or isolate yourself during social occasions. Whether it’s a family gathering or after-work drinks with colleagues, socially awkward people often find themselves hanging out alone or clinging to their partner or a close friend. Being around others, especially if you don’t know them well, can seem like too much effort. It may even feel as though others simply don’t warm to you.
- People with social anxiety might also create barriers to interaction—like pretending to text or heading to the restroom just to escape for a moment.
You overanalyze everything in social settings. Whether you're trying to start a conversation with someone you like or just grabbing a drink at the office, you might find yourself fixating on every little thing you do in front of others. It can feel like everyone’s eyes are on you, scrutinizing every small mistake you make.
- Even long after the event is over, socially awkward individuals may replay it in their minds, picking apart every detail and wondering where they went wrong.
You may experience social anxiety. While some people confuse “social anxiety” with “social ineptitude,” they are distinct concepts, though social anxiety can contribute to social ineptitude. Social ineptitude is about struggling with social interactions in general, while social anxiety revolves around fear and insecurity in social situations. In some cases, social anxiety may lead to social ineptitude, or consistent social missteps might increase anxiety over time.
- Social ineptitude can create a cycle: the more awkward you feel, the harder interactions become, leading to more anxiety about future encounters, which in turn makes you want to avoid socializing altogether.
- If you find yourself avoiding phone calls or preferring texting, or dodging food delivery people, you may be dealing with social anxiety.
How can I overcome social ineptitude?
Acknowledge that you’re struggling. It’s completely normal to find socializing challenging. While it may seem tempting to ignore or avoid the issue, recognizing the difficulty is the first step toward addressing social ineptitude or anxiety. By admitting that you’re having trouble connecting with others, you open the door to improving your social skills and building meaningful relationships.
- No one is socially perfect all the time. It’s common to feel anxious about public speaking or in large groups. It can be particularly hard to engage in social settings with many people, especially if you're not comfortable in those environments.
- Remember that people with fulfilling social lives actively work on them and make time for them. Like anything, the more effort and attention you put into improving your skills, the better you’ll become over time. Stay patient and consistent.
Get comfortable practicing conversations. Socializing is a learned skill, much like playing an instrument or cooking. It requires practice, and those who excel at it often do so because they’ve worked through many failures. The more you practice starting conversations, the easier it will get over time.
- Start by reaching out to people you already know and feel comfortable with. Arrange to meet up or do something fun together. Engaging in small social situations with 1-2 familiar people can help you practice without worrying about judgment or embarrassment.
- This allows you to refine your communication skills and get feedback in a low-pressure environment. As you gain confidence, you can gradually increase the social situations, eventually making larger groups feel more natural.
- Does your friend seem to handle social situations with ease? Take note of their behavior in group settings and see what you can learn from them.
- Reader Poll: We asked 137 Mytour readers, and 49% agreed that the best way to start a conversation at a party is to compliment what someone is wearing. [Take Poll]
Engage in “social reconnaissance” during group conversations. It can be difficult to jump into a lively group discussion. First, observe the conversation—what’s the topic, and what is the emotional tone of the discussion? Take a few moments to listen carefully, and wait for a pause or a lull before contributing.
- Before making a joke or comment, ask yourself: is this the right moment? Will the group understand the reference you’re making?
- Practicing social reconnaissance helps you avoid interrupting others while making your contributions more timely and relevant.
Shift your focus to the other person rather than yourself. When you're preoccupied with worrying about whether you're being awkward, you're not fully engaging in the conversation. Practice giving your full attention to the person speaking instead of obsessing over what you'll say next or how you appear. This will help you become more socially adept and make the other person feel valued, which can encourage them to want to interact with you more.
- Occasionally make sounds like “Hmm” or “OK” to show you’re attentively listening.
- Maintain steady eye contact to demonstrate your involvement in the conversation.
Learn to understand body language. Much of communication is non-verbal, and being able to read the subtle signals others send through their posture, eye movement, and physical positioning can help you navigate social situations more smoothly.
- If someone maintains steady eye contact, it's likely they are interested in what you're saying. If their eyes dart around, they might be distracted, bored, or looking for an exit.
- Distinguish between a genuine smile and a fake one: a true smile engages the whole face, while a fake smile only affects the mouth.
- If someone is standing close to you, they’re probably engaged in what you're saying. If they step back, it could mean they want to disengage.
Use relaxed, open body language. As you observe the body language of others, it's also important to incorporate positive gestures into your own communication style to help you build connections. What does your body language say about you? Stiff posture or shifting eyes can make you seem uncomfortable. Practice maintaining open, fluid body language and make eye contact to appear more approachable.
- Open body language includes tilting your head slightly, offering a genuine smile (when appropriate), and making eye contact (but don’t overdo it). These behaviors indicate you’re interested and engaged.
- Try mirroring the body language of the person you're talking to. This subconscious gesture signals interest and enhances connection.
- Avoid crossing your arms, fiddling with your neck, or gripping your hands tightly, as these actions can make you appear closed off and uneasy.
- Don’t stress too much about your posture, though; overthinking it can lead to the very stiffness you’re trying to avoid!
Learn to laugh at yourself. So what if you called Shelly by the wrong name? Mistakes happen to everyone, and it’s no big deal! Learning to laugh off minor (or even major) mistakes is an important part of becoming more socially comfortable. (Chances are, people are more focused on themselves than they are on you anyway!)
- Relatedly, try to approach conversations with an open mind. Assuming people will dislike you before you even talk to them can lead to confirmation bias: you might believe they’re uninterested or judgmental, even when they’re actually being kind and engaged.
Accept rejection with grace. Even the most socially skilled people experience rejection at times. It stings, but it’s a part of life. You might do everything “right” in a social interaction and still face rejection. Not everyone will want to connect with you, and that’s perfectly okay.
- Don’t bottle up your feelings when someone rejects you. Socializing is important, and it's natural to value your relationships. Just remember not to let the disappointment overwhelm you.
