Buzz
While it’s normal to occasionally look at people as they pass by, staring or excessively 'checking out' others can be an awkward and challenging habit to overcome. Creating a strategy to address this behavior when it happens, seeking support from a friend to stay accountable, and considering how your actions impact others can help you stop. Identifying the underlying reasons for your staring can also help you address the root cause and make it easier to break the habit.
Steps to Follow
Redirecting Your Gaze
Adhere to the three-second rule. A brief glance at someone passing by is generally acceptable, but if your gaze lingers beyond three seconds, it becomes staring. Mentally time yourself to ensure you don’t exceed this limit. If you reach three seconds, you’ve looked for too long.
Keep your attention on something else. Not everyone who ogles stares for extended periods. If you tend to glance quickly, the three-second rule may not apply. Instead, focus on other things when you’re out, such as the person you’re with, your shoes, or even an item on your wrist designed to draw your attention.
Engage in eye contact. If you sense your gaze drifting and realize you’re about to ogle, shift to making eye contact with the person. This is a more socially acceptable and less awkward interaction. If they return your gaze, offer a polite smile to appear friendly rather than intrusive.
Considering Others' Emotions
Prevent hurting your loved ones. Ogling others can deeply hurt your romantic partner, making them feel inadequate or questioning your commitment. If you catch yourself ogling, think about how your partner would feel, whether they’re present or not.
Show more consideration for those around you. Ogling can cause discomfort and embarrassment not just for your partner but for others nearby, especially if it’s obvious. If stopping for your own sake is difficult, consider doing it for the sake of those who might feel uneasy.
Consider the emotions of the person you’re staring at. While you might see them as just an object of attention, they are real individuals with feelings. Being stared at can make them feel objectified, uncomfortable, or even unsafe. If you catch yourself ogling, think about how it impacts them emotionally.
Developing Healthier Habits
Create an if-then strategy. An "if-then" plan involves using conditional statements to help break bad habits. For instance, someone trying to cut back on alcohol might say, "If my friends offer me a drink, then I’ll choose water instead." Apply this to ogling by deciding in advance what you’ll do if you notice yourself staring at others.
- For example, you could decide that if you start ogling, you’ll immediately pull out your phone. Alternatively, if you catch yourself staring, you’ll engage in conversation with the person you’re with.
Enlist someone to keep you accountable. Ogling can be tough to stop because it often goes unnoticed. Ask someone you trust to monitor your behavior and gently point it out when you’re ogling. Having an accountability partner can help you become more aware of the habit and work toward breaking it.
- Consider creating a discreet code word or signal for when your friend needs to alert you. Instead of saying, "Stop staring!" in public, agree on a subtle phrase like, "Looks like it might rain later."
Think about seeking professional help. If you’ve tried everything and still can’t stop ogling, a counselor might be able to help. They can assist you in uncovering the deeper reasons behind this behavior.
- To find a counselor, check your insurance provider’s website for a list of covered professionals.
- If you’re uninsured, look for free clinics in your area. University students often have access to counseling services included in their tuition fees.
Understanding the Root of Ogling
Acknowledge that it’s a learned behavior. The impulse to ogle isn’t an uncontrollable natural force. It may feel that way due to the pervasive influence of movies, TV shows, and magazines that encourage such behavior. However, once you realize that ogling is a habit you can change, you can start taking steps to overcome it.
Avoid activities that encourage ogling. This means refraining from consuming media like magazines, movies, or TV shows solely to stare at the people featured in them. If you engage in this behavior in private, you’re more likely to repeat it in public settings.
Practice patience. Breaking ingrained habits can take as long as 28 days. If you slip up during this process, don’t be too hard on yourself. Stay consistent, and you’ll increase your chances of successfully breaking the habit.
