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Professional guidance to help you gain respect from individuals with narcissistic tendencies
Dealing with self-centered individuals can often make you feel ignored and undervalued, particularly when they demean others to elevate their own self-esteem. Nevertheless, there are several strategies you can employ to establish personal boundaries and encourage them to treat you with respect. Remember, while someone may exhibit narcissistic traits, they might not necessarily have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a condition that only a qualified therapist can officially diagnose.
Steps to Follow
Understand that you cannot compel them to respect you.
In the end, they alone are accountable for their actions. Whether they have NPD or simply exhibit self-centered behavior, if they find it challenging to empathize with you or grasp your perspective, building a mutually respectful and trusting relationship may be nearly impossible. This doesn’t mean you should avoid setting boundaries, but acknowledge that they are the only ones capable of altering their behavior.
- Engaging in talk therapy could potentially help them improve their social and emotional skills over time.
Demonstrate your high worth to them.
Narcissistic individuals are attracted to qualities or possessions they desire. If they perceive you as lacking value, they might dismiss or disrespect you outright. To earn their respect, strive to showcase your superior capabilities, skills, or overall value compared to theirs.
- For example, they may gravitate toward individuals with social influence, expensive belongings, prestigious careers, or striking physical appearances.
- You could subtly mention a recent promotion or emphasize your substantial social media following.
Exude confidence and self-assurance.
If they view you as inferior, prove them wrong. Despite their attempts to belittle you, demonstrate your self-worth and let them know it’s what truly matters. Engage in activities that boost your confidence or use affirmations to navigate interactions with the narcissist.
- For instance, affirm to yourself, "I excel in social situations and connect effortlessly with others," or, "I have a natural talent for nurturing and supporting people."
Value and respect yourself.
Set clear expectations for how you deserve to be treated. It’s common to internalize negative comments from someone who belittles you, but they might be intentionally undermining your confidence to boost their own ego. Combat these feelings of inadequacy by using empowering affirmations such as:
- "I am in control of my own destiny."
- "Their validation or approval is not necessary for my happiness."
- "I am entitled to be treated with dignity."
- "I am deserving of love and compassion."
Mytour Quiz: Is My Partner a Narcissist?
While only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there are numerous warning signs to watch for. Take this quiz to assess your situation.
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What was their behavior like when you first began dating?
Show them respect in your interactions.
Reacting rudely or disrespectfully might be exactly what they’re aiming for. Instead of retaliating or mirroring their behavior, stay composed. Pause, take deep breaths, or imagine a calming scene. Respond with kindness and a steady tone, demonstrating the behavior you’d like to receive from them.
- Being defensive or attempting to humiliate them could escalate tensions or lead to more conflicts.
- If you feel unable to respond calmly, step away and avoid engaging. They may lose interest in provoking you.
Create emotional boundaries.
Narcissistic individuals often struggle to meet your emotional needs, so guard your well-being. If you’re in a relationship with such a person, understand that their perspective on relationships may differ significantly from yours. They might prioritize their own validation over your emotional fulfillment. If this is your partner, recognize their limitations and establish distance. Then, evaluate whether the relationship truly satisfies your needs.
- If you’re dealing with a narcissistic colleague or friend, avoid sharing too much personal information. Keep the relationship surface-level and professional.
- While it’s possible to have a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic person, it requires significant time, patience, and their commitment to personal growth.
Preserve your independence.
Maintain autonomy over your finances and life decisions to ensure you can leave if necessary. If this person dominates every aspect of your life, don’t wait for their respect. Reclaim control by making independent choices, and you’ll find their approval matters less.
- For example, if you have career aspirations, consider enrolling in courses or scheduling job interviews.
- If you’re in a relationship with them, maintain a separate bank account to safeguard your financial independence.
Establish clear boundaries with them.
Communicate your boundaries so they understand your expectations. Reflect on what you want from the relationship and what behaviors you won’t tolerate. Clearly outline consequences for crossing those boundaries. Examples include:
- "I will leave the room if you continue yelling."
- "I will end the conversation if you insult me or use derogatory language."
- "I won’t tolerate gossip. If you have an issue, let’s address it directly."
Stay resolute in advocating for your needs.
Enforce your boundaries consistently if they’re violated. They’re less likely to respect you if you let them ignore your limits. Address their behavior calmly and without emotion, then follow through with the stated consequences to show you demand respect.
- For instance, if they try to argue or justify their actions, remain composed. Take a deep breath and walk away to demonstrate you won’t engage in their games.
Surround yourself with individuals who genuinely respect and value you.
Reassure yourself that your emotional support network is always available. If someone is controlling, they might attempt to distance you from your loved ones. Ensure you regularly connect with trusted friends and family to receive the care and support you deserve.
- Feeling upset, frustrated, or confused when dealing with a narcissistic individual is natural. Consider speaking with a therapist for strategies to cope and communicate effectively, empowering you within the relationship.
Consider ending the relationship if it feels toxic.
Ending the relationship may be necessary if it's harming your health. If your mental well-being is deteriorating and you recognize the relationship as toxic, prioritize your health. This decision can be challenging, especially with close friends, family, or a spouse, but you deserve relationships that are healthy and supportive.
- If you feel threatened, manipulated, controlled, or if arguments are escalating, it's likely time to end the relationship.
- In cases of emotional or verbal abuse, prioritize your safety and consider reaching out to a domestic abuse hotline like 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 911.
- Reader Poll: According to a survey of 635 Mytour readers, 52% believe the most effective way to handle a manipulator is to sever ties and end the relationship. [Take Poll]
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Keep in mind that not all individuals with NPD are toxic or abusive. Many with clinical NPD can effectively manage their symptoms through therapy and/or medication.
